Taking time off when kids are ill... who does it in your house?

[hermionieweasley]

We have two DC, 1 and 3.5. Both started childcare for the first time in Feb and both have caught every bug going. One is poorly, then the other. It seems to be constant. We have had tummy bugs, nasty colds, diarrhoea, ear infections, more colds, coughs and sore throats. It is constant. I'm a secondary school teacher and DH works from home but is new to his job and it's v demanding and requires full concentration- working with kids at home isn't really an option.

I'm embarrassed at how many times I have had to call up to say I can't come in as DC is Ill. Is this what it is like for all working mums? Both DC just want me when they're feeling poorly, particularly DS2 as he wants to feed all day.

Like everything else we agreed to share equally, overall I think dh probably did a little more than me because I was usually up and out the house before they woke up.

Dh and I both work full time in supervisory roles. Ds1 started reception in September, ds2 started nursery in Feb. So far dh has actually taken more time off than me as I only just returned from maternity leave.

I’m a teacher as well so it’s nearly always been DH who takes time off over the years. His job is far more flexible and boss is v tolerant.

I’m part time which has helped as it hasn’t usually been that many days he’s needed to take off before I was off. It’s more difficult when whatever DC1 had wrong with them then goes through the whole family though as it last a while!

We both work full time, but with reasonably flexible employers so we split it 50:50 on average. We usually compare diaries and then decide who it will impact most on a day by day basis.

It's harder for dh to take time out at short notice so it almost always ends up being me on the first day. Subsequent days it gets split depending on who can do it more easily. I'm part time so around some days anyway and if dh can get his rota sorted round those days then he might end up taking more.

We do the same as Plug and see who has the most meetings the next day or which are more important. Have managed to share it pretty evenly so far..

Usually me. I have good leave policies whereas DH is self employed. That said he will do it if I have an important meeting I have to make

We play the "who's more busy and important" game and try and juggle it between us. When the DC were that age, factors in deciding this included that I only worked 3 days a week so taking a day off represented 33% of my working week whilst only 20% of DH's. On the other hand, I worked 1 day a week from home so, to the extent work could be done whilst dealing with poorly DC, it was usually easier for me to do it from home than it was for DH.

I'm a TA and husband works from home. I will take poorly child until 12:30 and then go into work, leaving my DH to take over until 3:30.

Originally it was supposed to be 50/50, but the reality was that DH did it more often than I did. Why? Because of he was in civil service most of the time and they had better flexible working and parental protections for taking sick days to care for children. I’ve always been corporate and so less protected from “revenge” type personnel actions if not present due to sick children. It’s not legal, but private sector tends to ignore laws as it suits them (imho) and see being fined when caught as a cost of doing business.

( Our youngest DC is now 17 so able to be sick at home alone now. )

Me currently because I wfh and he works out. But historically he did it more as my job was more 'serious'.

I think if you're a teacher, he should do it at least 50/50

I’m a teacher, DP is in a corporate type role. Theoretically it’s 50/50 (whoever can drop everything and run goes to pick them up, then whoever is freest takes over) but in practice it’s always DP who it impacts less to take the time off. He does the first day or two and I’ll do the second or third day and it usually doesn’t come to that.

I'm a single working mum so it would fall to me but I've never had to do it. DS almost 8. Neither of us really get ill, not enough to need to take time off anyway - maybe a mild cold once a year. DS has never had a tummy bug and I can't remember the last time I had one.

Like one of the PP we look to see whose day would be most affected on day 1. It's very much 50/50 split.
As a manager I'd be really annoyed if an employee was taking all the time off if there is another parent at home.
Definitely don't think this is how it has to be as a working mother.

We’ve been very lucky in that, prior to covid, both kids have only ever been off nursery/school on one occasion each! With covid we ended up having to isolate once due to a minor cough (obviously all had to stay at home) and then youngest had to isolate as a contact for 14 days so we split that equally between us. In general though, we aim for an equitable split.

Similar to PP we share it depending upon what is happening (and whether I was around as used to travel) or now in wfh we tend to see who has key meetings and wrangle around it

50/50, doesn't matter who earns more, it should be shared to not only be fair on the parent but for the employers. I think one of the most harmful things to other working women is working women constantly taking the time off, it reflects badly on all of us!! DH is military which is about as unfamily-friendly as it comes, but when he isn't deployed he makes it quite clear when he is needed at home, and that balances out with the times he can't be home, we still do it like this even though I WFH, it shouldn't all be on me.

I can remember them being ill a lot but I don't think it was off work that much with it. They never really get poorly now they are at school.

We used to see what we could shuffle around / move and who it would work for slightly less badly.

It wasn't that often though. I think partly as we used Childminders and I think they are less likely to pick so much up from other dc, but also our CMers were always willing to use a bit of common sense and be more flexible than Nurseries can be.

Me because I hate my job 😂😂

We split it 50:50, like the PPs playing 'who has the most important day today'. We both held back a week of annual leave each year to cover the sick days (with 3DC including a child with a chronic illness there were lots). DH (public sector) also took a week of unpaid parental leave each year which helped. It's only for a few years and it's worst in the first year. My youngest is 8 now and old enough that as long as one of us is WFH he can be left on the sofa all day when poorly.

Before we had DC we thought it would be equal, but in reality it’s always me. My workplace is much more family friendly than DH’s.

DH and I both teach full-time. It's equally inconvenient to both our schools if either of us are off so we split it 50:50. If one of us had something really important like an Ofsted inspection, the other one would take time off.

We see who has a busier day and the other one has the first day off then we split. Sometimes it's definitely top trumps of who is busiest! We have started splitting the day too - I might go to work for the morning then swap at lunchtime and that works best for us as we have both got something done!

@Cantbebotheredtothinkofaname

Before we had DC we thought it would be equal, but in reality it’s always me. My workplace is much more family friendly than DH’s.

Similar here. DH will step in if I have a super important call but generally, my colleagues are much happier to be distracted by a sick toddler than DH's are so I tend to do most of it.