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Original poster

Why is no-one saying it's wrong?

35 replies

Savannahannah · 24/05/2021 23:08

Fran is the party host, the one who plans everything and everyone always has a good time. She has the perfect life all over social media but it's all a lie, all she does it talk behind everyone's backs and plays everyone off against eachother, she has a real nasty tendency.
Me and Fran are no longer friends because I can't be around her shit, she's just a liar and she just talks shit about everyone, so I called her out.. now I'm the bad guy? I've been there for Fran through tough times more than anyone but the way she's making our mutual friends treat me is disgusting, she's purposely got closer to our mutual friends so I'm alone. Girls she doesn't like have now taken the place of me. Our mutual friends and her family have stopped acknowledging anything I do or even a simple happy birthday. My 2 best friends are still pally with her & actually tell her when anything's planned so she "doesn't see it in social media and feel like shit" but all I ever do is find out they've been together via social media cos no-one ever saves my feelings. My 2 best friends don't think there's anything wrong and are quite alright with her being so nasty and making me feel this way.. how can everyone be so horrible? We're all 27 btw so hardly teenagers! Feel so alone it's horrible

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 24/05/2021 23:09

Sounds like being on social media is making you totally miserable and you'd be a lot happier without it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 24/05/2021 23:10

Maybe they like fran and her parties.

Returnoftheowl · 24/05/2021 23:34

@PermanentTemporary

Sounds like being on social media is making you totally miserable and you'd be a lot happier without it.
Definitely this. Maybe a digital media break/snoozing people involved would do you good.

It sounds like a shit situation, but unfortunately you can't control how other people act.

UhtredRagnarson · 24/05/2021 23:36

the way she's making our mutual friends treat me is disgusting

They’re adults. They’re responsible for their own behaviour. If they are treating you in a disgusting way it’s because they want to. They aren’t nice people and they shouldn’t be people you want to call friends.

PaulGallico · 24/05/2021 23:48

Quitting social media is the answer. Very long, detailed post OP.

JadeandGreen · 24/05/2021 23:55

Sometimes often people are just shit! Find new friends worthy of you, hold your head up high and move on Flowers

Flowers500 · 25/05/2021 00:20

You've fallen out with her, we weren't there so we can't say who was right. She sounds like the go getter who keeps social activities going, however you think she's also a bitch. Sounds like you were close and there is a lot of hurt behind the friendship break-up.

You can't blame her if other people took her side, they are adults and you can't expect it to go your way automatically. Bear in mind people will typically chose who they are closest to and what is easiest rather than who is right, so it doesn't really matter if they agree she's a bit much. Ultimately they like her despite her flaws.
You can't expect her close friends and family to give you love on social media when you have chosen to cut things off with her.

I don't really get what she has done so nasty since your friendship ended? It sounds like she just stopped being your friend, but you wanted everyone to go against her? In which case you are being unreasonable and trying to socially isolate her.

JustJoinedRightNow · 25/05/2021 03:44

@PaulGallico

Quitting social media is the answer. Very long, detailed post OP.
Confused what’s wrong with a detailed post?

OP this sucks, my only words of wisdom are that she will get her comeuppance. One day her carefully crafted facade will slip and more people will start to see her for what she is really like.

Hold your head high and do not let her see how much she is hurting you.

And seriously, get off FB. It is the devil!

Maggiesfarm · 25/05/2021 05:04

Social media is pure arse.

Crispychillibeef · 25/05/2021 07:06

You must ask yourself why your friends have chosen her over you. They have agency over themselves; she hasn't made them do anything. Yes your situation is bound to make you feel shitty, but you don't seem to want to take any responsibility for it. You sound bitter about Fran but you don't see why "calling her out" has had negative repercussions for you.

Time for some introspection.

BogRollBOGOF · 25/05/2021 07:52

It's group dynamics. You've seen through it and she uses bitching as a bonding ecperience. People enjoy the social kudos of the parties, so they stick with it and the social gluevcarries on until its her turn. It is all very playground.

I know it's not the best timing as the world is still far from normal, but you need to find a better group of friends that realise that they're adults.

Bananarice · 25/05/2021 08:00

I would drop them all and get of social media. Find new friends or hobbies that fill your time with contentment. You can meet new people this way.

The other adults have chosen their side. Only they know why. Thank the heavens you no longer have her in your life and move on.

IliveonCoffee · 25/05/2021 08:03

Fran's actions are easy to see coming. You know she talks behind other's back, is nasty and manipulates other. It's terribly unfair, but calling the Frans out never works, as everyone sides with them lest they fall victim to her latest smear campaign.

They probably enjoy her parties, and know...like you found out, they will lose all the friends that come with it. Maybe some of them haven't seen it, and have taken her words about you at face value.

It's stupid and childish. Stop engaging with them - unfollow them all (you don't have to necessarily unfriend them on fb - it just means their posts don't pop up in your newsfeed), and go find your own thing.

PurpleDaisies · 25/05/2021 09:02

It’s awkward when your friends fall out and you’re caught in the middle. They are probably getting a totally different story from her.

I agree that coming off social media and spending more time with other friends is best.

Lunariagal · 25/05/2021 09:31

I used to have a fran in my life. We fell out because I was no longer prepared to dance to her tune, and I was sick of the drama and the compulsive lying. Fortunately this person does not do social media.

We do still have 1 mutual friend. This person does still see her, although she is under no illusions about what she is like.

When we first fell out, I wanted the world to know what she was really like. What I have found is that if I do that, I come across as the bitch. If I play the long game, and say little or nothing, then other people will eventually realise what she is like, and I've not responded in kind.

And this is exactly what has happened. Its taken 2 years.

Remove this person and her family from sm. If you can maintain a friendship with your mutual friends then do so. If not, then remove them.as well. Move on, get new friends. And above all, stop caring - you can t control other people's behaviour but you can control your response.

GirlCrush · 25/05/2021 09:35

she's obviously well liked.

maybe you have underestimated her....sounds like you think everyone else is wrong

justanotherneighinparadise · 25/05/2021 09:37

That’s what these people do. You will never beat them as there are extremely clever at it. All you can do is pick your wounds and wait the years it will take for others to see through her and join your tribe. He warned though, the waiting will take YEARS.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/05/2021 09:40

You need new friends and a break from SM

roguetomato · 25/05/2021 09:45

You think she is a liar and called her out. You must have expected to go the other way and she would be the one to be treated badly by your friends. But who's side other friends take is up to them. You say you are not teenagers ,but certainly acting like it.

Original poster
Savannahannah · 25/05/2021 10:40

@Flowers500 these 2 have been my best friends since birth.. we really couldn't be any closer. These people also call her rotten behind her back but whenever she feels a bit rubbish they're the first people to be up her arse. These same people that told me it was nothing to do with them and it wouldn't change mine and their friendship & that it 'wasn't their argument' and have told me we're good.. all now turn their backs. If you think that's nice behaviour that Fran has turned people against me, because she did the same thing to us when she fell out with someone else "so I'm not friends with her so that means we're not friends with her" then fuck me, I must be the problem!

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Original poster
Savannahannah · 25/05/2021 10:41

@JadeandGreen

Sometimes often people are just shit! Find new friends worthy of you, hold your head up high and move on Flowers
Thank you! I needed to see this 💕
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Original poster
Savannahannah · 25/05/2021 10:41

@JustJoinedRightNow thank you 💕

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Original poster
Savannahannah · 25/05/2021 10:42

@BogRollBOGOF

It's group dynamics. You've seen through it and she uses bitching as a bonding ecperience. People enjoy the social kudos of the parties, so they stick with it and the social gluevcarries on until its her turn. It is all very playground.

I know it's not the best timing as the world is still far from normal, but you need to find a better group of friends that realise that they're adults.

You've literally hit the nail in the head there! Thank you
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Original poster
Savannahannah · 25/05/2021 10:44

@IliveonCoffee

Fran's actions are easy to see coming. You know she talks behind other's back, is nasty and manipulates other. It's terribly unfair, but calling the Frans out never works, as everyone sides with them lest they fall victim to her latest smear campaign.

They probably enjoy her parties, and know...like you found out, they will lose all the friends that come with it. Maybe some of them haven't seen it, and have taken her words about you at face value.

It's stupid and childish. Stop engaging with them - unfollow them all (you don't have to necessarily unfriend them on fb - it just means their posts don't pop up in your newsfeed), and go find your own thing.

Yes! You know a Fran and you know exactly what she's likes, thank you for seeing that.. convinced the other people that are pushing it on me are Fran's the self 😂 thank you 💕
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Original poster
Savannahannah · 25/05/2021 10:49

@Lunariagal thank you, I don't think anyone else will come to realise their life would be greater without her as everyone else slags her off all the time anyway and just all play the best friend act and it's just not in my nature to behave that way, so I think everyone is quite happy with the arrangement.. I've had a long life of people disregarding my feelings and mostly by the 2 people I call my best friends so I think this is just making me realise they're friends that I've had for life but they're not my best friends.. I think I just need to detach myself and I've deleted my social media apps! You're all right, it's a bastard!
Thank you all for your kindness x

OP posts:
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