Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anyone else seem to constantly need change in their life?

32 replies

Allhallowseve · 20/05/2021 14:31

Hi all just wondered if it's just me . I have recently noticed that if I have nothing going on in my life I feel the need to "change " something . I am left wondering ....Is this just a dodgy personality , the result of a bit of a chaotic childhood or just coincidence.
I don't seem to stay in a job more than three years always striving for the next thing . I have three children which creates some sort of chaos however when not pregnant or thinking about having another baby , I'm either looking for a new job or contemplating moving house . Is it just me or does anyone else do this ?

OP posts:

MistySkiesAfterRain · 20/05/2021 14:57

I think its personal preference. Its not a dodgy personality. It is grass is greener thinking and you have to sober yourself up sometimes and ask whether more is always better or you can appreciate what (things, relationships) you have. Will it really make your life better...or should you say hell life is too short not to. People like you have a lot of fun 😀

Toilenstripes · 20/05/2021 15:03

Could be ADHD. I’m a lot like this m but was even more so in my 20s and 30s. Always up for the next adventure. But I think children need stability in their lives so you might want to further explore this side of yourself and find ways to tone it down.

SollaSollew · 20/05/2021 15:05

I'm very similar though my main focus is house moving and renovations. I move house very frequently and they are always project houses. We last moved less than a year ago and still in the throes of renovation but I'm already planning the next big move, to a new city this time. I do have to have a "research project" going on all the time too which might be something like holidays or birthday presents etc.

I am not sure I could describe my childhood as chaotic but my parents divorced when I was young and I'm NC with my step dad, low contact with my real dad and my mum and I speak and she visits regularly but we're not very close. I feel a bit rootless maybe?

I try to look at the positives and think of it as ambition to continue to improve the lives of myself and family. Dh is very good at reigning in my wilder ideas so it works well as I'm the driving force and he keeps us pointed in the right direction.

MolotovMocktail · 20/05/2021 15:09

I am like this, possibly due to a very itinerant upbringing. Now I am a parent I am committed to providing more stability for my family, but it is a struggle tbh. I feel my wings have very much been clipped and I am really bored.

Original poster

Allhallowseve · 20/05/2021 17:39

That's interesting . My children do have a very stable life and I would have moved jobs more often if it wasn't for them .
I was quite a free spirit and enjoyed travelling a lot when younger which has been off the cards for a few years since my eldest was born.
I just had a light bulb moment and noticed that when I don't have any life changing events happening I seem to yearn to create them.

OP posts:

BinocularVision · 20/05/2021 20:16

I had a very stable, impoverished upbringing, with very passive parents who had an ingrained fear of novelty of any kind. This has made me someone who likes to change things.

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 20/05/2021 20:22

I honestly think this is just personality.
I had a stable, loving childhood. I moved about 16 times in 14 years as a young adult, and despite having several post-grad degrees, have never stuck out a job beyond beginner level. Since meeting dh and having dc we have lived in one house for 6 years and I have MASSIVELY itchy feet, but can’t do anything about it because the kids need stability. So a small part of my brain constantly taps its foot in irritation

My grandfather clocked up 43 house moves in total, often to my grandmother’s chagrin. My dad went to boarding school (and hated it) and has lived in one house since. I never really thought about the connections until recently.

OhMyAttic · 20/05/2021 20:25

DH. Drives me crazy. I’ve moved enough for a lifetime, I’m staying put until the kids have finished school.

Notsure6 · 20/05/2021 20:27

I am exactly like this, OP. I think I’d be more content if I weren’t! But I can’t help it. I’ve found this last year especially hard as there has been no change at all. Nothing. I find that unbearable!

sundayistheday · 20/05/2021 20:27

Yes and am ADHD. It's very exhausting but knowledge means you can try and find less chaotic ways to manage that dopamine searchlight that's always on...

lalamo · 20/05/2021 20:28

I'm like this but trying to stop and just be. I like changes because it absorbs all my angst but what I really want is to have less angst!

BarryTheChopper · 20/05/2021 20:32

I’m like this, always pushing for change, travel, new jobs etc. I also had a chaotic childhood with evictions etc.

Jobs are the worst for me, I reach a point where the shutters come down and I have to leave. Luckily I have always left for a better role and have furthered my career with it, and ironically, probably given myself more stability.

DH is the total opposite, but the only thing he puts his foot down about is moving frequently. The rest of the time he just lets me get on with it and I think is secretly happy I haven’t upgraded him yet.

user8783 · 20/05/2021 21:11

Oh my god me 🙈 I've moved about 8 times in 10 years and changed jobs (within a career) 5 times in that time too, the moves are justifiable without boring details and ending up in our dream home and the jobs have all been a step up, so it's all progress really, but I thrive off it, I love having the next big thing to plan. I'm so relieved to be in our long term home and not moving again for a long time as we're settling the kids, but I just know I'm going to get itchy feet, I'm hoping travel opens up again soon so I can channel it into that and the planning it involves!

user8783 · 20/05/2021 21:13

And I had the most static, stable childhood living in one home for most of it of which was a wrench to leave. Although I love change I am a deeply nostalgic person and live in the past as much as I do the future, it's the present I can't seem to grasp!

Original poster

Allhallowseve · 20/05/2021 21:17

Yes I can't seem to grasp the present either . There is nothing wrong with my job yet I have been so close to applying for another job today . It's like I need a new challenge or change in my life. Dh on the other hand will quite probably stay in the same job for the rest of his years as it suits him . My brain just seems to need to think about the next thing.

OP posts:

user8783 · 20/05/2021 21:27

Yep, I've just succeeded in getting the next level up in a different organisation, I've only been with my organisation 18 months, they're livid most of them have been there 10+ years so don't understand. I was ready for the challenge of the next level, didn't see any reason to delay if I wasn't ready I wouldn't get it, I got it...so....

Carbara · 21/05/2021 01:15

Christ no, I sometimes wonder about people I used to be friends with who are like this; constantly getting a new job/moving country/moving from city to city etc. All I ever wanted was calm, safety, security. I cannot understand how anyone yearns for upheaval and change, do yous not just want to sit down and enjoy your lives? (I’m childfree, so my days when I’m not at work are blissful)

Original poster

Allhallowseve · 21/05/2021 05:55

@Carbara I can only explain it as my brain needs to be busy with something . It's hard to explain.
The stability I do have is my relationship , we have been together since I was 21 no plans to change that anytime soon!

OP posts:

user8783 · 21/05/2021 07:33

@Carbara do you not get bored? Some people just enjoy a different pace of life, I enjoy a variety of experiences and just find I stagnate if I don't refresh something once in while.

user8783 · 21/05/2021 07:34

And upheaval and change doesn't mean lack of security and safety, they aren't mutually exclusive.

Selkie1961 · 21/05/2021 07:37

Not a big fan of tony robbins because there is no giant with me but i remember he spoke about balance of certainty/uncertainty.

If everything is too secure you feel stifled. But then if you leave your h/w to do OLD and resign to temp or go freelance, then you feel as insecure as anybody else would in those shoes.

It'sca difficult balance.

Can you go abseling once a month and see if that gives you the adrenaline rush you need?

Itstheprinciple · 21/05/2021 07:41

My MIL is like this. Everyone you go round, she's decorated something or moved something around or got new furniture. She's always got to have a holiday in the pipeline (obviously covid has not been great for that).

On the other hand, DH and I like consistency. Even when we decorate, we often do it the same colour! I've kept myself fresh up to a point by starting a degree at 30 and a teaching qualification at 38 but I like where I work and I have no plans to move anytime soon. I'd be happy if I never moved house again and I only have one child as I found the transition very hard. We only generally holiday every other year as I find the whole thing stressful. I think it drives MIL crazy!

notacooldad · 21/05/2021 07:44

I'm the opposite.
I've been with the same employer for 37 years, although I've done loads of different jobs and worked in different teams.
I've lived in the same house for 28 years and had the same partner for 31years.
I know that probably makes me sound as boring as hell but my life is interesting.....honest!!

BinocularVision · 21/05/2021 09:14

@Carbara

But those of us who like change are enjoying our lives -- it's just that our idea of what constitutes enjoyment is different to yours. What do you mean by 'sitting down and enjoying your life'?

I moved countries just over a year ago, and will stay here for some time to facilitate DS's education he's lived in three countries by the age of 9 but before I had him, all other things being equal, I liked to move countries every few years. Nothing makes me happier than a new language, a new landscape, a new social environment, a whole gamut of new opportunities.

I'm not an adrenaline junkie by any means, but the world's a big place, and you only have one life to experience it. I grew up with parents absolutely terrified of making the slightest step out of their (very small) comfort zone -- my father has lived his whole life in two houses less than half a mile apart, and worked for the same company from being a messenger boy at 13 to when he retired at 65, refusing to move branches or to be promoted to foreman. Everything new frightens them both. It's no way to live.

Carbara · 21/05/2021 11:51

Why so defensive? 😂

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.