What are the best / worst things about living alone.

[GertieCB]

30 years of marriage , never put myself first ever, something has happened this week to make the scales fall from my eyes. I've left, in a hotel atm , need to sort out a rental. Never live by myself as an adult. What are the best / worst things about living alone?

I live alone by choice, I prefer it and don't intend to ever live with anyone again.

You can please yourself about almost EVEYTHING.
You only have to clean up and pick up after yourself.
Only you decide who comes past the front door.
It's peaceful.

Some jobs might require 2 pairs of hands so you have to wait for someone to give you a hand.

Sounds like AH (arsehole husband) has been fleecing you for years, get some legal advice and make sure you get your fair share of the marital assets.

You might find living alone strange at first, if you've never done it as an adult but once you're settled you won't look back.

Good luck

@tulips27

For me worst is that in certain situations I am positive I get treated worse than a couple, e.g. neighbours behaving a bit unreasonably or workmen coming to the house. As a couple I think you are a more powerful unit, but if people see you as alone they will push the boundaries or behave aggressively if they think they can get away with it.

I think usually it's more being female without a man around and therefore being perceived as vulnerable/weak (fuck that) and they try to take advantage of it, I doubt men get this so much as well!

@motogogo that is incredibly kind of you but I'm not uk based. And I will be a lot better off financially on my own.

For me, the only downside is the cost.

The peace, space, autonomy and freedom have been so good for my happiness.

The house is so 'me' even though rented that my friends sometimes laugh at how everything is my favourite colours throughout rather than grown up neutrals. Like you, I started by buying second hand essentials then picked up more as I went including some gorgeous antiques I found as bargains and better appliances in the sales/ black Friday.

Honestly, it sounds like you have left behind financial abuse if you couldn't even stretch to medication or new glasses without it being an issue when he was spending joint money on luxuries for himself.

good luck with your new adventure.

I'm not single but I have very fond memories of decorating my bedroom after leaving my ex. It's really easy to pick a style and to find good quality second hand furniture if you look properly.

I agree with all the pros and cons mentioned above and would emphasise the joy of much less cleaning (why do they make so much mess/drop crumbs/drip coffee?) but I did miss having someone to share my day with, laugh over funny stuff, just chew the fat. I was much happier once I accepted I was single and stopped looking for a replacement - learn to love yourself and live the life you want. I also loved my first small flat, it felt a secure haven with far fewer possessions and expectations. Good luck with your new life 💐

I bloody love living alone - everything about it. I never have to compromise ever - I do what I want, when I want, how I want.

The only con is that no-one else cleans the cat litter. But I always had to do that anyway, except for 5 months of being pregnant.

Best: peace and quiet, doing what you want when you want, not being interrupted.

Worst: this might be my only personal issue with it, I wish there was a spider/bug emergency service, I would pay so much if it existed.

I think most people can be put in one of two camps. Those like me, who are quite happy in their own company, and those who just are not.
When I lived alone (for 15 years) an ideal weekend would be shopping one a Friday on my way from work, and then not going out or seeing anyone from them until Monday.

Don't get me wrong, I love seeing my friends, and I'm so glad I can now.

But I recharge my batteries by being alone, others recharge theirs by being with others.

Maybe look on this as a chance to see what YOU are like?

Pros

The peace! And I have 2dc. Nobody arguing / moods etc

Makes me feel younger and more alive

Cons

Sometimes want some company, esp since lockdown

Money

@Camandmitch

Best:

I could do exactly what I wanted, when I wanted to do it.

Bed to myself.

Only my own mess to clear up, house was always tidier.

Worst:

I had to do everything and pay for everything.

This is pretty much what I was going to say.

I know that if something needs doing them it's my responsibility. Nobody to blame or get annoyed with, or to resent while I'm doing it.

It's so freeing.

But yes, you have to do everything at urging.

And being away from that knobhead and living your own life will feel sooooo good.

No cons for me, it's wonderful.

@ComtesseDeSpair

Best: You make all your own decisions, everything happens the way you want it, no compromises, you can eat, sleep, go out, come back home etc exactly when you want to and have nobody to answer to or even inform. Everything is literally exactly as you want it.

Worst: Financially, purchasing (or renting) and running a home based on one income inevitably means that you’ll probably have to manage your expectations and expect a different level of lifestyle to what you grew accustomed to when you had a partner.

You also have to do all the cleaning etc on your own - though from what I read of so many of the pointless, shitty marriages that end up the subject of MN threads in this section, most women are doing all that themselves already so it actually gets easier when they aren’t picking up after somebody else as well.

Re the second worst section here : get a cleaner.

@GertieCB

The random " yo " made me smile for the first time today .

I liked the random ‘yo’ too!! YO!

Doing exactly what you want, when you want. Good for you, putting yourself first. Enjoy every minute of your new life!!

I lived on my own for about five years and in all honesty I still miss it sometimes

You can come and go as you please, eat what you want for dinner, any mess is your own mess, if you want company you can arrange to do something but if you want some peace and quiet to chill nobody will bother you.

OP - good luck, sounds like you’re well rid of your ex, he sounds awful, hope everything goes brilliantly for you

The best
Bathroom always free and not someone else's mess/smell etc
TV is always your choice (or not on if you wish)
Food is your choice (and not something you dislike).

The worst
No-one to help if you are ill.

Pros
No waiting for the bathroom ever!
Can leave washing up for Days and no one moans
Go to bed when you like without waiting for other person
No deciding what to watch on the TV
Only mess is yours
If you want popcorn for tea so be it

Cons
Cost the same in electric water etc as for two
No one ever makes you cup of tea
When you are ready ill no one to bring you glass of water or medication
In household emergency or decisions no one to assist or say let’s do X

Best

Own front door, absolute discretion about who comes in and how long they stay.

Everything stays exactly where I put it.

All decisions absolutely mine

Worst

Ummmm...

@GertieCB, go you! My exh was financially abusive but in such a subtle way that I couldn't articulate it, very similar to what you just described. Over the past few months it has been very therapeutic for me to realize that if I want to buy an item of clothing, for example, I can just go ahead and do it. I used to panic if there were any extra expenses like new shoes for the kids/upcoming birthday party etc. because I had the option of either trying to find that money from my salary (nursery worker, so not exactly loaded) or asking my husband to help me financially and receiving a massive lecture about how shit I was with money etc.etc.