Please knock some sense into me - pregnant

[NameChange123Preg]

I found out yesterday that I am 4 weeks pregnant, so very early. I only found out so early because my periods are like clockwork and obviously I didn't get it, so took a test. I'm literally 4 and a half weeks pregnant.

I already have an 18mo, I found out with him when I was about 6/7 weeks.

What I need you to kick me about is that I'm rueing the fact that I've found out so early, as I have friends coming over this weekend, I have a work lunch next week, and another work lunch the week after (both of these I will be travelling to other cities for especially).

If I'd just waited and done the test in a couple of weeks I'd be none the wiser (officially, although I think I'd know in myself that I was pregnant), I wouldn't have to somehow find a way to sneakily not drink, or let work colleagues/bosses and close friends know the real reason when I'm only a few weeks pregnant. I feel like I could have bought myself another couple of weeks of normality if I'd just not done the test.

I know I'm being ridiculous and I should be ecstatic about being pregnant, and that these things in the grand scheme of things are so utterly minor they shouldn't even occupy mind space, but I can't help but think I've cheated myself out of some normal activities.

Please tell me I'm being a tit or give me some harsh truths.

@Greygreenblue

I’d be more worried about causing FAS than miscarriage. There is no known safe amount/timing. You could drink and baby be ok, lots of people do (because they don’t know they’re pregnant). But there is that teeny tiny risk that would have life long consequences for the baby there. And what happens if when they are older they have something, like ADD that is sometimes caused by FAS and sometimes just is. You’d spend a lot of time wondering/blaming yourself (even though you shouldn’t).

Anyhoo congratulations on the baby but commiserations on spending the next 9 months having conversations like that with yourself over everything from alcohol to soft cheese.

No, there is no risk. As a pp said, no placenta no problem. There is no mechanism for harm to exist. Don't lecture others when you don't understand the science.

I don’t know if this is normal in pregnancy as this is my first but the weather was nice last night and I just wanted an evening walk to the pub and to sit in the beer garden with a gin or glass of wine. We’ve had a year of no socialisation. I think it’s normal to feel a bit bad that you can’t have a drink with friends or colleagues. Drinking and finding out later would have caused the thoughts of you shouldn’t drank then. So there is no winning.

PP has pointed out that having a drink will have no effect at this stage but it’s up to you if you feel comfortable or not. If you don’t feel comfortable, that’s fine. I think the antibiotics is a tired excuse and everyone knows that is code for pregnant. You do have some great time limited ones at the minute - you’ve been hitting the booze a bit too much at home during lockdown and need to reset your relationship with alcohol. You’ve had the jab and got a bit of a headache/feel a bit under the weather. You don’t want to take public transport at the moment, so you’ll be driving. You’re losing your lockdown stone. You’ve already been to the pub four times this week as you got a bit excited seeing everyone and your liver really needs a break. You need to do a deep clean of the house because you’ve finally got someone coming over and you can’t do that if you’re hungover. You’ve not been out for ages and won’t drink at home so you’re a lightweight now, even just one and you’ll be on your arse. The pandemic has obviously been awful for many reasons but it’s a goldmine for why you aren’t drinking at the moment.

I agree with others who are saying there's no placenta, so one drink or so at lunch won't do any harm at this stage in the pregnancy if you are 4 weeks.

I fell pregnant at the start of the pandemic. I'm not much of a drinker at all but happened to have a boozy zoom call with friends just before I found out I was pregnant. I was blubbering about it to the midwife, who pointed out that I don't have a placenta yet and most people have drank early in their pregnancy without realising.

However, my cousin found out she was pregnant when she was 7 months or so. She was still having her periods and didn't look pregnant/had no symptoms so never knew until that point. She had been living life as normal, going out for occasional drinks etc, her baby was completely fine. However, a friend of a friend was going out for benders for months while not knowing she was pregnant and her baby was born with lots of problems, she was devastated and felt so guilty. So as long as you are 100% confident you are not further along than you think you are I guess.

I would love to gave your problem! 13 months ttc and counting. Maybe try to focus on your blessings and be grateful rather than on the fact you can’t get drunk?!

I genuinely don't understand this obsession with alcohol and needing to have it every time you go anywhere. I do drink but certainly don't need to every time I have a meal out, and even on nights out (clubbing etc.) will regularly just be on soft drinks. And my friends wouldn't bat an eyelid so there would be no need to explain anything. Why do you need to come up with excuses? Just say you don't fancy an alcoholic drink and order something else.

Say antibiotics for an ear infection?

My friend didn’t find out she was pregnant until 32 weeks. We have pics of her at a party a week or two before she found out and she’s wearing a crop top with her washboard abdomen on show. None of us have a clue where the baby was hiding but as soon as she found out the bump popped out, it was really freaky. She was drinking a lot at said party because she genuinely had no idea, she didn’t have periods because had the implant. We were in our late teens at the time so she drank an awful lot right throughout but he’s 11 now and absolutely fine.

Your embryo isn’t even feeding from a placenta right now so the drink wouldn’t pass through. You wouldn’t cause any ill effects by having a drink or two. If you don’t want to drink, just say you’re on antibiotics.

I know a girl who went to Ibiza and did all sorts and found out at 18 weeks she was pregnant the worry was HUGE . ultimately there’s a fine line though, a single glass of wine will not do anything and in some countries it’s encouraged. I know people who didn’t touch a drop even when trying to conceive, cut out all sorts, any potential allergens, really rigid and then breastfed and didn’t drink once until child was almost school age, just really disciplined, and the children are no different to the others who’s parents did things differently !

At the end of the day, do what you want but it depends on what kind of person you are, i.e. are you a worrier?

It may well be that the risks of drinking harming the baby are minimal at this stage, but if you have some drinks at those events and are then likely to spend the rest of the pregnancy worrying if you've done any harm, then is it really worth it? Personally I wouldn't as it would probably have wrecked my mental health as I'd have spent my entire pregnancy feeling guilty. But I'm quite a cautious anxious person naturally. If you're not and know you won't feel that way then go for it.

I had this. I'd booked and paid for an event for a work night out and it was to be a boozy kind of event and it would have been completely odd for me not to have drunk and would have raised questions.

I stayed out of rounds saying I had to drive first thing so wouldn't drink so much and thus went to the bar myself - got my self non alcoholic drinks / cocktails / just coke etc and nobody even noticed.

@JackieWeaversAuthorityHere is a refreshing bit of actual non misogynistic science on Mumsnet. Have a couple of drinks OP, it is physically, chemically and environmentally IMPOSSIBLE for the alcohol to reach the embryo.

I wouldn't say it's antibiotics. Very few antibios actually react with alcohol. It's a common myth that you mustn't mix with any.
Most common ones are fine to drink with. So you may get asked what type they are as a lot of people know this fact.
Could you just say you overdid it the night before and have a hangover already.

I was in your position OP - was heading to Niagara for a girls weekend around a shit ton of vineyards, and stupidly the day before I flew I POAS. I didn’t feel pregnant at all and was halfway through about a pint of wine and sure enough the stick said pregnant. I was due on the next day.

Called my OBGYN who said “go, enjoy your weekend, have a few drinks but don’t get leathered and come back and see me for your scan at 6 weeks”.
I went, had a fantastic time, had maybe one-two drinks each day.

There is an element of risk that you have to decide whether you’re comfortable with and this is true for all things that aren’t recommended in pregnancy. I understood the risk because I knew that there was no placenta, and nothing connecting the ball of cells to me at 4 weeks pregnant.

I did tell my girlfriends that I was pregnant though, I wasn’t fussed about hiding it from them.

It’s not impossible for alcohol to affect the embryo. It’s currently embedding into the endometrium & communicating with the endometrium. The central nervous system is developing, and the cells are multiplying rapidly. The embryo is very sensitive at this time compared to in the last trimester.

The risk is not of miscarriage but developmental issues such as fetal alcohol syndrome. No one can really pinpoint exactly what the risks are, but only a fool would say there are no risks in drinking alcohol at this early stage.

@Shelby2010

Are you medically trained?

Just pretend to drink! It always seems like a big deal when there's something to hide but as long as you have a full glass and don't make a big deal of telling people you're not drinking no one will even notice. I survived my BF's 40th at about 5 weeks and no one noticed as I always had a glass in my hand.

No, I have a scientific background.