DD and first period

[BlatantlyNameChanged]

I promise I'm not the period troll. I'm not here for period stories or sharing of period experiences. I'm not hairy handed and fishing for details. I just want some advice about DD.

DD is 9, almost 10, and has just started her first period. She's been going through some physical and emotional changes for a good few months now, at her last appointment for an unrelated matter the GP mentioned as an aside that she appears to have started puberty, so it's not a total shock but it's still blindsided me a bit. She's nine. At nine I was still playing with Barbies and didn't even know what a period was.

We've always been open about where babies come from, human bodies, and so on. After that GP appointment we got a book about puberty and read it together, I told her she can come to me with any questions, she doesn't need to be embarrassed or ashamed, it comes to us all, it's part of growing up and growing up is rubbish sometimes but it all pays off in the end, all that stuff. I've repeated it all to her today and reminded her again that she can talk to me about anything at any time, I will never be too busy to take her somewhere private for a chat if she needs a chat. I've also suggested reading the book again either together or by herself.

She doesn't want to. She doesn't to talk about it, she doesn't want to acknowledge it, she told me it actually started yesterday and she's been hiding it, she doesn't want it, she's not doing it, she isn't ready, she wants to be a kid, she can't do this every month. I'm trying to keep positive but she's genuinely gutted about it.

Her school are shit (she's moving schools but not for another few months) and I have no doubt they will massively balls up on giving her somewhere to change and allowing her to bring products in. There are no sanitary bins in the children's toilets and backpacks are currently banned because of covid. She doesn't want anyone to find out about this either as she says she's the only one in her class.

So advice bit.

Is nine too young? Should I see the GP and ask if there is anything they can do to delay it by another year or two? Would period pants be better than sanitary products and do they actually work? Where can I get them from? Is there anything I can do or say to help her through this other than my current cheerleader routine?

@ExhaustedFlamingo

My DD started her periods yesterday - she's 11 but autistic and very young for her age. She won't change pads by herself, so I have to go in with her and help. Been a tricky couple of days but we're getting there. We home educate now so no worries about school etc.

I was just wondering - has anyone else's DD gone off food during their period? She feels very sick first thing (I assume low blood sugar) - she's managed lunch and dinner today but only very small portions and no snacks at all (which is unheard of).

I haven't had periods since I was in my mid 20s so I've forgotten pretty much what they were like....

I used to feel like this early on after starting. First morning after I started I felt awful but it got better during the day.

I'd imagine it's hormone levels but I'm not an expert

Haven't managed to read the whole thread - sorry but just popped on to say - word of warning about black period knickers - they show right through school summer dresses. Not sure what your dd's uniform is but something to bear in mind. Pale grey cycling shorts over the pants help, but we bought the flesh coloured ones for school days. Had no issues with leaks so far - Dd is 11 and started a few months ago.

She's also been coming on every 3.5 weeks so far, so not the longer gaps I'd hoped for.

@userxx @Y0YO @luxurychocolate - thank you all. I thought it was probably normal and linked to hormones but was just worrying a bit about her. In my head I was thinking about when I was pregnant and just sick the whole time - same kind of hormones as periods isn't it? So makes sense.

I'm really grateful for this thread. I'd heard of period pants before but going to look properly. DD is doing amazingly well but won't consider changing a pad by herself. I'm just worried if I'm not around for some reason. Period pants might be the answer.

I looked at my DD yesterday when she was having cramps, nausea etc and just thought, well, you're stuck with this shite for the next 40 years now. I know she's 11 but she's like a little girl in so many ways, it still feels so soon!

to all of you with young DD who have started their periods.

Primark have just launched a range of period pants- seem to be getting good reviews.

My DD was 10.5 when she started around New Year. I have posted here about it that night. I was absolutely shocked and gutted for her. She was scared and very upset that she will have them until she is 50. Few months past, and she has accepted her periods. Luckily, her periods are light and Modi Bodi pants have been godsend so far at school.

My DD is 11 and started early this year, it’s really heavy so I brought her period pants.. they are amazing . Cost £18 so damn pricey but there’s no smell, no changing towels, no leaks etc etc

My 10 year old daughter wears ModiModi teen period pants, size 10 to 12 years and gets on well with them so far.

www.modibodi.co.uk/collections/underpants-red/products/hipster-bikini-black-maxi-24hrs-absorbency

Sorry, made a mistake. It's the moderate to heavy ones my daughter has, not the 24 maxi.

www.modibodi.co.uk/collections/underpants-red/products/hipster-bikini-black-moderate-heavy?variant=31688447819830

My DD started age12 but she has severe learning disabilities. Period pants have been great for her, we call them “magic knicks” for her to distinguish between her usual knicks. She has autism also and would not accept she did not need normal knicks too so wears both.
They were quite heavy at the beginning and those period pants were excellent. She wears one during the day then change when she’s home from school.
Ours are from Cheeky Wipes website and they do a size4-6 which DD wears but she is v slim. You don’t need a pad with them ime.

She’s still the same person. She’s still a child. We don’t live in a society that now labels her a woman because she’s started menstruating ffs!
Hopefully she will still play with Barbies and nothing else will change. I think that will depend on you tho Op...

[quote Y0YO]@ExhaustedFlamingo
I used to throw up on my period when I was younger.

I get nauseous sometimes even now. It's been worse since starting perimenopause so maybe it's a hormone level thing, I don't know?[/quote]

Oh yes, gotta love peri, it's taken me right back to my 11 year old self. Think they will be ending like they started 😞

@Joeblack066

She’s still the same person. She’s still a child. We don’t live in a society that now labels her a woman because she’s started menstruating ffs! Hopefully she will still play with Barbies and nothing else will change. I think that will depend on you tho Op...

Very good point. I had to remind myself of that concept.

There's been some really good advice on this thread. My DD is 9, and I think she will start very soon. I'll certainly look into period pants. Wish they'd been an option when I was a preteen! Hope your DD is feeling happier tomorrow op

I work in a school and we would definitely accommodate whatever was required to help a child in this circumstance. I’m in England and I admit we currently only have sanitary bins in year 6 toilets but have never thought it necessary to have any younger, although year 5 used to have access to disabled toilet if needed which does, but with covid restrictions and bubbles, this has now become a staff toilet. However without been made aware it would be hard for us to know there was a need. We do have children who bring bags in for this and other reasons (toileting issues) so I’m sure her school would allow this or give her somewhere to leave a little makeup/wash bag to access discreetly when needed. I know we have a stock of sanitary wear for pupils should the need arise.

Just updating for anyone going through the same situation.

I spoke to the GP today who isn't concerned about the periods issue as 9-10 is now considering normal compared to 20-30 years ago and that 13-14 (the average when I was young) is now considered to be on the late side of things.

Her height is a separate issue, she's only 120cm tall which is on the short side so he's referring us to paediatrics for then to have a check of her.

School have surprised me by handing it better than I thought they would. They've put a sanitary bin in her class toilet and she can take her bag in, the toilet is in the cloakroom right next to wear her bag will be so she can easily get to it on her way to/from the toilet, her teacher has bene made aware too so can she can support her as needed.

Thank you again for the advice and support.

@BlatantlyNameChanged Great to hear that the school have put things in place for her 😊

Bless her heart. Luckily she has a great mum looking out for her, and while its a shock now it will all seem very normal and mundane in no time.

Definitely second those recommending period pants. I use modibodi but I think Primary have a rival product so keep an eye out. She could take a plastic hygiene bag and spare pair to school for ease of mind.

Its totally normal for her to not want to talk about it. Try using a journal that you can write to each other in? Don't mention the period at all for a while and just leave her a little note during the day, letting her know she can write any time etc.

You're doing great. I promise it will get easier now.

Honestly, just get her some period pants from modibodi. They are amazing and deliver within a few days of ordering. My daughter started a few months ago and doesn't know how uncomfortable pads are! She just uses one pair of pants in the day and one at night. She also has a modibodi swimsuit and has swum on her period. I wish they had been around when I was a teen.

I've ordered the seven pair pack for her to try, you get three shorts and four briefs. I was hoping they'd arrive today but its looking like tomorrow now.

Do the modibod ones definitely not need pads with them as they are expensive so don’t want to buy them if you still do?

@Happycat1212 no not at all. You just wear the pants

Some younger girls have light flow so hopefully a pair of period pants put on clean in the morning before school, will last comfortably until home from school. If her flow is heavier, she could try starting the day with period pants (the briefs) with a disposable pad in. Then at lunchtime (or whenever) she can just take out the pad and the pants will still be clean / fresh and will do her the rest of the day. So she wouldn't have to carry anything to the toilets and wouldn't have to actually "change"- just find a toilet with a sanitary bin in.

Presumably you've shown her how to use standard disposable pads while waiting for the period pants to be delivered. That is a good skill to have, as that is probably what she would use if her period starts unexpectedly somewhere and she doesn't have supplies.

Also I would keep a pencil case or little pouch permanently in her schoolbag, with a pair of (normal) pants, a few pads and a little plastic bag (for bloodied pants). While she might have a long gap before her next period, they might just as likely come stupidly close together and catch her by surprise.
I'm so glad they keep their bags near the toilets, and that school has put a bin in!
A zip pocket in school skirt/trousers, big enough to fit a pad in, can be a godsend. Though might not be necessary if she uses period pants.

Once she has worked out which style of period pants suit her best, you'll need to get more as obviously she'll need to use something at night.

Sending sympathy- I KNOW it is just an ordinary part of life, and everyone (well, every female) has to get on with it, but it does feel unfair!

@Happycat1212

Do the modibod ones definitely not need pads with them as they are expensive so don’t want to buy them if you still do?

They don’t need pads with them, I bought them for my dd last month and she managed a day at school whilst pretty heavy without changing (she has ASD so struggles with changing). We bought the bundle of 7 pairs which are quite expensive but worth it. Just make sure you soak them before washing and wash on a low temp, also don’t accidentally tumble dry them 😬.

I know everyone is recommending Modi bodi but Cheeky Wipes also do period pants that have the absorbent layer that goes all the way from the front waistband all the way up to the back waistband and at half the price.

They do a teen version www.cheekywipes.com/mid-rise-period-pants/feeling-free-mid-rise-boybrief-period-pants-with-4-layer-absorbency.html and the adult version also goes all the way from waistband to waistband which when I was buying them is quite rare in period pants.

I volunteer in a primary school, can I recommend she has a spare change of clothes for her bottom half so skirt and tights or trousers and keeps them stashed in her school bag as well as knickers/period knickers. We have had girls leak and then understandably not wanting to change into their PE kit because they don't have any other uniform with them.

We also sneak them a biscuit if they come out of class if they are feeling shit on their period

Haven't RTFT but can sympathise with your DD, OP. I was about her age when I started mine, many moons ago now. Wish we'd had period pants then. I can still remember the embarrassment of asking the teacher if I could go to the toilet during class (frowned upon but better than sorting myself out during break when there were other girls around). should definitely help.