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Original poster

Tricky one...DD (22) and weight gain

28 replies

bagelbaby · 30/05/2021 07:59

My lovely DD Has over the last couple of years gained a lot of weight.

She goes running and does body pump so her fitness is fine. She mentions occasionally about not finding clothes to fit and shows a unhappiness at this. I don't know whether to raise the topic and. support/ encourage her to lose weight. She's an adult. I just think she's feel more confident in herself if she lost this weight. I haven't said anything and am aware in many ways it's nowt to do with me. But I'm her mum and I care.
Has this been the experience of any of you? Do I keep just keep quiet?

OP posts:
Thatswatshesaid · 30/05/2021 08:00

Do you think she doesn’t know?

spurs4ever · 30/05/2021 08:01

Keep quiet unless she specifically asks for advice or help. She knows she's put on weight so doesn't need it pointing out. X

Ughmaybenot · 30/05/2021 08:01

She already knows, obviously, so you saying anything will just hurt her and potentially damage your relationship.

tiredanddangerous · 30/05/2021 08:04

Do you think she doesn't realise that she's gained weight? Confused

Bookworm19 · 30/05/2021 08:05

Keep out of it, none of your business.
She's an adult, it's her body and up to her what she eats.

There's worse things in the world than being overweight.

AutoIncorrect · 30/05/2021 08:06

She knows. You hammering it home wont help her.

PretSematary · 30/05/2021 08:07

Do not say anything, ever - she knows, and will do something about it when she's ready.
Compliment her on other things because she probably feels shit about herself and will appreciate the boost.

SomewhereInAnotherLife · 30/05/2021 08:09

Support her if she asks for help but otherwise leave well alone.

StormcloakNord · 30/05/2021 08:10

Echo PP.

Don't know why you even feel the need to point it out. If her fitness is fine leave her to it. Don't go saying anything as it'll be unbelievably shit for her.

Hummingbirdblue · 30/05/2021 08:10

Do you have mirrors in your house OP?

Then she bloody well knows she has put on weight and she doesn't need you pointing out the bleeding obvious FFs.

How about suggesting some places she can find some clothes that do fit? That might make her feel better.

PotteringAlong · 30/05/2021 08:11

It’s not a tricky one! You don’t mention it! There’s no dilemma to have!

Bagelsandbrie · 30/05/2021 08:11

If she’s doing keep fit stuff and moaning her clothes don’t fit then she knows. Of course she knows. What do you think you can bring to the table that she doesn’t already do / know of? Just stay silent about it.

Original poster
bagelbaby · 30/05/2021 08:17

Message received loud and clear!

OP posts:
newnortherner111 · 30/05/2021 08:27

Does DD live with you? What you have for meals together could be a small help. If you have loads of biscuits or chocolate in the house, for example, it is a temptation.

Whitewolf2 · 30/05/2021 09:14

My mother pointed out my weight gain a couple of times when I was similar age - I still remember it and being embarrassed and upset. She knows she’s put on weight!

OhSayWhat · 30/05/2021 09:16

My mother pointed this out to me and I’m still annoyed at her for it. It’s as though weight is the most important thing in our lives. It isn’t.

StormcloakNord · 30/05/2021 11:01

Exactly @OhSayWhat

Instead of trying to figure out whether to tell your daughter she's put on weight why not spend your energy reinforcing to her that she's still fit, still healthy, looks great, and why not go on a shopping trip to find new clothes?

MrsM2021 · 30/05/2021 11:30

My mother has pointed out any weight gain I’ve ever had since I was 18, usually under the guise of ‘being concerned for my health’. I’ve had disordered eating ever since; funnily enough when I once became dangerously underweight all I got was praise for looking great! I’d say question whether you’re sure that your ‘concern’ is actually for her and not a reflection of your own opinions/bias.

Ultimately, I wouldn’t say anything, pretty sure she knows (just like I did) and won’t thank you for saying something.

Bloatstoat · 30/05/2021 11:46

I'm currently pregnant - my mum has said several times 'you must make sure you get back into an exercise routine quickly after the birth this time', pointing out that my sister did after her baby and 'got her figure back' really quickly. I used to run, but have had problems with a prolapse since my 2 year old was born. She has offered to have the kids to make sure I've got time to do this, she's bought me some healthy snack options 'just because' she 'saw them on offer and wondered if they are any good'. I know I need to lose weight. I know my mum loves me to bits and is worried about me, and is trying to help in a way she thinks is subtle and being supportive. It still really hurts and feels like she's saying I'm not good enough when I feel bad enough about how I look anyway. I agree with everyone else, don't say anything. There's no good way to do it, she'll just feel upset and you will too, because you care about her and didn't want to hurt her.

3Britnee · 30/05/2021 12:26

I wish my mum had told me when I was getting fat. And taught me to offset and balance what I was eating, ie if I have a meal out planned for the evening, have an appropriate lunch that day and the day after. No one ever told me those sorts of things as a teenager and I've spent most of my teen and adult years overweight and obese.

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 30/05/2021 12:48

Does your DD live with you, OP?

If she does, and you eat together, do you make sure you have lots of fresh food, salads, veg, lean proteins etc?

You can 'model' healthy eating without making a big deal of it.

THisbackwithavengeance · 30/05/2021 14:05

I actually disagree that we don't always know we are getting fat. Sometimes we just hide our heads in the sand, wear baggy clothes and then one day see a photo or catch a glimpse of yourself in a mirror and think WTAF.

I was a fat teen but just didn't know what to do to not be fat. If my mum had said to me "look TH, you will feel and look better if you lose weight I will help you if you want and we will do healthy eating and exercise together", then I would've honestly jumped at the chance.

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer · 30/05/2021 14:09

If she's already active and trying to lose weight she may need help so talking to her GP to see if there's any possibility of a thyroid condition or PCOS might help. Seeing a dietician could help too - healthy eating isn't always that obvious.

Laserbird16 · 30/05/2021 14:10

Honestly? Say nothing and be very positive if directly asked.

Don't worry there are plenty of other avenues to make the average 22 year old feel shit about their perfectly perfect bodies. Your mother shouldn't be one of them.

MilduraS · 30/05/2021 14:11

I knew I had put on weight over a few years but didn't realise how much until I saw some holiday photos with women I mistakenly thought were around the same size as me. I was easily two sizes bigger and at 5ft2 it was quite a difference. DH has my permission to point it out if my weight starts creeping up again but said he couldn't do that.