What are the best / worst things about living alone.

[GertieCB]

30 years of marriage , never put myself first ever, something has happened this week to make the scales fall from my eyes. I've left, in a hotel atm , need to sort out a rental. Never live by myself as an adult. What are the best / worst things about living alone?

Best:

I could do exactly what I wanted, when I wanted to do it.

Bed to myself.

Only my own mess to clear up, house was always tidier.

Worst:

I had to do everything and pay for everything.

Best: You make all your own decisions, everything happens the way you want it, no compromises, you can eat, sleep, go out, come back home etc exactly when you want to and have nobody to answer to or even inform. Everything is literally exactly as you want it.

Worst: Financially, purchasing (or renting) and running a home based on one income inevitably means that you’ll probably have to manage your expectations and expect a different level of lifestyle to what you grew accustomed to when you had a partner.

You also have to do all the cleaning etc on your own - though from what I read of so many of the pointless, shitty marriages that end up the subject of MN threads in this section, most women are doing all that themselves already so it actually gets easier when they aren’t picking up after somebody else as well.

Well I dont get to see any of my wages anyway ( supposed to be joint money, in reality what's his is his and what's mine is his )

Pros
Control of the TV remote.
Don't have to cook proper meals all the time - bowl of soup for supper perfectly acceptable. Conversely if you want to spend the entire afternoon making an elaborate dinner for one - perfectly OK
Can please yourself about what you do and when you do it.
House stays clean and tidy for weeks (or, if you're not the clean and tidy type there's no one to complain about the mess.
You can set your own life goals and work as much or as little to achieve them as you're prepared to.
Not having to compromise in every aspect of your life to take another person's wantd/needs into consideration.

Cons
Motivation
Loneliness

Yo

Excuse random 'yo'

No DC so a 1 bed flat or studio will do for the next year or so. At least I have no debt. I'll also need to furnish anything I rent but I'm happy to go 2nd hand initially and replace with what I want as and when I can afford it.

The random " yo " made me smile for the first time today .

Financially it sounds as though you'll be better off and in every other way you'll be better off as well! You've made the right decision. What made you decide to do it in the end?

What have you done about banking? Have you closed your joint account? I would've been tempted to empty it to be honest if he's been abusive in the past financially.

What everyone else said!

I love living alone. Love it. I very rarely felt lonely but was lucky to have lots of friends and hobbies.
The only negative was the cost.

But I had second hand furniture and cut my cloth.

Sadly live with DP now. If we had the money we'd probably live separately!

Enjoy your new life op.

Some of the best advice I've read is, only leave a relationship if you think you'll be happier alone forever - do not assume you'll meet anyone else.
And being alone living alone and enjoying a fabulous life would be better for me that unhappiness in a relationship.

The cons are worth it.
It may not be easy but it will be better.

Gertie, you might find a one bedroomed flat will be perfect for you, even long term. So many people have houses which have far more space than they ever use. I'd always go for smallest place I was comfortable in, save money on council tax, heating, furnishings and use spare money for travelling, hobbies, good food, generally on living a good and interesting life.

You will probably also be able to furnish it beautifully with 2nd hand. Dsis had very little money after a break up - made a list of all furniture she wanted and found it all for practically nothing including M&S dining table and chairs and Laura Ashley wardrobes which would have cost thousands - she took such pride and pleasure furnishing her beautiful, tiny house for nothing and it looks amazing.

Best:

Dictating your own routine that doesn't have to accommodate other people, basically freedom to do what you want when you want

Likewise, someone else's routine won't disturb you, in my case this is my partner watching YouTube etc when I'm trying to sleep!

Decorating and furnishing your place however you bloody well like (obviously within budget and still within rent agreement when renting)

Lots of space in your bed!

Not having other people's shit being in the way/taking up space

Peacefulness, basically not having to tolerate shitty or abusive behaviour in your own home

Don't have to wear headphones! (Obviously keep neighbours in mind)

Generally only have to cook for yourself, clean up after yourself, etc.

Have full control of household budget and finances, don't have to worry about accommodating others in this.

Can get a cheaper/smaller place to rent or buy, don't need x number of bedrooms

I could go on really... I loved living alone!

Worst:

Can be a lot more expensive... (although I was better off financially living alone, so depends)

Can be lonely of course

Cooking for one can feel like a faff!

Can slip into neglecting yourself as don't have someone else around to keep you in check (some people thrive better alone though)

If you lose work etc, don't have another income to keep things afloat

I've always enjoyed living alone.

No one else to clean up after, or put yourself out for. Do what you want, when you want. It's freeing to not have to consider anyone else in your personal space.

I was redecorating as I was still kicking my ex husband out.

To be honest I felt like I was living the life of riley when I had my own one bed flat compared to now.

Pros freedom basically, cons I hated cooking for one (pro I lost 2 stone, all put back on and some when I moved in with dp).

I have no idea where in the country you are but I'm in the middle of selling my former marital home and neither of us want the contents because we've met people with fully furnished homes, if you get in touch by pm (for privacy I don't want to say my location) if it's in a similar area I have beds, furniture, cooking equipment etc. Don't want any money, was going to donate but local charity shops are overrun with donations. I could have been you so easily but my ex was very generous when we split

My most recent con for living alone is having no one to shout to bring a towel when you get out of the shower and realise you’ve no towel.

Or on a more serious note always having to be the decision maker, little or big. In the last year I’ve had to replace washing machine, microwave and oven. Sometimes it would be nice if someone else could look at the offers etc, work out costs and decide.

But really I love living alone and would probably struggle if I had to live with someone now. No one is judging when I have the same dinner two nights running, what time I go to bed or just how many episodes of Call the Midwife I watch in a day.

I have a personal account and have transferred a good few thousand over for 6 months rent hopefully.
Without going into details I had worked a massive amount of overtime at Xmas to pay for something that we both needed ( think legal ), H was the one sorting it because I was physically away for work.
I was contacted by the place today to let me know that because I didn't pay for mine, only DH's that I am not covered. He just did his, not mine, with money I worked extra to pay for and never told me. Because as long as he is ok nothing else matters.
So I can do without medication, new glasses, new clothes etc. because " we" cant afford it but while I'm away he is ordered takeaways / smoking / going out ( not uk ). I have been a mug for far too young. I'm angry at myself but also feel a huge relief that I left.

Best - everything

Worst - only when you are ill and alone

Bloody hell. Cheers to your new life!

You've left now, that's what matters, no point in kicking yourself about the past, it can be so hard to leave a lengthy relationship, takes a lot of strength to do that so should be pleased with yourself. Were you being financially abused? To me it sounds like you were but I don't know the details. If so, you could find yourself a lot better off living alone as don't have someone else taking your money and leaving you with fuck all.

I dont know if it was financial abuse, but it's the boiling frog analogy isn't it ? It's not like he sits counting cash like Scrooze McDuck laughing at me, it is more insidious. Like, OF COURSE I can buy what I need, but can I just hold off this month because ( insert crap reason here) .

It seems overwhelming right now but I promise it is better.
You go at your own pace and you only do things for your own benefit.
30years will take some processing and you'll have wobbles but it will be better.

Good for you op. It sounds like your life will be better in every way. I wasted a lot of years on a selfish man and have zero regrets about leaving.

I was concerned about money but I am actually far better off financially because I am not having to work and budget double time to cover his stuff ups. I can buy thing for myself without being made to feel guilty. I can watch what I want on tv, cook what I want for dinner and furnish my house my way.

I actually have a renewed sense of self confidence because I was so worn down by my ex and I now realise just what I am capable of on my own. I truly hope the same happens for you.

The only downside is dealing with power outages because I get scared of the dark 🤦‍♀️ but I have surprised myself with how capably I deal with things after year of being told I wouldn't be able too.

For me worst is that in certain situations I am positive I get treated worse than a couple, e.g. neighbours behaving a bit unreasonably or workmen coming to the house. As a couple I think you are a more powerful unit, but if people see you as alone they will push the boundaries or behave aggressively if they think they can get away with it.