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Original poster

How much is a reasonable sum to give daughter

32 replies

Bertha1924 · 17/05/2021 23:53

I stay with my daughter, my son-in-law and my two grandsons aged 9 and almost 5. I am welcomed by both my daughter and my son-in-law as it gives them time to go out together or do what they want (and also a lie-in on Saturday and Sundays. I get to enjoy time with my grandsons and I enjoy playing with them (second childhood). I was wondering how much is reasonable to give my daughter and son-in-law towards my meals I buy a takeaway once a month for us all but I don’t feel that’s enough. They haven’t asked for anything but I want to be fair. Thanks all for a suggestion.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bertha1924 · 17/05/2021 23:55

Sorry I should have said I stay with them every other weekend from Friday evening to Sunday evening.

OP posts:
Ellmau · 17/05/2021 23:56

You're providing free childcare...

Divineswirls · 17/05/2021 23:58

I mean it depends on your income really and theirs.

If you know they could do with the money then £200 but if that's too much then £50.

You can suggest its money for them to spend on the DC if you feel they won't want to accept it.
And if you're loaded then the sky's the limit.

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Original poster
Bertha1924 · 17/05/2021 23:58

Sorry I should have said every other weekend from Friday night to Sunday night

OP posts:
MrsDoctorDear · 17/05/2021 23:58

I wouldn't charge you anything if you were my mum. You'd be doing me massive favour being on hand to help with childcare.
Who suggested the arrangement? That would make the difference to me.

Divineswirls · 17/05/2021 23:59

Oh if it's just every other weekend then try £10 pocket money for the DC maybe instead.

Barneybear11 · 18/05/2021 00:00

I don’t think you need to give them anything. It all sounds pretty balanced.

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/05/2021 00:02

Are you staying for childcare reasons? If you've been invited I wouldn't feel the need to pay anything.
I'm assuming the idea didn't come from you?

Original poster
Bertha1924 · 18/05/2021 00:03

I live alone and work full time from home and earn a reasonable salary. It’s just worked out every other weekend for the last seven years. I also donate 15 days of my holiday to help out with school holidays.

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 18/05/2021 00:03

I wouldn't expect anything but if you want to be kind and your dd would appreciate the money, £20 a weekend.

BikeRunSki · 18/05/2021 00:03

For 4 or 5 nights a month, I’d say a takeaway and childcare is pretty fair.

Sally872 · 18/05/2021 00:04

Sounds like a lovely arrangement everyone enjoys. I thing a long lie and some babysitting more than compensates for the food. Nice to offer but I am not surprised they dont take you up on it. Perhals bring a box of biscuits or some sort of treat if it helps.

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/05/2021 00:05

@Bertha1924

I live alone and work full time from home and earn a reasonable salary. It’s just worked out every other weekend for the last seven years. I also donate 15 days of my holiday to help out with school holidays.
You owe them nothing!!
KingdomScrolls · 18/05/2021 00:05

They should be treating you! You provide free childcare every other weekend and give up half your annual leave to cover their childcare. If you fancy a takeaway one weekend it's a lovely thing to treat them but you're already being very generous with your time

Original poster
Bertha1924 · 18/05/2021 00:06

I’m also guilty of spoiling the boys ... not only with love but with far too many things think PlayStation etc - I am far from being rich but I enjoy treating the boys as couldn’t do it when my kids were young

OP posts:
PerveenMistry · 18/05/2021 00:08

My god, they should be paying YOU!

Changechangychange · 18/05/2021 00:08

I would love it if my DM could do this (we have no spare room for her, and her back is bad so she can’t sleep on an air bed/sofa).

I wouldn’t accept any money from her, under any circumstances. I’d be quite annoyed if she offered it.

IhaveMyMoments · 18/05/2021 00:09

Nothing!

Leeds2 · 18/05/2021 00:17

I don't think you owe them anything. You are doing more than enough.

I would though check with the parents before you buy the DC something like a PlayStation. They may not want them to have it, or might want to buy it themselves.

GreyhoundG1rl · 18/05/2021 00:21

Has it been suggested that you further earn your keep by covering your meals, op? I can't believe you're concerned about this.

Original poster
Bertha1924 · 18/05/2021 00:35

Thanks all. I love giving the time - it does us all good. I think I’ll stick to a takeaway once a month and buy a nice cheesecake or make a lasagna now and then

OP posts:
Ilady · 18/05/2021 00:47

You don't owe them anything. Your giving up every 2nd weekend and are up early with their kids on a Sat and Sunday morning. You mind their kids so they can out if they want once the covid rules lift.
Then your giving up 15 days holidays a year and saving them a fortune along with the hassle of how to manage child care during the summer holidays.
One of my friends has 4 children and her mother lives about 10 miles away from her. If she asks her mother to mind the children for a few hours her mother will complain always. If she minds them my friend gets what time will you be back at? My friend can't always give her a time but try s to get back asap. Her mother will ring her to see where she is after a few hours also. Recently she knew my friend was busy with a particular thing that had to be done quickly. Her mother never offered to help her out by minding the children for a few hours.
At this stage my friend has had enough of the lack of help.

I hope your family know how lucky they are to have your help.

Divineswirls · 18/05/2021 01:01

Just stick to how things are already.

If it ain't broke etc.

Sounds like a lovely arrangement you have which will soon change once the DC get older so enjoy it for now.

Cameleongirl · 18/05/2021 01:14

Goodness, I’d have been so grateful to receive that amount of free childcare when mine were younger, especially the 15 days annual leave! None of our parents have ever helped out with childcare during the holidays. We usually pay for everything when either set of grandparents stay and have also paid their travel costs on occasion. It’s lovely if you want to buy a takeaway sometimes, buy you really don’t need to. You sound like a lovely grandma.

OopsUp · 18/05/2021 03:11

Will you be my mum?