Have you ever been really affected by the death of a stranger?

[Hightideattheseaside]

A person I follow on Instagram very sadly lost their 3 year old son a couple of days ago and it’s really affected me. I keep thinking about the pain this poor person must be in and imagining myself in their shoes. Perhaps it’s because I also have a three year old son or perhaps it’s an inevitable consequence of following people who share so much of their lives for a long time. I have never met or spoken to this person, only see a post or story from them a few times a week for a couple of years. And, yet, I keep crying throughout the day at the thought of that darling boy and his poor mother left behind. I feel real pain for this person. It’s shocked me to be honest.

Any one else felt very affected by the death of stranger? Is this to be expected when we follow people on social media or have I lost it a bit?

@JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth

I was deeply affected by the death of Damilola Taylor. Having Nigerian parents myself and imagining coming to the UK for a better life, skinny, confused, strong accent and struggling to fit in. And the fear he must've felt in his final moments. Awful

Same, both me and husband still talk about this, it deeply affected both of us. I think it was the fact he had just been to the library and was going home. Poor little chap, hope he’s in a better place now x

I've also been affected by the news story recently of the grandad in Cornwall who accidentally ran over his 20 month old granddaughter with a caravan whilst she was holidaying with them. How do you ever make that phone call? How do you move on from something like that? Tragic.

Baby Azaylia's death hit me hard. My DD is almost exactly the same age, and every day I think of Azaylia when I look at her.

@lollipoprainbow

Paul Ritter, totally agree.

I am now wondering if I am a bit cold as I can’t say that I ever have, really.

I’ve been shocked and recognise how terrible and sad it is but I don’t know if I could honestly say it really affects me.

I’m absolutely not saying they aren’t dreadful and I do think I’m pretty nice and kind but things don’t tend to stay with me, particularly.

Baby P and Jamie Bulger, they really haunted me

Oh I could have written your post! Its exactly how I feel, and I don't understand why its affected me so much. I keep looking at my children and thinking how empty my life would be without them. My heart breaks for Kaytee, but Jaxon couldn't have been more loved and he did more in 3 years than the rest of us would in 10!
On the fundraiser for Jaxons funeral I noticed Caroline Hirons had donated £1000. Shes not someone I've ever followed on insta, but how lovely can people be. The fundraiser is over £40k now.

I remember a friend of mine telling me that a woman she knew had hung herself, leaving behind two children, who were friends of her own children. My eldest was 3yo at the time and I was pregnant with DS2, so I think that might be why it affected me so much. I was preoccupied with the details and the sheer tragedy of it for weeks.

[quote Monkeytennis97]@lollipoprainbow

Paul Ritter, totally agree.[/quote]
Me too.

I think maybe those of us that enjoyed FND came to view him fondly as “Dad” and could relate to so much of his character and appreciated what a fabulous actor he was. So sad.

2 very young women from our town committed suicide (unconnected) early on in lockdown. I didn't know them, had met one briefly, as she was very close to a friend's family and another had a lot of other mutual friends. Knocked me for 6, no idea how their families will ever come to terms with it.
within the last month in our county, 2 more young suicides received a lot of press attention, I drove past the aftermath of one; a fatal stabbing, and a couple of deaths from police chases resulting In crashes. This makes me so very sad.

I’m so sorry if this thread has dragged up old memories and emotions for people. It was certainly not my intention. Especially, those who witnessed something awful. I must admit that it didn’t occur to me that people witnessing the death of stranger would come up I was only thinking of being affected when you are removed from the situation. I should have clarified in my title. Of course you will be affected for years when witnessing something or being involved in someone’s care. Sending all

I agree that a lot is to do with imaging being in their shoes and also thinking a lot about peoples final moments. Were they scared or looking for a loved one? .

My reaction to this scares me to be honest because I’m very lucky in that I haven’t lost anyone I’m very close with yet. It makes me think I won’t cope well at all when the inevitable happens. I can only hope it’s not in tragic circumstances.

WhenAylan Kurdi, the three-year-old Syrian boy whose body washed up on our shores' picture was on the front page of The Metro paper ds said "that boy looks like me"

He did.

He was just turned 4 at the time. He absolutely winded me and I've thought of him and his family a lot since.

I used to drive passed a school to work every day. Saw the same lollipop man in the same spot for years. One day I drove passed and he was on the ground surrounded by people and an ambulance motorbike was there. The next day some flowers and no one. Then lots more flowers and a next week a new lollipop lady. I kept crying on my way to work for months and still feel tearful writing this now, it was about 6 years ago. Just feels so sad.

Yes any death of a child affects me deeply, it triggers my PTSD from my child's premature birth and I have had to seek therapy for it after the death of a child I knew very vaguely tipped me into a tailspin of planning my own child's funeral.

I have been thinking of Kaytee and Jaxson a lot, totally and utterly heartbreaking

Yes often. It's part of being human. Last year the flat next door was being renovated and my soon-to-be neighbour was measuring up for furniture. She had a brain haemorrhage while she was in the flat and died. I never met her but I just felt so sad if it had happened a few minutes later when she was in the street maybe someone would have saved her.

YY I was not personally affected or close to grenfell but could not stop thinking about those poor people. Just horrific. And the survivors.

Before I clicked on the thread I was thinking of Rob Delaney's 2-year-old Henry. So sad. My son was the same age.

David Bowie. I know that sounds slightly crass compared to the young people in this thread but I was really upset.

Yes I was very upset when someone on Instagram lost their 3 year old daughter I was so shocked at how upset I felt by it

Baby Brianna. There are periods where I've cried every day for her.

I struggled with the Manchester bombings, particularly Saffie Rose Roussos. I think I have friends who actually knew her, but I didn't know them at the time.

Also, I was redeployed to our ICU during one of the covid waves. I spoke to a patient once or twice, but he deteriorated that night, went onto a ventilator, and the next morning I came in and he was dying. He passed away that day. I was in bits, I had to take a minute to compose myself.

Yes any film with robin williams brings a tear to my eye.

Emily Hartridge. I had never even heard of her till after her death but watching her YouTube channel it's easy to forget she's gone. She was just so full of life. She was here one minute, gone the next. Tragic.

Yes I have name changed for this.

I am from around Clifton and was horrified by the disappearance of Joanna Yeates -although I was living 500 miles away at the time it happened. Although I lived in the next road both before and after her murder I moved back to Clifton and now live in the next road from where she disappeared, I also drive past where her body was found twice a day on my commute. I found it made me cry daily, even though I never knew her or her family. A year later, it hasn't stopped and it is distressing me -it sounds contrite given to what she went through -I actually can't do it. I am moving house soon. Then I will take a longer way to work to avoid it. For some reason -maybe -because I'm the same age and it could of easily 'been me' as in same age, same build, lived before and after her murder in a similar flat, she didn't know her attacker etc. I read a lot about her and every day I feel tears prick about her future so taken away from her and her fiance and family by absolute pure evil. I also shop in same Waitrose etc.

I don't know why it has affected me to the extent it has.

When she went missing everyone commented on how much I looked like her. Her murderer got 20 years -in 2011. He's in the UK.

Yes. I witnessed (and unsuccessfully tried to prevent) the suicide of a stranger 2 weeks ago today. I saw the entire thing, the aftermath, and have been hospitalised with traumatic shock since then as a result.

Never been particularly personally upset by reading about deaths of people I’ve never known or not witnessed or have no connection to though, other than feeling compassion for those who actually are directly affected. I don’t really understand the absorption of vicarious grief into being about oneself

I remember David Cameron's son Ivan died and I was so sad about it. I've no big interest in politics or what David Cameron represents but I was gutted for them as parents.

Another one that really affected me was the Daniel Pelka story and then the death of poppi Worthington.

Anyone who dies in circumstances related to abuse really gets me to be honest. It hurts my heart that humans can inflict such pain and misery.