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"You've lost weight" irritating.

66 replies

sadperson16 · 21/05/2021 18:07

Why do other women feel the need to comment and how am I supposed to respond.
I have lost a couple of pounds, so what?

OP posts:
Ecdysis · 21/05/2021 22:36

I also hate it, because it's linked to the Idea that being skinny is good. Only women seem to get this accolade

MorrisZapp · 21/05/2021 22:40

Sorry to hear so many people on here that have lost weight due to illness or trauma, I hope you're OK now. The reality is though that most women feel better about themselves when slim, and so for most women and indeed all the men I know too, 'have you lost weight' is a mood boosting compliment.

I only say it to people who I'm pretty sure haven't been ill. And I love hearing it because yes, I have lost weight!

Imcrc · 21/05/2021 23:02

I have to admit I hate it too.
I struggle with eating disorders and I'm trying to improve my relationship with food. So when someone comments on my weight I feel like it feeds this negative part of me. I know most people mean it in a nice way but I have such a terrible body image that any comments good or bad effect me. I would never say anything though, I just say aw thanks! haha

BinocularVision · 21/05/2021 23:28

@Ecdysis

I also hate it, because it's linked to the Idea that being skinny is good. Only women seem to get this accolade
Yes, and in my case the assumption that ‘skinny=good’ apparently held despite the fact that cancer made me not just skinny, but gaunt, pale, hollow-eyed, with dreadful skin and hair. You’d have to have an incredibly skewed set of ideas about bodies to think I looked in anyway good.
MajorNeville · 21/05/2021 23:59

I'm half way through losing a stack of weight, people who know I'm dieting, my mum and a couple of friends, I don't mind them commenting but I don't like random people talking about it. I find it uncomfortable really, a compliment isn't bad but asking how much I've lost is personal.

PickAChew · 22/05/2021 00:00

I think the ultimate passive aggressive response would be "how nice for you"

Wearywithteens · 22/05/2021 00:03

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 22/05/2021 00:04

@Ecdysis

I also hate it, because it's linked to the Idea that being skinny is good. Only women seem to get this accolade
Surely it's just linked to 'overweight is bad'? And both men and women are told that.
littlepattilou · 22/05/2021 14:40

@FizzyPink

I’d love this but then I’ve lost 10lbs recently and no one seems to have noticed.

On the flip side I hate “oh don’t you look well”

I hate 'you look well' too.

It's secret code for 'you've gained weight.'

I know a young woman who had suffered an eating disorder for much of her life (since around 13-14 years old.) She was 13 and a half stone at the age of 20, and at that point she decided to do something about it, and started eating healthier, and exercising more.

She dropped from 13 and a half stone to 9 and a half stone in around 9 months. Loads of people said she looked great for losing the weight/much healthier/looked nicer in clothes etc...

But she got a couple of apparently well-meaning people (one older relative, and a neighbour of her parents,) saying she had lost too much weight, and looked 'too thin.' 9 and a half stone at 5 ft 4 is not too thin, but hey...

So anyway, she regained half a stone over Christmas, and ONE of the 'well-meaning' people (her older relative,) said 'ooh, you look so much better now you've gained some weight...' Hmm

Result; she lost another 2 stone, dropped to eight stone, and her eating disorder became much, much worse.

So IMO, it's OK to tell someone they have lost weight and they look good with it, but saying they have gained it is unacceptable. It's much worse. The VAST majority of people want to be slim/athletic, but NO-ONE wants to be fat. There are so many negative connotations to it, that you'd have to have rocks in your head to prefer being fat.

So it's pretty obvious that people much prefer being told they have lost weight. And most people will say they look better, because 95% of the time, they do (if it's a healthy lower weight!) As I said earlier, most people look better not fat!

EBearhug · 22/05/2021 14:48

I think it’s ok if people who know you’re actively trying to lose weight comment.

This. Less good when it's just through stress and they know what you've been going through. When your clothes literally start falling off you, it's just one more thing you have no control over.

BettyUnderswoob · 22/05/2021 15:00

I lost a few stone some years ago and was delighted with the comments. It was hard work and I definitely looked and felt better. I loved how I was able to dress, too

I find it the ultimate insult ‘wow you look great’ means you looked utterly shit before

Eh? Can people only look 'great' or 'utterly shit'? Confused

PurpleDaisies · 22/05/2021 15:16

I’ve had some nice comments about looking really fit. I’ve worked out a lot through the lockdowns and definitely toned up a lot. It’s good to know people have noticed and probably better than “you’ve lost weight”.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 22/05/2021 15:27

I think 'have you lost weight' is a lazy thing to say - if you want to compliment someone, put a bit of effort in, instead of just assuming we're all obsessed with numbers on a scale.
And the unspoken implication that each time you don't say it you are thinking oh dear ihavent is looking fat & tired & unwell today, I'd better not say anything
I'd much rather have a conversation with people who have got more interesting (&l less potentially offensive) things to talk about than my appearance.

IslandLulu · 22/05/2021 15:42

It's annoying.

OrchidLass · 22/05/2021 16:41

I think it depends. A colleague was trying very hard to lose weight and talked about it a lot. She did lose quite a lot and I did mention it to her and she was chuffed to bits. I wouldn't mention it in any other circumstances.

Fishandhips · 22/05/2021 16:46

@PegasusReturns

I’m afraid I love it.

It’s hard work losing weight and I’m delighted when I’ve lost a few pounds. I already know I wasn’t looking my best a few pounds over weight so I don’t take it as a criticism.

Me too. Although absolutely I can see why some don't like it, especially if the weight loss is due to other reasons such as illness.
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