Anyone else struggle to get their primary aged child to do homework?

[StrawberryLovingChild]

DD is 6, year 2 (7 in July).

Every night she has reading and spellings to do, and then on a Tuesday she’s given a maths worksheet to be handed in Thursday and Wednesday she gets an English/Phonics sheet to be given in Friday.

Any child who gets less than 50% on their spellings or missing one or both homeworks loses golden time on Friday – 15 minutes lost for each (they get 45 minutes). Spellings are individual to the child and tests done by table so the child only has to get 50% of the ones that were on their spelling list – e.g. DD’s spellings last week were They, Were, Where and How but the ones she actually had to spell where Friend, They, Where, What and When so she only had to get 1 out of 5 to get golden time.

In year 3 they get 3 pieces of homework a week, year 5 4 pieces and year 6 1 piece every night plus reading for 15 minutes and spellings.

It’s a lot of work.

I know at secondary she’ll get a lot more and have to balance it but we’re struggling. I’m told spellings and reading should take 10-15 minutes, the worksheet should be 5-10 minutes depending on ability, so in theory no more than 30 minutes per night.

But it just drags on, DD doesn’t want to do it, she’s tired and grumpy. I always force her to do spellings so she gets at least 15 minutes of golden time hopefully but she’s never managed the homework sheets yet. I give up after 20 minutes. We read in the morning as she’s more awake but she’s at breakfast club 3 times a week so don’t have time for spellings then too. Once she actually sits down and does the spellings she’s fine and can do most of it, but she doesn’t want to actually sit down and do them.

I seem to be the only parent struggling with the amount though. And I feel such a bad mum because many of the others in DDs class have older siblings so parents are doing everything twice etc.

DD has some additional needs so that might be affecting everything and making it seem worse, but the school has a high number of children with SN/AN compared to locally (local average is 4.6% of school population, this school has 8.2%). Diagnosis’s of a joint condition, but suspected dyslexic and dyspraxic, I think she could have ASD but school disagree.

We’ve only started getting homework other than reading this year. She didn’t have spellings at all in year 1, they were supposed to start at Easter for her but never did.

School is rated outstanding by ofsted in 2019 and it was complimented on homework and it’s reard system so it’s unlikely to change especially as many of the other parents like and agree with homework.

So any tips to help her get through this? I feel like the worst mum in the world being unable to take the nightly battles over homework

Hey
I know what you mean about it seeming a lot of work but wait until they get older they get even more!!

If you think your child has dyslexia or anything else it would be well worth speaking to the teacher and asking for a SENCO to check this out so they can support you

I've found with homework it's best to do some every night rather than bulk it all up into one and then it spreads it out a bit

We have a bird in the kitchen we write stuff on together, with stickers and there's rewards attached like treats for so many stickers something like this for rewards then I have a whiteboard with every day on it and the homework for that day

@omgthepain

Hey I know what you mean about it seeming a lot of work but wait until they get older they get even more!!

If you think your child has dyslexia or anything else it would be well worth speaking to the teacher and asking for a SENCO to check this out so they can support you

I've found with homework it's best to do some every night rather than bulk it all up into one and then it spreads it out a bit

We have a bird in the kitchen we write stuff on together, with stickers and there's rewards attached like treats for so many stickers something like this for rewards then I have a whiteboard with every day on it and the homework for that day

We have a reward chart but DDs literally not bothered by it, probably because she gets sweets, chocolate, treats etc EOW at her dads house so it's not really a punishment.

We do spellings every night as we're supposed to but have never managed the actual worksheets, if I can get her sat down to do the spellings she's fine it's just getting her to do them. She's usually rubbing her eyes and complaining of her brain being asleep by 5pm and then there's obviously eating and bathing etc before bed. I tried giving her food first but it made no difference.

That sounds a lot. Do the other children do it? I wish they didn't get any at juniors.

@tunainatin

That sounds a lot. Do the other children do it? I wish they didn't get any at juniors.

According to DD she's often the only one or one of two (same child each time) who misses golden time due to homework, how true that is I don't know.

The other parents in her class on the class whatsapp seem to do it as there's often questions about the maths in particular.

That's really difficult, especially as they have connected it to a reward. I do as little as possible with mine, they set a lot but most of it is 'optional'. Could you talk to the teacher about your dd struggling with motivation?

Our primary school doesn’t set any homework at all because all the research suggests it is of no benefit to that age group. Reading yes, but nothing else. Sometimes schools set homework because they think parents want it - maybe email the school about it so they know your view

We've totally given up with homework since they went back after the last lockdown. I'm too scarred from homeschooling to be honest and our school isn't setting anything particularly useful, just topic based stuff that I can't get excited about. DS, who is the one who could do with catching up, has a tutor at the weekend so I count that as homework. No one has said anything yet about us not doing it.

We read every day, but that is it. We'd do some targetted maths if that was set, but it isn't.

What does she like to do in the evening? My eldest is autistic and he likes to have some screen time so we have a routine of homework THEN screen time every day so it becomes the familiar routine.
If evening is a bad time then how about talking to school about dd doing the sheet during breakfast club?

@Hermanfromguesswho

What does she like to do in the evening? My eldest is autistic and he likes to have some screen time so we have a routine of homework THEN screen time every day so it becomes the familiar routine. If evening is a bad time then how about talking to school about dd doing the sheet during breakfast club?

She likes to watch TV, maybe do a jigsaw puzzle or colouring while the TVs on.

I've tried letting her do those things first but then she's even more reluctant to do her spellings/homework and it's a bigger battle right before bedtime so I battle her first then she can watch TV/play/relax.

I’m a primary teacher (my class are 5) but we don’t do any homework apart from a reading book each week and they have some word cards at home to keep practising. Sounds very harsh that they lose golden time for it 😩 Golden time is officially banned in my school because we weren’t allowed to be seen to be taking time off children as it was publicly shaming them. Not sure I agree with that entirely, it certainly works for younger children in terms of behaviour but not on how well they have done on a spelling test 🤷🏼‍♀️ Maybe the school need to gather parents views on homework. I can see that it’s worthwhile possibly in the last two years of primary school to prepare them for secondary where they will have to complete homework and be disciplined enough to study on their own but not when they’re still so young! There are much more worthwhile things you could be doing with them at home than doing worksheets. The biggest issue I have is that so many kids in my class are OBSESSED with technology and it sounds as if they just go straight home from school and are handed an iPad. We did an activity last week on your favourite hobbies, one child said Roblox and another said playing on my tablet. It just made me so sad ☹️ There is so much to learn and so many experiences to be had that isn’t ‘school stuff’ but parents using phones/play stations/iPads as babysitters is what makes my job so difficult now. Why would anyone be interested in what a teacher is saying at school when there’s not bright flashing lights in their face and exciting sounds? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Off topic sorry but feel like it ties in with homework!

That's so much I know we'd struggle. My son is year 5 and we just get one homework each week on Thursday to hand in following Tuesday and even getting that done is a battle so I sympathise but can't offer any help! We do do spellings every morning at breakfast as we've made that part of routine but it's just one spelling sheet per term he has to learn.

Gosh, there is a lot that school are doing here that I find problematic. Firstly, as a PP has said, research has shown that homework at primary level does not appear to lead to large increases in learning.

It sounds like it is a lot that is being asked of your DD, who is still very young. The tasks sound quite boring (learning spellings, worksheets) and unlikely to inspire a real enjoyment of learning.

Given that homework at such a young age requires at least some involvement of parents/ carers, the punishment of removing golden time is unfair and punishes children whose parents aren’t “on it” for whatever reason (work, other children, health reasons, anything really).

Sorry, I know this isn’t what you asked but I’m not sure the school’s approach is very helpful tbh!

Genuine reading for pleasure is surely the most effective thing to work on at this age, given the strong links between reading for pleasure, academic achievement and wellbeing.

@sarah13xx

I’m a primary teacher (my class are 5) but we don’t do any homework apart from a reading book each week and they have some word cards at home to keep practising. Sounds very harsh that they lose golden time for it 😩 Golden time is officially banned in my school because we weren’t allowed to be seen to be taking time off children as it was publicly shaming them. Not sure I agree with that entirely, it certainly works for younger children in terms of behaviour but not on how well they have done on a spelling test 🤷🏼‍♀️ Maybe the school need to gather parents views on homework. I can see that it’s worthwhile possibly in the last two years of primary school to prepare them for secondary where they will have to complete homework and be disciplined enough to study on their own but not when they’re still so young! There are much more worthwhile things you could be doing with them at home than doing worksheets. The biggest issue I have is that so many kids in my class are OBSESSED with technology and it sounds as if they just go straight home from school and are handed an iPad. We did an activity last week on your favourite hobbies, one child said Roblox and another said playing on my tablet. It just made me so sad ☹️ There is so much to learn and so many experiences to be had that isn’t ‘school stuff’ but parents using phones/play stations/iPads as babysitters is what makes my job so difficult now. Why would anyone be interested in what a teacher is saying at school when there’s not bright flashing lights in their face and exciting sounds? 🤷🏼‍♀️ Off topic sorry but feel like it ties in with homework!

It's so frustrating as it seems like the other parents actually like doing the homework and as ofsted picked up on it and said it was well done I doubt it'll change, I can try though.

Golden time here due to covid is just watching a film or playing on the ipads, no toys. Hoping they'll go back to having toys like they did until March 2020, as DD used to love playing with the dolls or the cars in golden time so she might be more motivated to actually do her homework.

Admittedly my TV is on all the time apart from when we're doing homework but it's just me and DD at home so it's company for her if I need to be in another room etc. She does play with her toys at the same time though. She gets an hour or so on the tablet or switch while I'm doing Sunday dinner but her dad lets her sit on it all weekend. She does swimming lessons though and loves though so I encourage that.

@PansyIvy

Gosh, there is a lot that school are doing here that I find problematic. Firstly, as a PP has said, research has shown that homework at primary level does not appear to lead to large increases in learning.

It sounds like it is a lot that is being asked of your DD, who is still very young. The tasks sound quite boring (learning spellings, worksheets) and unlikely to inspire a real enjoyment of learning.

Given that homework at such a young age requires at least some involvement of parents/ carers, the punishment of removing golden time is unfair and punishes children whose parents aren’t “on it” for whatever reason (work, other children, health reasons, anything really).

Sorry, I know this isn’t what you asked but I’m not sure the school’s approach is very helpful tbh!

Genuine reading for pleasure is surely the most effective thing to work on at this age, given the strong links between reading for pleasure, academic achievement and wellbeing.

Reading is a completely different battle but that's linked to her SN not her dislike of it/not wanting to do it.

We do read at bedtime everynight though and she seems to enjoy that.

I think it’s unfair too! Especially if they lose Golden time. Agree with Pansy’s points about it being unfair/discriminatory. It probably penalises the children who need golden time the most.

DD2 is in year 1 and has spellings and maths. We get them done but it’s a struggle and it means on the nights we are doing maths/spellings I don’t hear her read as there just isn’t time. She often says her brain is too tired too. I think there is a lot of academic pressure on them when they should be playing!

I’m sure lots of parents feel the same as you but no one wants to be the first to admit they are struggling.

@Gunpowder

I think it’s unfair too! Especially if they lose Golden time. Agree with Pansy’s points about it being unfair/discriminatory. It probably penalises the children who need golden time the most.

DD2 is in year 1 and has spellings and maths. We get them done but it’s a struggle and it means on the nights we are doing maths/spellings I don’t hear her read as there just isn’t time. She often says her brain is too tired too. I think there is a lot of academic pressure on them when they should be playing!

I’m sure lots of parents feel the same as you but no one wants to be the first to admit they are struggling.

We have to do reading in the morning, there's absolutely no way DD would do it after school even without homework and spellings.

Wow that’s more than my 14yr old has been getting recently and my year5 child just gets daily reading, then 2 things set Friday for Tuesday. Learning is so much more than just worksheets, my DD enjoys doing kids coding stuff, playing the piano, walking the dog with us plus other life stuff. I think taking away golden time is cruel and my DD is at a “ outstanding rated primary “ personally I would push back and do what I felt my child needed to do whilst still keeping a healthy balance.

We are struggling too. Ds is 5 but in year 1 as he is an end of summer birthday. Each week we get 5 reading books, 10 spellings and maths on a Friday night. It doesn’t sound like much but he still finds school pretty exhausting. We do 15 minutes of spelling immediately after school and then read a book per night - long books we sometimes read in two sessions so do reading on the weekends too. Fortunately he loves maths - that’s the one bit that isn’t painful. Suspect ds may have a touch of dyslexia and dyspraxia... I was diagnosed with both as a child.

Fortunately ds doesn’t lose golden time over spellings - that just seems ridiculous! That’s the bit I would complain to the school about. Ds got 1/10 one week when I was snowed under with work - that was my fault not his! I really don’t think you should be punishing a child for struggling with school work ever, let alone in primary school!

@SSwimCycle21

Wow that’s more than my 14yr old has been getting recently and my year5 child just gets daily reading, then 2 things set Friday for Tuesday. Learning is so much more than just worksheets, my DD enjoys doing kids coding stuff, playing the piano, walking the dog with us plus other life stuff. I think taking away golden time is cruel and my DD is at a “ outstanding rated primary “ personally I would push back and do what I felt my child needed to do whilst still keeping a healthy balance.

I feel like an absolute failure as DDs friends seem to all do it (apart from this 1 other child who DD says misses golden time due to no homework sometimes) and fit in after school activities or dog walks or visits to grandparents.

If she has SEN then she’s likely exhausted after school. She has spent 6 hours (more when at breakfast club) masking, processing, socialising all on top of the actual work. Tell the school she’s not doing the work sheets.

Have an honest conversation with the teacher and if they don’t listen escalate to the ks1 head. If your feeling stressed then the child picks that up, I also think they assume parents don’t work. On some nights we don’t get home till 5.30om as she’s been to the childminders after school, then it’s dinner and bath. I’m not going to sit down at 7pm to do school work except reading. Life is a balance don’t feel bad for not doing it all if it doesn’t make you happy. We do make time to do a bit on a Sunday but again only if time allows and in right frame of mind. For example bank holiday Monday was wet n wild outside and my teenager sat and did fours hours of reversion for a test so the younger one did an hours homework but the weekend before we did none as it just didn’t happen or we felt it wasn’t needed. Both are hitting all milestones and not stressed find your happy balance.

@LorelaiVictoriaGilmore

We are struggling too. Ds is 5 but in year 1 as he is an end of summer birthday. Each week we get 5 reading books, 10 spellings and maths on a Friday night. It doesn’t sound like much but he still finds school pretty exhausting. We do 15 minutes of spelling immediately after school and then read a book per night - long books we sometimes read in two sessions so do reading on the weekends too. Fortunately he loves maths - that’s the one bit that isn’t painful. Suspect ds may have a touch of dyslexia and dyspraxia... I was diagnosed with both as a child.

Fortunately ds doesn’t lose golden time over spellings - that just seems ridiculous! That’s the bit I would complain to the school about. Ds got 1/10 one week when I was snowed under with work - that was my fault not his! I really don’t think you should be punishing a child for struggling with school work ever, let alone in primary school!

DD is very definitely dyslexic, I'm not so sure on the dyspraxic. She muddles up her words a lot, confuses spellings even when they're dictated to her, she can't blend when reading, says her brain goes crazy when she has to concentrate too hard. The head taught the class for the day before Christmas and pointed these out in less than an hour with DD (she obviously knew her before then but in her own words "not on an academic level") She's very clumsy but it could be her joint condition that causes that, she tires quickly but again could be her joints.

She only has to get 50% of the spellings that where on her sheet right, so if the spellings she's given are Then, There, Where and Her but the ones she;s asked to spell are Then, There, What, Why and When she only has to get Then or There right. Some weeks she doesn't manage either because despite my best efforts she doesn't seem to pick up spellings easily.

@SSwimCycle21

Have an honest conversation with the teacher and if they don’t listen escalate to the ks1 head. If your feeling stressed then the child picks that up, I also think they assume parents don’t work. On some nights we don’t get home till 5.30om as she’s been to the childminders after school, then it’s dinner and bath. I’m not going to sit down at 7pm to do school work except reading. Life is a balance don’t feel bad for not doing it all if it doesn’t make you happy. We do make time to do a bit on a Sunday but again only if time allows and in right frame of mind. For example bank holiday Monday was wet n wild outside and my teenager sat and did fours hours of reversion for a test so the younger one did an hours homework but the weekend before we did none as it just didn’t happen or we felt it wasn’t needed. Both are hitting all milestones and not stressed find your happy balance.

I do work but I finish in time for her to be picked up at 3.15pm, hence the breakfast club, but I'm a single parent doing all the weekday stuff, her dad has her EOW for 1 night only Her dad refuses to do anything school related with her because he says he doesn't get enough time with her to do that, she only has reading to do over the weekend but he won't even read her a bedtime story (he keeps her awake until she falls asleep on the sofa then moves her to bed).

I just don't have enough pairs of hands to be cooking and cleaning plus doing her homework as she can never do it alone.

Try looking at different approaches like writing words in sand or painting them it’s a fun more crafty way to learn spellings. Sometimes a different way may work, we used scrabble letters.
You know your child best, teachers are often just trying to hit a target. Gd luck finding ways to support her enjoying learning as that’s the real goal and then she will fly but pushing worksheets on a tired overloaded child doesn’t work.

OP this sounds like such an unfair situation for you and your DD to be in. Have you raised your concerns about the homework with the school’s SENCo?