Have you ever been really affected by the death of a stranger?

[Hightideattheseaside]

A person I follow on Instagram very sadly lost their 3 year old son a couple of days ago and it’s really affected me. I keep thinking about the pain this poor person must be in and imagining myself in their shoes. Perhaps it’s because I also have a three year old son or perhaps it’s an inevitable consequence of following people who share so much of their lives for a long time. I have never met or spoken to this person, only see a post or story from them a few times a week for a couple of years. And, yet, I keep crying throughout the day at the thought of that darling boy and his poor mother left behind. I feel real pain for this person. It’s shocked me to be honest.

Any one else felt very affected by the death of stranger? Is this to be expected when we follow people on social media or have I lost it a bit?

I regularly think of the family who died in the Buncrana tragedy a few years back. The mother who lost her husband, mother, sister and two young sons but due to the assistance of a stranger, had her baby daughter rescued from the sinking car.

It fills me with dread, sadness and fear thinking about that poor family, and the mother who's trying to rebuild her life with her daughter after having lost so much. And the thoughts of those last moments in the car as it sank. It is horrific beyond words.

I hope that lady can find some peace and happiness.

I was in Next early one morning, a young woman ran in and asked the lady serving me to call an ambulance as a child was choking outside.

The lady serving looked a bit confused, I said call the ambulance don't worry about serving me. As I was leaving the retail park, all hell was breaking loose with police and ambulances.

Sadly the child died, he was 4 his parents had given him a bite of a bacon sandwich they'd bought from a catering van. Weeks later the local newspaper reported on it, this was the second child they'd lost, the first died during a routine operation.

I think of the little boy and his parents often, how life can change in a moment.

I can remember reading a story of a young woman (she was 26 at the time) who died of cancer. I don’t know why but it really struck me reading that story. I felt so sorry for her, how she trusted the doctors with their diagnosis which ended up costing her life, the pain and suffering her family must have gone through and still are and how she must have felt when she received a terminal diagnosis at such a young age. That story was about 11-12 years ago and whenever I read about that sort of cancer - she always comes to mind.

So yes, I do know. It’s strange as I don’t know her and have never lost anyone close to cancer.

@Thisbastardcomputer

I was in Next early one morning, a young woman ran in and asked the lady serving me to call an ambulance as a child was choking outside.

The lady serving looked a bit confused, I said call the ambulance don't worry about serving me. As I was leaving the retail park, all hell was breaking loose with police and ambulances.

Sadly the child died, he was 4 his parents had given him a bite of a bacon sandwich they'd bought from a catering van. Weeks later the local newspaper reported on it, this was the second child they'd lost, the first died during a routine operation.

I think of the little boy and his parents often, how life can change in a moment.

That’s so awful! I can remember my niece nearly choking (she was only 3) but thankfully it was very minor. Poor, poor parents. Life can be so awful.

Sally Allen... that really affected me. The way she left in the early hours unexpectedly, how fast she walked, it just really got to me

I was waiting in traffic and saw a man jump off a very high bridge. I will never forget the image of him flying through the air. I pulled over so did the builders in front. We were all upset I just immediately burst into tears. We didn’t see where he landed. We rang the police but they weren’t interested

A patient - hypoxia brain injury following suicide attempt . Their face often haunts me, they were so very young and were in an utterly devastating condition . I had nightmares for several weeks .

I think of them every few days, and thank God often that when I had felt that way I was able to seek support so I didn’t go through with it .

Also another patient who’s story was so heartbreaking I ended up crying with him, probably not the most helpful response but I couldn’t help it .

Jordan Banks. I'm so heartbroken for his poor parents. Tragic thing to happen.

Also Michelle Pearson and her children.

The Manchester arena deaths hit me pretty hard too. I remember following the search for Martyn Hett on social media, his friends asking for info if anyone had seen him. When it was announced he had died I just burst into tears.

The people who jumped from the twin towers.

James Bulger - massive impact

Baby P

I will never forget attending to help at a Road Accident which happened in a Beautiful location on a Summers Day outside a Country Pub. The Family were crossing the Lane back to the car park after enjoying their Sunday Pub Lunch. Mum, Dad, a Couple of Children and their Grandparents. Grandma was last to Cross, when a high speed motorbike came around a sharp bend and hit her Full on, before the rider was Catapulted into the Hedgerow and the trunk of a massive tree.

I was one of the first on the scene, the Biker had hit the tree with force, but was still Alive, Grandma had massive abdominal Lacerations, and was in Cardiac Arrest. We worked on her for about an hour until the Air Ambulance arrived, but we were unable to save her. The saddest thing was that you family got to witness every second of what happened, including her Grandchildren. The Biker was flown to the Nottingham Major Trauma unit, the last l knew of him he was on a life support machine, the Police told me that when they came a took a statement from me. I often pass over the same Spot, but the memories are still to vivid to forget even after about 12 years, and l cannot ever enjoy that little pub again, it haunts my mind.
I have seen many horrific things during my Nursing Career, but it’s all quite fairy routine and expected during a shift, where as this was not, and very emotional seeing the looks and shock on this poor victim’s families faces, including the Children.

When it’s to do with children it definitely affects me. The younger someone is the more affected I am with regards to strangers.

I cried when a local toddler died of cancer last year. Never knew the parents but I followed their journey on SM and I just had so much sorrow for them. Heartbreaking.

Had it been her 85 year old grandma then absolutely I wouldn’t feel anything. It’s how tragic the circumstances are for me.

Ana kreigal. Although she wasn't a total stranger as we had met her and her family at adoption events.
Her murder was so horrific. I can't imagine how her parents manage to get up in the morning and function.

I know lots of people were affected but MM has the same birthdate as DS2. That one gets me.

Lately anything that involves young men dying through misadventure. (Now my DCs are young men).

You're right OP, it's because you imagine being in their family's shoes, not because we genuinely care about the people concerned.

Sarah Payne. At the time I lived only a mile or so from where she was abducted and her missing posters were absolutely everywhere. My own DD was just a little younger and constantly asking if they’d found her.
I was heartbroken when she was found murdered, as were most of my friends who lived there. I think when it’s children it can be very hard to take.

Yeah, I saw a man get hit and killed by a truck. I can still hear the sounds he made as he was dragged. It was years ago now but never forgotten.

I became a bit obsessed with finding his name, then looking up news about it, then checking social media to see his family and funeral. Just needed to understand more about this person's life rather than death I think.

I knew this would relate to Jaxon. I think everyone who was aware of their story will be deeply affected by what’s happened. Such an amazing little boy and so, so sad.

I get deeply affected by things. I remember reading about Euince Spry the foster mum who horrifically abused the children in her care and one of those children, Victoria, went on to commit suicide. I read her book, Tortured and I just felt sick and sad for weeks and still do now if I think about it. Amazing how much some people have to go through in their lives- and I say that as someone who had an abusive childhood myself.

I cried when Christopher Lee died never met the actor

The Carl Bridgewater case. How his parents functioned and found any meaning in life afterwards, it’s beyond me. The wickedness and the callousness of it. I also wonder how parents of missing children ( any age) carry on - Andrew Gosden, in particular. I have three DS of varying ages. I really wish I didn’t dwell on this kind of stuff as ultimately we live our lives with risk and most people are good, I believe.

The most affected I have ever been by an event not related to me is Grenfell Tower. I genuinely couldn't sleep for days. Many of the stories of the victims had me crying.

Whilst I can understand why someone could be affected by the death of a stranger as in the examples above, what I do not find acceptable is 'grief tourism' as happened in Gloucester when the bodies of those killed by Fred and Rose West were discovered, or in Soham when two young girls were murdered.

I was deeply affected by the death of Damilola Taylor. Having Nigerian parents myself and imagining coming to the UK for a better life, skinny, confused, strong accent and struggling to fit in. And the fear he must've felt in his final moments. Awful

There was a little girl killed a few years ago while crossing the road, a lorry hit her and her grandma, the grandma survived but she was killed instantly such a little poppet, the same age as my daughter at the time. Her parents gave the most beautiful tribute to her.

The four boys from a band killed abroad when their car went through a barrier or something ? and ended up in water they all died.

A recent local case of a lad who went missing after getting of a bus after getting some shopping, there was a huge interest in Facebook and so many searches for him then a few days later he was found dead outside some flats.

Paul Ritter, not usually affected by celebrity deaths but I was by this one weirdly.

A year 4 child at my school died in a freak accident on holiday fairly recently. Playing on a beach, a rock dislodged from the cliff and struck her head. I still think of her poor parents waiting with her for the ambulance.
Baby P.
Victoria Climbie.

I've followed Jaxon too. He was making so much progress with his speech and mobility so it has come as a big shock that he has passed so suddenly.

A girl in DD’s wider friendship group committed suicide as a teenager. I didn’t know her but I felt awful that a young girl would feel driven to that. Also felt awful for my sisters ex from years ago whose daughter was murdered fairly recently - haven’t seen him for 30 years.

I used to lie awake at night thinking about the Grenfell victims, especially the mums and kids. I live near there and witnessed the latter stages of the fire.