What do you do/have to make your life easier?

[Fitforforty]

As a family we are struggling a bit. I’m a
SAHM to a toddler who doesn’t sleep well and a 5 yr old. DH is currently working from home. Both sets of parents are in poor health and require support. I’m exhausted after shielding/home schooling. I’m over weight and need to see my friends. I’m fed up with meal planning but due to allergies, a veggie and a picky child I’m struggling how to make this easier. I looked into gusto style boxes and I couldn’t find even one company who had even 3 suitable meal for us.

We are going to get a cleaner again and a get in a handy man to do all the DIY jobs which have been building up. What things do you do to make your life easier/better?

Doesn't really help you, but my instant answer to your title was 'no husband'.

If it's hard to find time to rest, meditations on YouTube can be a lifesaver a good 10-15 min guided meditation can leave you feeling like you've had a nice long rest. My two couldn't be relied on to nap for long periods and I need to feel I won't be interrupted in order to drop off, so meditations were a lifesaver when the kids were tiny and I was tired!

A million little routines so the house never really needs a big clean, it just gets done as we go, 15 mins here and there. Probably alongside a general lowering of standards. The house is presentable but probably not to some exacting standards.

And Eyfy Robo vac. Much discussed on here and lifechanging IMO

We always employ someone for decorating. They're so much quicker so we have to cope with the upheaval for much less time and decorating is the one thing guaranteed to make us bicker

Cleaner

I stopped worrying about feeding everyone the same meal or even anything remotely similar. Too many allergies, special needs, and preferences. For dd I also worry about balancing nutrition over the course of the day/week not at any one meal.

I do all my shopping online (this isn’t always the most cost efficient, but I have the luxury of prioritizing time over money)

Flip grid chore charts for kids where you can rewrite the tasks that are assigned. Easy for them to track and no arguing. Just work the chores on your flip grid. We have this for the bedtime routine as well because it was causing chaos at our house. Put it on a flip grid and suddenly no more chaos. It’s now my go-to kid solution.

After a couple of weeks of having the cleaner you will start to notice. I get mine to change sheets as it is such a physically tiring job.

@Fitforforty

you are not beyond help.
but sleep deprivation is a savage. it robs you of so much, including being able to think and hope.
no wonder it's used as a form of torture.

so just focus on how you can sleep or just rest more.
can your husband watch the kids for an hour so you can have a day time nap? or take turns looking after the bad sleeper?

say you can't change DS's sleeping habits for a while. fine. forget that.
talk to your DH and come up with a plan so that YOU can sleep more.
I would drop everything not absolutely vital and concentrate on you getting more rest for a while.

For meals, there was a v useful thread on here a few years ago called 'low effort meals' with amazing ideas. It made it into classics. Made such a difference.

Top tips like frozen rice bags. I'll see if I can find the link.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/food_and_recipes/2514575-Very-low-effort-meals-needed

Stay in bed and hide under the duvet!

@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba I think sleep is the key. DD2 has been poorly for the last 4 weeks with back to back cold, nothing serious, but she is waking more and not accepting DH when he tries to settle her because she wants boob.

@TenCornMaidens thanks. I will plough through that.

@OldTinHat they will just fine me!

[quote Fitforforty]@ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba I think sleep is the key. DD2 has been poorly for the last 4 weeks with back to back cold, nothing serious, but she is waking more and not accepting DH when he tries to settle her because she wants boob.[/quote]
his boob definitely won't do🤣

please figure out a way to catch up on sleep in the day, whatever it takes, however your DH can help with that.
maybe he can take them both out for a walk or just watch them while they are playing. he is key in this so you must talk to come up with a plan

Enough school uniform for one set per day. Get it ready on Sunday and dont have to think about again until the next week. Worth every penny!

Also, think nutrition for the kids rather than fancy meals. Some meat/falafel/cheese, strips of pitta, cucumber, veg and hummus is super speedy and just as good for them as something hot and more ‘dinnery’.

We have 5 different sets of dietary requirements to cater for and batch cooking is amazing for us. We bought an extra freezer, and on days when I have childcare I will make a couple of massive batches then portion everything out and pop it in the freezer. Each time I make up batches that will suit different members of the family. So on really busy/tired days I can open up the freezer and just bung 5 different meals in the oven.

There’s a type of rectangular Pyrex dish that can go straight from freezer, to oven, to table, to dishwasher. Can’t remember the name but we have maybe 50 of them in the freezer at any given time.

The batch lady is really good for suggesting recipes and advice on batch cooking generally.

Develop routines, such as putting a wash on first thing, picking up as you go along etc for tidying. Set out all clothes, bags etc the night before.
Definitely agree with PPs about having a sort out. We have as little “stuff” as possible, except for all of DS toys. Less stuff means less tidying and cleaning. Marie Kondo is great for this - it’s a huge effort at first but worth it in the long run.

Good division of labour too - I do bedtime and DH Cooks and tidies.

Just a small one really but a high dose vitamin and mineral supplement, and some omega oils plus a probiotic could help you so much in how you feel which will give you more strength to face the day and the various stresses you're facing.

Batch cook on a day off. Will save you time every night.

Agree about prioritising day naps to catch up- you don’t sound too enthusiastic about making too many changes and in your state I can’t blame you.
Someone posted about what to daily/weekly etc. My standards are lower still-I do an area per day eg bathroom Monday when kids are in the bath, don’t touch it rest of week unless visitors. Don’t change duvets every week- I replace the pillowcase/sheet and flip duvet over. Get a roomba. Alternate kids and adult towels each week. If for whatever reason I miss doing an area on any given day then I have banned myself from trying to play catch up unless we have visitors. I don’t clean to the same standard every week and I don’t clean after kids bedtime. There’s more to you/life than a spotless house, unless you’re really into that. X

Pinkclarko I agree with ALL of that.

@CatbearAmo

Me and dh work full time, one dd, one ds on the way, and have no relatives around to help us.

We've been there: chaos, stress, no time. But we've come out the other side by simplifying everything:

2 week meal rota like pps suggested with an online shop set up with the ingredients

A massive clear out of stuff. Stuff needs tidying and cleaning. Less stuff means less tidying and cleaning so whatever we didn't absolutely need we got rid of.

Dropping our standards and not letting cleaning stress us, plus cleaner once a week.

Just getting up in the morning and getting out. No nonsense, out the door with a premade lunch and to the playground where dd can be as messy as she wants, tiring herself out in the process.

Get an early bedtime and wake up early in the morning. Things are so much easier to handle during day light. If you can, find time for a walk every day to reset when you are feeling stressed.

Any sources of stress just say no. Family members burdening you - just say no. If you were wiped out tomorrow they would find a way. Friends more hassle than they are worth? Don't answer the phone.

Once you have a bit more space in your life you can start investing in improvements for the long term. Untidy cables, get a cable holder. Too many meals to cook? Batch cook. Over buy on underwear and socks so if the washing piles up, who cares, just blast it once a fortnight. Rethink what dirty clothes really means. Smelly = dirty. Dropped ketchup on your tshirt but not going anywhere, just wear it nobody cares or will even see you.

And never say yes to new, stressful projects or tasks. Just say no. Keep it simple and cut out all the unnecessary things you don't need.

This. 100%

Yes to cleaner and gardener. Great ideas.

What will get you through this difficult time is communication.

I am very straightforward with my partner about what help i need. We both work from
Home. I say when you have a gap between calls today please will you empty the washer. When you get a breath of air between calls today can you walk down to the shop and grab x and even better pop DS/DD in the buggy and take them with you. My partner appreciates this direct approach.

When he logs off in the good weather can he take them to the park for an hour before or after tea to give you a break or so you can make tea in peace.

Also, it took me a long long time to learn that what i saw as indulgences or treats- a walk alone, a lie on the bed to read a chapter of my book. Lock myself in the spare room to do yoga or mediate or sew for an hour. These are not indulgences these are NEEDS. As much a need as feeding and hydrating myself. Fulfilling these things give me enough charge in my batteries to keep going. The fact these things can be done BEFORE you start your to do list (which never ends lets face it). Was a revelation!! I always see them as a reward if i got EVERYTHING else done. And lets be honest something always comes up.

Put your own oxygen mask on first.

Also, it took me a long long time to learn that what i saw as indulgences or treats- a walk alone, a lie on the bed to read a chapter of my book. Lock myself in the spare room to do yoga or mediate or sew for an hour. These are not indulgences these are NEEDS. As much a need as feeding and hydrating myself. Fulfilling these things give me enough charge in my batteries to keep going. The fact these things can be done BEFORE you start your to do list (which never ends lets face it). Was a revelation!! I always see them as a reward if i got EVERYTHING else done. And lets be honest something always comes up.

Put your own oxygen mask on first.

This. It’s hugely important. Especially for women, who usually end up doing everything for everyone.

I’ve no time for that. I am just as important as everyone else.

When I was very ill I found it very very hard to communicate to my husband what needed doing. I just could not think about it like that or summon up the mental energy to define what the job was and then verbalise it... and I found it baffling that he was oblivious to the jobs that needed doing. Eventually I figured it out (and mainly got him to do certain routine jobs every day so I didn't have to think about it) but it was so hard. I actually feel quite sick thinking back to that time.

Do you or DH have siblings to share the parent-care load with?

Outsource as much as possible there. This won't get easier and the little extra tasks creep up on you. If they have capacity, you need to tell them and any siblings what you can and can't offer and DP/ DPIL need to make arrangements to fill the gaps, e.g. getting in a cleaner, having food/ meals and medications delivered. If they don't have capacity, then refer them to social services for a needs assessment.