Anyone else struggle to get their primary aged child to do homework?

[StrawberryLovingChild]

DD is 6, year 2 (7 in July).

Every night she has reading and spellings to do, and then on a Tuesday she’s given a maths worksheet to be handed in Thursday and Wednesday she gets an English/Phonics sheet to be given in Friday.

Any child who gets less than 50% on their spellings or missing one or both homeworks loses golden time on Friday – 15 minutes lost for each (they get 45 minutes). Spellings are individual to the child and tests done by table so the child only has to get 50% of the ones that were on their spelling list – e.g. DD’s spellings last week were They, Were, Where and How but the ones she actually had to spell where Friend, They, Where, What and When so she only had to get 1 out of 5 to get golden time.

In year 3 they get 3 pieces of homework a week, year 5 4 pieces and year 6 1 piece every night plus reading for 15 minutes and spellings.

It’s a lot of work.

I know at secondary she’ll get a lot more and have to balance it but we’re struggling. I’m told spellings and reading should take 10-15 minutes, the worksheet should be 5-10 minutes depending on ability, so in theory no more than 30 minutes per night.

But it just drags on, DD doesn’t want to do it, she’s tired and grumpy. I always force her to do spellings so she gets at least 15 minutes of golden time hopefully but she’s never managed the homework sheets yet. I give up after 20 minutes. We read in the morning as she’s more awake but she’s at breakfast club 3 times a week so don’t have time for spellings then too. Once she actually sits down and does the spellings she’s fine and can do most of it, but she doesn’t want to actually sit down and do them.

I seem to be the only parent struggling with the amount though. And I feel such a bad mum because many of the others in DDs class have older siblings so parents are doing everything twice etc.

DD has some additional needs so that might be affecting everything and making it seem worse, but the school has a high number of children with SN/AN compared to locally (local average is 4.6% of school population, this school has 8.2%). Diagnosis’s of a joint condition, but suspected dyslexic and dyspraxic, I think she could have ASD but school disagree.

We’ve only started getting homework other than reading this year. She didn’t have spellings at all in year 1, they were supposed to start at Easter for her but never did.

School is rated outstanding by ofsted in 2019 and it was complimented on homework and it’s reard system so it’s unlikely to change especially as many of the other parents like and agree with homework.

So any tips to help her get through this? I feel like the worst mum in the world being unable to take the nightly battles over homework

I don't know if this is helpful but just in terms of timing: mine is 8 in year 3 and does around 20-30 mins a day. We have a comfortable routine whereby he gets home from school and has a snack and an hour of TV, then goes for a bath and change into PJs before dinner. Depending on timing he either does homework before dinner, straight after dinner or a bit of both but it's strict no tv or playing or anything after dinner until homework is done. He is also rewarded by a small treat every day once homework is done. Usually a single biscuit/FH size choc bar type thing. If we have cake then he has his after homework etc. Once it's done he is allowed his iPad until 7pm which motivates him to get it done and not dawdle - if he has done the homework but it's 7 or after he still gets the treat but no iPad so he knows it's not worth wasting time moaning.

@DownRightAmazing

I don't know if this is helpful but just in terms of timing: mine is 8 in year 3 and does around 20-30 mins a day. We have a comfortable routine whereby he gets home from school and has a snack and an hour of TV, then goes for a bath and change into PJs before dinner. Depending on timing he either does homework before dinner, straight after dinner or a bit of both but it's strict no tv or playing or anything after dinner until homework is done. He is also rewarded by a small treat every day once homework is done. Usually a single biscuit/FH size choc bar type thing. If we have cake then he has his after homework etc. Once it's done he is allowed his iPad until 7pm which motivates him to get it done and not dawdle - if he has done the homework but it's 7 or after he still gets the treat but no iPad so he knows it's not worth wasting time moaning.

Timings for us:

3.30-3.35pm depending on walking speed home from school
Get in, take shoes off
Homework/spellings
Eat
Play and watch TV
Bath, teeth, book, bed by 7pm

I tried to do homework/spellings after eating and it was an even bigger battle as by then she said her "brain has switch off", I tried for a week or so and she just couldn't do it after eating, she'd already transistioned to home mode.

Just don't do it, or only do it if she wants to do it. There is no guidance or rules that say primary children must do homework. I have this argument with school every year when my daughter (9) changes teachers. It gets escalated to the head of primary who is sick of having the same conversation with me, so then informs her teacher that no homework will be completed and no punishment should be given.

You need to have a conversation with them, they will work with you I'm sure. My daughter will do it if it's something fun, or that she's interested in. So building a volcano was a yes (I was thrilled ), naming and describing Henry's wives went in the bin. We have a conversation about what she's done at school, and then I'll say "oh let's have a look at your homework then" and then she decides if she's doing it or not. Recently they've been doing the time and shes thrived on it as it was an achievement for her. Homework was done straight away. It's all hit and Miss but when she does it, she gets lots of praise.

To me, it's all about moderation. Too much pressure is placed on them, so I'm not putting even more on her at home. And academically, she's where she should be. Not a genius, but perfectly on track for her age.

Set a timer after uniform changed and snack eaten. 3 mins spelling and 10 reading every day. Speak to your daughter say you don’t like homework either but it pleases the teacher and it means you get to to read more exciting books. Spelling so you get at least 5 out of 10. As it’s not fun getting less. Ask her how she wants to do it and suggest the timers. As soon as they ping stop work and walk away. Once she knows she only had to focus for short times and believes you won’t harp on about it you might get better results. This currently works for us. We have in past done spelling before school and reading before bed.

We used to take it in turns to make up silly sentences and story’s at bedtime using the spellings that week. Bonus hug for as many words as we could get in one sentence, we pinned up the words near her bed. This worked for one child but not the other. Try different things see what works for you but take the pressure off and please do push back if it’s causing stress. Like the other poster said sometimes you have to involve the head of year because otherwise the teacher gets moaned at for not hitting their target... so they may support you raising it.

I'm here with the same issues. I work 3 days, usually mon, tues and thurs, but they do change as we work shifts. They go to breakfast club at 8.20, and are not home until 5.30 most nights. Sometimes we get lucky and are home for 5.
I then have to somehow fit in making and eating dinner, reading with 2 children, spellings with 2 children and then homework for 2 children given once a week. On Thursdays they need a shower as it is school swimming day (we only have time.to fit showers in twice a week!!). They go to bed at 7, with me reading a story til 7.30. They are 8 and 5.

I haven't even gone back to any extra curricular stuff as I've just no idea how to fit it all in!

Last night I had to take the children out for dinner as we had the carpets cleaned due to a naughty cat 🙄. The floors were all wet, and the kitchen was full from all the belongings from the carpeted rooms. We had to sit at a table having dinner with both children doing their reading books, as I couldn't figure out how else to fit it in!

Tonight I got lucky with my boyfriend coming over before I finished work. He put the children's dinner on so that it was ready when we got back at 5.30. It was 6 by the time they finished, and they both needed a shower as it was swimming today. I had one in the shower, whilst doing reading and spellings with the other. Then dashed to wash his hair, and then get him sorted and hair dried, before chucking the other one in. Then I had to do the reading and spellings with the other one, who also presented me homework I'd had no idea about that was apparently due yesterday. So I then had to watch him do that. He has SEN, and his teachers tell me he can do all this independently. Can he fuck! He can not do it supervised let alone independently!! I wrote on the top of his homework tonight (he got every question wrong, even though he can do maths to greater depth, he can't read with enough accuracy to understand the questions) that he wasn't able to focus on the question, and therefore his homework is incorrect. I will not be asking him to correct it as you have said he can do this independently.

I'm really at the end of my tether!

And yes, sometimes we try and squeeze it in the morning, but it is tough as I do not have time for their tantrums over doing it. My priority has to be getting us out the house, on time, we'll presented and with everything we need.
My SEN child in particular struggles because we are trying to fit this stuff in and this isn't his routine.

I'm another who would say 'don't do it'. I'm from the generation who started doing homework in secondary school. Primary children should be exploring the world they are living in. Out in the garden or street looking at ants, picking and smelling leaves, looking at insects under stones, learning that nettles sting. So many people seem to think that out of school learning is only valid if it is online.

@ThisMustBeMyDream

And yes, sometimes we try and squeeze it in the morning, but it is tough as I do not have time for their tantrums over doing it. My priority has to be getting us out the house, on time, we'll presented and with everything we need. My SEN child in particular struggles because we are trying to fit this stuff in and this isn't his routine.

We do thankfully manage reading in the morning only 5 minutes mind you but I refuse to do any more than that as she struggles so much.

That sounds like a lot. Our ‘outstanding’ infant academy has reading every night and one piece of maths OR phonics a week and you had the whole week to do it.

@sarah13xx please don’t make assumptions about technology. My DS2 (5) would say playing on the computer as his favourite thing to do but is rationed to 30 minutes a day and no TV at all during the week. But he plays with DH and it’s their thing to do together. It’s not universally evil!

Crazy that ofsted were impressed by it 😳 Luckily for golden time (which is now called choosing time in my class 😂) we can play with toys because we have different rules for the infants to the rest of the school. You can only do your best with it

My children are such opposites. My younger yr1 child is a fabulous reader. He also likes to narrate each picture and talk endlessly whilst doing it. He gets two books each week, and wants to read both one after the other. That is 64 bloody pages!!! I can't let him as no time! He has to settle for 32 pages! If he shut up and read he might be able.to fit it in! It takes about 15 mins to read his book with his ramblings!
My other child in yr 3 can only manage 8 pages at a time, so he has one book which takes us all week to read. He loves reading, but my word it is hard for him to focus (adhd!). His 8 pages takes about 10 mins, but that is 10 mins of me getting his focus back each sentence!

t sounds a lot. Do the other children do it? I wish they didn't get any at juniors.
This isn’t even juniors! Yr 2 is Key Stage 1: infants.
Get the teacher to differentiate her homework to something more appropriate while you seek a diagnosis.
My dyslexic dd was a nightmare with homework, it hurt her brain. Learning to read was an enormous effort, but she was very motivated. Unfortunately she set her younger sister up for bad habits too, but those resolved at secondary.
Nah, total nightmare. Don’t force her to do it.
Have you looked at Nessy.com?

@DelurkingAJ that’s great you use it in moderation, unfortunately many don’t. When you see the effects of it day in day out for years and years it’s hard not to make connections between certain behaviours and technology sadly

That seems like so much work. My year 2 son is so tired after school that he only manages to read about 20 mins a night, nothing else. He does TimesTableRockStars at the weekend and maybe up to an hour of English/project work.

@sarah13xx very fair and I can absolutely accept there’s a correlation there (DH would say the same of the teenagers he teaches and 18 rated games...).

OP, my anecdotal experience is that SENCO provision ramps up about Y3 when the school accept that behaviour is no longer due to immaturity. Certainly dyslexia screening appears to have happened for the weaker readers in DS1’s class (Y3) this year. I don’t know if that’s in line with best practice?

@onecandream shit. You just reminded me my yr1 is supposed to do numbots 3 x 10 mins a week. Fuck. I forgot. I will now have to get him to do 30 mins tomorrow morning. Luckily I am not at work, so the morning is less hectic. But ARGHHHHHHHHH.
Roll on half term.

Wow thats so much work. I think I would inform the scho youve decided its not in your childs best interests to have a homework battle at home afyer a day at school.

My year 7 at a selective school gets less than that currently. And noway would I have a yr3 doing 30min a night as a pp had!

It becomes work for the sake of it and as another poster says leads to missing out all the other learning through play lpportunities. Also you dont want to equate learning with a slog to be go through!

@sarah13xx my DS (8) would probably say it is his favourite thing too.

Until lockdown we were technology free. School/govt pushed and pushed that we needed online access. So my dad bought us a laptop (I couldn't afford one!) as we needed to be able to print etc. I then had to get a tablet in October as we ended up in and endless cycle of isolations and one piece of technology wasn't enough any more for two children.

Since then my son has idolised the damn thing. He only gets around 1 hour a week. I let them have 30 mins x 2 at the weekend. But he asks for it every day. I wish we didn't have the blasted thing. But our hands were forced. We were technology free for very good reason. I feel like we are on a slippery slope with it now as he gets more fixated on it, his adhd and autism mean he struggles to cope when it doesn't work (he screams and throws it) and he has so many meltdows as he can't accept that technology doesn't "do things on purpose". I really resent covid for forcing technology on my children when I really don't think it is appropriate for at least one of them.

It sounds to me as though your child is struggling, and the school is setting her up to fail, the poor love.

Ditch the worksheets

@ThisMustBeMyDream oh no ☹️ I bet this has happened to so many people during the pandemic though, its so tough. I tried not to have too many of my lessons online so that kids of that age didn’t have to be attached to the laptop all day long but we were being encouraged to make it all online and not any worksheets etc. So many parents will have been trying to work from home themselves too and probably had to leave children on their laptops a lot longer than they’d usually get.

Hope you manage to get a balance!

That's very tough op.
My child has two reading books (one is 15 pages the other 11) per night. 7 different pieces of homwork (nearky 7 years old) not in UK

@DelurkingAJ oh definitely! I have children in my class mentioning games they play and films they’ve watched that are 18+ 😬 constantly saying ‘we aren’t talking about that’ every time they start 🙈

[quote DelurkingAJ]@sarah13xx very fair and I can absolutely accept there’s a correlation there (DH would say the same of the teenagers he teaches and 18 rated games...).

OP, my anecdotal experience is that SENCO provision ramps up about Y3 when the school accept that behaviour is no longer due to immaturity. Certainly dyslexia screening appears to have happened for the weaker readers in DS1’s class (Y3) this year. I don’t know if that’s in line with best practice?[/quote]
Thats my experience too, they've said she can be screened for dyslexia once she's in year 3, although I'm not hopeful and preparing to pay for it privately (which I can't really afford).

Total disaster thus morning. My intentions of getting numbots crammed in disappeared when I woke up at 8.30!!!!!! How I got those little darlings through the door at 8.55 I'll never know! The two of them thought it was hilarious to leave me in bed when they know the times for getting ready etc. Especially as Alexa dishes out reminders!!
I was having a dreadful dream that I messed up my kids birthday party by getting the wrong day on the invites. I think it was trying to tell me I'm juggling too many balls and no one is getting down time!
I also had to iron a jumper dry as the tumble dryer was a total wanker and let me down too. One kid sent in slightly damp jumper. Hope that doesn't end up on cpoms .
Thank feck it is Friday.