Please knock some sense into me - pregnant

[NameChange123Preg]

I found out yesterday that I am 4 weeks pregnant, so very early. I only found out so early because my periods are like clockwork and obviously I didn't get it, so took a test. I'm literally 4 and a half weeks pregnant.

I already have an 18mo, I found out with him when I was about 6/7 weeks.

What I need you to kick me about is that I'm rueing the fact that I've found out so early, as I have friends coming over this weekend, I have a work lunch next week, and another work lunch the week after (both of these I will be travelling to other cities for especially).

If I'd just waited and done the test in a couple of weeks I'd be none the wiser (officially, although I think I'd know in myself that I was pregnant), I wouldn't have to somehow find a way to sneakily not drink, or let work colleagues/bosses and close friends know the real reason when I'm only a few weeks pregnant. I feel like I could have bought myself another couple of weeks of normality if I'd just not done the test.

I know I'm being ridiculous and I should be ecstatic about being pregnant, and that these things in the grand scheme of things are so utterly minor they shouldn't even occupy mind space, but I can't help but think I've cheated myself out of some normal activities.

Please tell me I'm being a tit or give me some harsh truths.

You should feel lucky that you found out before you had a drink!

Just tell them you are on a 90 day no alcohol challenge.

There’s literally no connection between you and the embryo at this stage - the embryo is fed from the yolk sac, so even if you did drink it would have no impact what so ever. Drinking becomes a problem when there’s a placenta because alcohol can cross the placenta to the baby. No placenta, no problem.

Seriously, enjoy your events and just don’t go nuts (the risk is falling over/ full on alcohol poisoning not alcohol reaching the embryo at this stage)

Congrats!

Please tell me I'm being a tit or give me some harsh truths.

You're upset that you can't accidentally potentially harm your baby so you're looking for people to tell you that "I drank and the baby was fineeeee" so you can not-accidentally potentially harm your baby.

This comes across to me that you wish you never tested so you could enjoy your boozy lunches.

Just to clarify, I’m not advising you to go put on the lash, but a couple of drinks with friends or a glass of wine on a work lunch is in no way going to go anywhere near your baby and is not going to cause you to miscarry.

The reason I’m making that point crystal clear is because one of my pregnancies ended in miscarriage and I’d had a night out with friends and for ages I felt like I’d killed my baby because of idiots on forums like this who don’t understand how alcohol and embryos work. I ended up going to talk to a GP and she’s the one who basically said to me that there is no chance my drinking at 6 weeks had any impact what so ever.

@Moonshine11
Right. That's pretty much how I feel. Some people don't find out they're pregnant until 7/8 weeks and have carried on as normal up until then (including I assume smoking, drugs, rare steak, pate, brie...!)

But the other side of it - and why I took the test, knowing full well I had the events coming up - is that I think I'd feel unbearably guilty if I'd just carried on regardless, without a test, knowing that I was potentially harming my baby (@Grizalda and @Hariboqueen1 this also comes back to your points too).

@FiloPasty I did think this, and actually I am on a two week diet so that could work...!

I don't necessarily want to go and drink loads. I don't know what I want.

@JackieWeaversAuthorityHere I'm so sorry for your loss, and thank you for the insight. All makes sense.

@Moonshine11

This comes across to me that you wish you never tested so you could enjoy your boozy lunches.

Honestly, in the strongest possible terms, do not say stuff like this to anyone, let alone a complete stranger. You have no idea who OP is or how she’s feeling. A comment line that could really fuck someone up.

@JackieWeaversAuthorityHere fuck someone up? Really? She asked for opinions and that’s what I thought from her post.

@NameChange123Preg and yeah I agree people don’t find out till afew weeks later and do all sorts. Seems like your more worried on what to say to cover yourself more than anything. Congrats anyways!

I’d be more worried about causing FAS than miscarriage. There is no known safe amount/timing. You could drink and baby be ok, lots of people do (because they don’t know they’re pregnant). But there is that teeny tiny risk that would have life long consequences for the baby there. And what happens if when they are older they have something, like ADD that is sometimes caused by FAS and sometimes just is. You’d spend a lot of time wondering/blaming yourself (even though you shouldn’t).

Anyhoo congratulations on the baby but commiserations on spending the next 9 months having conversations like that with yourself over everything from alcohol to soft cheese.

I don't know why you'd have to explain why you don't drink.

If you need an excuse you could always say "I don't fancy it today, got a bit of a headache" and that's that.
then change the subject

@JackieWeaversAuthorityHere

There’s literally no connection between you and the embryo at this stage - the embryo is fed from the yolk sac, so even if you did drink it would have no impact what so ever. Drinking becomes a problem when there’s a placenta because alcohol can cross the placenta to the baby. No placenta, no problem.

Seriously, enjoy your events and just don’t go nuts (the risk is falling over/ full on alcohol poisoning not alcohol reaching the embryo at this stage)

Congrats!

I totally agree with this.

Hormones do funny things to you. I have a child of the same age and it has been really hard not being able to do the usual pub lunches / celebratory drinks because of lockdown. I am really looking forward to a nice summer spent in beer garden and would also feel delighted at being pregnant but a bit like it was another missed opportunity to relax and enjoy myself.

It’s absolutely ok to feel like you’re missing out on real life because of being pregnant. Being pregnant sucks. It’s ok to feel like that.

@Moonshine11 someone asking for opinions doesn’t give you cart Blanche to be a judgemental arse. Seriously, if you’d have replied to my post like that (I made a very similar one) and then I’d miscarried, you’d have completely destroyed my mental health even further. ‘You’re already a shit parent because you want to go drinking’ is the insinuation behind your comment on a post where the OP already expresses those feelings. Uncalled for, unkind, nasty and unnecessary. So yes, you could really fuck someone up with comments like that. Think.

Say you're on antibiotics - easy 🤷🏻‍♀️

I found out at three weeks and momentarily had the same thought - that if I hadn’t tested so early, I’d have drank. But let’s be honest, as soon as I’d found out, I’d have felt majorly anxious and guilty about drinking... and so I reframed it in my mind as being glad that I did know, so I could avoid that stress and worry.

My GP advised me to read Expecting Better, and basically said that in later pregnancy, a small glass of wine every now and again could be okay... but not in the first twelve weeks, even if you find out early.

I’m 10 weeks now and so used to not drinking that I expect I probably won’t, but it was a bit of a shock - and I’m not a big drinker, but a glass of wine with friends is long overdue!

I wouldn’t do it in your case, and didn’t in mine, because you’ll feel awful and anxious afterwards and nobody will be able to really reassure you for a long time. I suspect you feel the same, or you either wouldn’t have tested, or wouldn’t have posted; but it’s your call. Boozy lunches would be funner in the short term, but far more stressful long term.

tbh I think it's lucky you found out this early, I know lots of people who said if they had known they wouldn't have done xyz.

I seldom drink so not being able to drink because of pg or bf was never an issue for me so I guess I just don't get why it's a big deal, sorry.
drink or don't, but you don't owe your colleagues an explanation either way

You're growing a whole baby. You're forming all the important bits right now, things are happening that map out the baby's health all the way into its adulthood.

Yeah, I get it - plenty of women don't find out straight away and do all kinds of things. But why would you take the risk once you know?
I'm a drinker, but I do it to myself. Pregnancy is different. If you can't forego alcohol for your baby, you have a problem.

@wildeverose

Say you're on antibiotics - easy 🤷🏻‍♀️

Waving a giant flag saying I’M PREGNANT is more inconspicuous than saying you’re on antibiotics.

[quote JackieWeaversAuthorityHere]@Moonshine11 someone asking for opinions doesn’t give you cart Blanche to be a judgemental arse. Seriously, if you’d have replied to my post like that (I made a very similar one) and then I’d miscarried, you’d have completely destroyed my mental health even further. ‘You’re already a shit parent because you want to go drinking’ is the insinuation behind your comment on a post where the OP already expresses those feelings. Uncalled for, unkind, nasty and unnecessary. So yes, you could really fuck someone up with comments like that. Think.[/quote]
Oh wow!
Can I just ask if your ok yourself? You seem very very uptight.
The words of ‘shit parent’ never came out my mouth so please refrain from assuming that is what I meant, because it wasn’t.
I don’t have anything against anyone who chooses to have a drink or two, it’s personal choice at the end of the day.
I never even said it would harm your baby etc so if someone was to miscarry after my comment and it fucked their mental health then Christ. But I would assume they would have a lot more going on than to remember my comment about a boozy lunch with no other words in to the affect of loosing a baby.
Have a good day.

Honestly, in the strongest possible terms, do not say stuff like this to anyone, let alone a complete stranger. You have no idea who OP is or how she’s feeling. A comment line that could really fuck someone up.

@Moonshine11 just repeated what OP said. That's what I got too. Read the OP again because OP mentioned she wishing she was none the wiser so she could enjoy. That's not an insult it's literally what OP said. Nobody is even judging, it sense

@Adrianneanneanne exactly

I can understand how you feel, I had to go to two events with free bars whilst pregnant and was grumpy at the timing! I've not been anywhere with a free bar since. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

If you drive, can you drive to your events or volunteer to be designated driver to explain not drinking?
You might be avoiding public transport cos COVID or cos it’s timetable change week on your local route - loads of excuses that don’t scream pregnant like antibiotics do!

Moving away from the potential bunfight which will derail this thread, OP there’s not point dwelling on “what ifs” you’ve tested, you know and now it’s your decision to either drink or not. If you don’t want to drink can you drive to these events so you say you can’t drink as you’re driving? They’re only work lunches, surely it’s not expected you drink or you’re forced to drink alcohol at these? This weekend, get some 0% beers / cider / nosecco in and hide them, pour them into a glass out the way of people etc.

1 drink won't harm so you could have a glass of wine and then move onto soft drinks saying you're cutting back on alcohol if anyone asks.