Taking time off when kids are ill... who does it in your house?

[hermionieweasley]

We have two DC, 1 and 3.5. Both started childcare for the first time in Feb and both have caught every bug going. One is poorly, then the other. It seems to be constant. We have had tummy bugs, nasty colds, diarrhoea, ear infections, more colds, coughs and sore throats. It is constant. I'm a secondary school teacher and DH works from home but is new to his job and it's v demanding and requires full concentration- working with kids at home isn't really an option.

I'm embarrassed at how many times I have had to call up to say I can't come in as DC is Ill. Is this what it is like for all working mums? Both DC just want me when they're feeling poorly, particularly DS2 as he wants to feed all day.

We call it taking the hit. It's desperate. I remain part time for this reason (and for holidays). Otherwise we are 50/50 for days we both work. Probably more me to be fair.

try to split it equally.

We alternate days off (with exceptions if one of us had something particularly important) it's shit, but if it's only one of you all the time it will definitely have a negative impact on how you are perceived.

If DH can work from home is he able to ask for a flexible day when the kids are sick eg he does most of the work early in the morning or evening to catch up?

Dh is currently out of work so of course he looks after ill dc. When he was working we used to take it in turns.

We take turns, with some flexibility if one of us has something super important on.

Generally him on the days I work as I am a health care professional with patient appointments that will have to be cancelled if I am off and I only work part time. Recently I have had to take time off too as it’s been getting out of hand with covid and nursery keep on closing. DH is the higher earner at the end of the day.
But in your case I think it should be 50/50.

We share. I probably have done more overall, but that is just how it worked out with work and meetings, plus they kids like to share their bugs with me!

Now he works from home, maybe he can supervise them more!

*the kids

50:50 in our house. We have similar demands from our jobs with respect to being able to take time off (i.e the world won't stop spinning if we're absent in the same way it would if either of us were a teacher, surgeon, lawyer due in court etc) but equally it's unfair to burden either employer with an absent member of staff more so than the other's employer.

Why can your DH not take a day off? He doesn’t have to work from home. He can actually take a day off just like you have to. Share it.

We used to share it. Probably 50:50, but we weren't rigid about it - we would consider what each of us had scheduled for the day in question and then decide what could give. I was in a more senior role so probably had more control over my schedule overall.

Fortunately, dd didn't get sick very often!

DH mostly as his job was more flexible and he’s always been able to work from home. As a teacher, I had no flexibility, but sometimes just had to - if DH was at a conference or was actually teaching his students.

I work part-time, night shifts so I'm always home. It means I get even less sleep than usual but on the whole it works for us. Fortunately DP has a pretty flexible employer & can WFH in the evenings if I need him to be around for whatever reason.

It's normally been me as I am part time and can wfh and I can get stuff done with mine here. However, my husband (police officer) also has done his share when not easy for me to have them. With a job like yours I'd hope he'd share it with you.

Generally, I will go and pick up sick DC if they're sent home in the middle of the day as I work closer and can log on from home in the evening if needed, but DH will usually take any additional days off. He's civil service so he gets more days leave than me and his work is generally more flexible about absence. If it (very rarely) is more than a day or two, we start taking turns to be off.

When DD first started nursery DH did most of it as his role was more flexible and I was often away 2/3 nights a week. It was only the odd day so pretty manageable.

It was a different story when DS started nursery. In the first 6 months of starting DS was at home around 40% of the time as he was quite poorly on and off. I did pretty much all of it as I'd changed roles and was working from home anyway. I spent many days on the sofa with my laptop with DS beside me. I often wonder what would have happened if I'd been in my previous role and how we'd have managed.

@PlugUgly1980

We both work full time, but with reasonably flexible employers so we split it 50:50 on average. We usually compare diaries and then decide who it will impact most on a day by day basis.

Same for us! Although now I can wfh and it's much better for me to work if I possibly can so I will likely do more going forward.

I work PT (3 days per week and from home since March 2020). DP is full time but self employed so chikdcare when poorly falls to me. To be honest as long as I don't have to home educate the older two, it's fine. I can manage my workload and a poorly child.

When I was in the office we'd do it on a 'needs must' basis. If I absolutely needed to be in work he'd take the day off etc.

Kids are 8, 6 and 3. 3yo is disabled and has SEN so there are regular appointments (medical and therapies) and again they fall to me but I schedule them around work as must as possible.