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Original poster

DD and first period

81 replies

BlatantlyNameChanged · 15/05/2021 20:24

I promise I'm not the period troll. I'm not here for period stories or sharing of period experiences. I'm not hairy handed and fishing for details. I just want some advice about DD.

DD is 9, almost 10, and has just started her first period. She's been going through some physical and emotional changes for a good few months now, at her last appointment for an unrelated matter the GP mentioned as an aside that she appears to have started puberty, so it's not a total shock but it's still blindsided me a bit. She's nine. At nine I was still playing with Barbies and didn't even know what a period was.

We've always been open about where babies come from, human bodies, and so on. After that GP appointment we got a book about puberty and read it together, I told her she can come to me with any questions, she doesn't need to be embarrassed or ashamed, it comes to us all, it's part of growing up and growing up is rubbish sometimes but it all pays off in the end, all that stuff. I've repeated it all to her today and reminded her again that she can talk to me about anything at any time, I will never be too busy to take her somewhere private for a chat if she needs a chat. I've also suggested reading the book again either together or by herself.

She doesn't want to. She doesn't to talk about it, she doesn't want to acknowledge it, she told me it actually started yesterday and she's been hiding it, she doesn't want it, she's not doing it, she isn't ready, she wants to be a kid, she can't do this every month. I'm trying to keep positive but she's genuinely gutted about it.

Her school are shit (she's moving schools but not for another few months) and I have no doubt they will massively balls up on giving her somewhere to change and allowing her to bring products in. There are no sanitary bins in the children's toilets and backpacks are currently banned because of covid. She doesn't want anyone to find out about this either as she says she's the only one in her class.

So advice bit.

Is nine too young? Should I see the GP and ask if there is anything they can do to delay it by another year or two? Would period pants be better than sanitary products and do they actually work? Where can I get them from? Is there anything I can do or say to help her through this other than my current cheerleader routine?

OP posts:
IceSwallowCome · 15/05/2021 20:59

". I did try telling her that she might not get another for months now as it takes a while for them to get regular, she did not find it a comfort."

I started at 10 and could time my watch by them from day one so it's not a guarantee...

Sadloveheart · 15/05/2021 20:59

It’s normal. And she’ll do just fine OP. Not to worry. Sounds like you’ve done all the right things Flowers

Fcuk38 · 15/05/2021 21:01

When you had the period talk before she started you shouldn’t have said there no
Need to be embarrassed or ashamed?! Have you put thoughts into her head? My daughters 9 and came out of school and announced her period to me as “mum the red has arrived.” Proud as punch she was and no embarrassment.

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Original poster
BlatantlyNameChanged · 15/05/2021 21:01

I found midibodi, I didn't see the tabs at the top of the menu. Too busy flapping about in WTF mode!

I've ordered her a seven day bundle of four pairs of knickers, three pairs of boy shorts, and a waterproof bag. Have also gone on JustEat and ordered her and me a huge slice of cake from the dessert delivery place. Poor little nugget needs it I think.

OP posts:
IgiveupallthenamesIwantedareg0 · 15/05/2021 21:02

It's a natural bodily function, like peeing or sh*tting - you are not going to be able to delay it because you think your daughter is too young!
Educate your daughter to feel comfortable in her own body and to accept this happens to all of the females on this earth!

Original poster
BlatantlyNameChanged · 15/05/2021 21:04

When you had the period talk before she started you shouldn’t have said there no Need to be embarrassed or ashamed?! Have you put thoughts into her head?

Not at all. She said yuck and it's embarrassing or words to that effect, she's queen of the shrill "eeeewwwwww!". I responded that it's not embarrassing or shameful.

OP posts:
WithLargeTableMouse · 15/05/2021 21:12

Wuka period pants are good, available in tiny sizes and they let you return them free of charge if if they’ve been tried on and washed! wuka.co.uk/
My poor dd started her period not long after she turned 10, she’s had 3 periods so far with around 5 weeks in between but not had anything for about 8 weeks now so don’t count on your dd being regular yet and she might hopefully get a bit of a longer break in between sometimes.

alrightfella · 15/05/2021 21:12

The period pants are fab. Unless she has heavy periods she should be fine to just use one pair for school, but worth putting a spare pair in her bag in case she wants to change. No one would know if they saw them. They just look like knickers.

pintsizeprincess · 15/05/2021 21:16

I understand how you're feeling. My dd isn't 9 until July and started hers in February. I was upset at her being too young but to give credit to her she has taken it all in her stride. She is finding it harder to deal with the surge in hormones rather than changing sanitory towels etc.

I got her some modibodi pants for school and these have given her confidence as she doesn't need to change at school. Thankfully hers have been very light so far so that helps. She is in year 4 and isn't the only girl to have started as the school have now put a sanitory bin in one of the cubicles. Her teacher has allowed me to hand in a little toiletery bag with pads , change of pants etc which they keep in the teachers bathroom .

So she doesn't have to worry about being seen by her class mates taking pads to the toilet she can just go to the teachers bathroom. That might be worth talking to school about to see if that is an option. As at that age they don't take bags to the toilet and DD was worried incase a spare pad might fall out of her cardigan pocket etc. She will be fine. Unfortunately she is just on the younger end of the normal starting age range but will soon get used to everything. I said to DD she will be an expert by the time her friends all start so she seemed quite chuffed about that!! .

Verbena87 · 15/05/2021 21:17

Modibodi pants are great, you don’t need a pad as well, and the RED range have smaller sizes. I can manage a work day with 1 pair of the heavy ones. They look like normal pants, not bulky, and come in nice prints.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 15/05/2021 21:20

My DD started her periods yesterday - she's 11 but autistic and very young for her age. She won't change pads by herself, so I have to go in with her and help. Been a tricky couple of days but we're getting there. We home educate now so no worries about school etc.

I was just wondering - has anyone else's DD gone off food during their period? She feels very sick first thing (I assume low blood sugar) - she's managed lunch and dinner today but only very small portions and no snacks at all (which is unheard of).

I haven't had periods since I was in my mid 20s so I've forgotten pretty much what they were like....

Hallyup6 · 15/05/2021 21:21

My best friend started at nine, thirty years ago. My eldest daughter was a little older but still at primary school. Please have a word with her teacher, it might allow her access to appropriate toilets with bins or enable her to leave the classroom when she otherwise wouldn't be allowed. She won't be the first one and I'm sure the school have some plans in place for girls in her position. Period pants are a great idea. Her periods are likely to be sporadic and light for the first few months so she shouldn't have to worry about leaking too much. They'll probably be more comfortable too.

pintsizeprincess · 15/05/2021 21:22

Just to add. I was worried about her having to grow up too quickly and not want to do things any other girl her age do anymore but i've realised the two aren't mutually exclusive. She was playing dolls and messing about with her little sis earlier. She just happens to have started her periods too. Please don't worry about your DD. She will adjust and be fine.

EduCated · 15/05/2021 21:29

@Happycat1212

Period pants don't need a pad as well

According to the ones on amazon they do 😕

]]

There’s period pants and period pants - some are marketed as back up for pads/tampons etc., others as protection in their own right. The ones you’ve linked are the back up sort.
Jubilate · 15/05/2021 21:30

I was 10 when I got my period. My mum got me a school skirt with a zipped set in pocket in one of the side seams, which fitted two wrapped pads pretty well. Taking bags into the loo wasn't what we did in primary school and I didn't want to attract attention. It turned out I wasn't alone. There were 3 other girls who had started too. If your daughter is an outlier, she won't be for long.

KM38 · 15/05/2021 21:30

@BlatantlyNameChanged Glad you’ve ordered her some period pants. Hopefully they’ll make her feel more comfortable about dealing with it at school. I started when I’d just turned 9. No sanitary bins in the girls toilets. I used to have to take a wee pouch with pads in (wasn’t allowed to take my full school bag) and go to the school office to request the key for the teachers toilet and use that every month when I had my period 🙄
My school was a little village school and entirely open planned so every class could see me walking through the big open area in the middle to go to the office for the key 🙄 I was the first in my class to start by about 18 months. Wasn’t phased at all by the periods, but was mortified at having to use the teacher toilet!
I wouldn’t bother trying to delay anything! Just get her used to it and comfortable with it!

Happycat1212 · 15/05/2021 21:32

Oh ok thanks will have to keep looking for some then!

ninja · 15/05/2021 21:33

Both mine started at 10. My youngest was still flooding 10 days I to her first period :(

I would agree that that period pants are great - my daughter likes the wuka ones.

She doesn't tell me much about her period, just gets on with it

Another thing I found useful was that she was embarrassed about leaking in the night so I bought her dark bed sheets.

userxx · 15/05/2021 21:39

@ExhaustedFlamingo I used to suffer badly with my periods when I was younger, the cramping would leave me feeling nauseous and food was the last thing I wanted. It improved over time luckily.

travailtotravel · 15/05/2021 21:42

I started at 9. 39 years ago school was much less ready for this so I'm pleased she's got a mum like you ( mine gave me a book ffs no chit chats or cake, it was shameful in our house). So, head high, talk her through it, normalise it. Talk about things like feeling a bit angry or tearful etc and make that normal etc. Ypu sound like a great mum.

Y0YO · 15/05/2021 21:43

@ExhaustedFlamingo
I used to throw up on my period when I was younger.

I get nauseous sometimes even now. It's been worse since starting perimenopause so maybe it's a hormone level thing, I don't know?

Jesusmaryjosephandthecamel · 15/05/2021 21:45

Your poor little girl. That’s so young. I hope school make some provisions for her.

Whatflavourjellybabyisnice · 15/05/2021 21:48

No real advice, OP, but you are absolutely nailing it.
I'm saying that as a child of a shit mum that never had nice talks but instead has intrusiveness and embarrassment.
It might feel to you that you're getting it wrong but you are not. Your DD has a calm, safe compassionate base to come to.
It's ok to feel like you don't know what to do, nobody does all the time.
From what you've said, you're doing great xxx

Original poster
BlatantlyNameChanged · 15/05/2021 21:50

My school was a little village school and entirely open planned so every class could see me walking through the big open area in the middle to go to the office for the key

Oh lordy, you could be describing her school right there!

She seems brighter now we've had cake and cuddles, the prospect of no school on Monday has cheered her right up too. I might need to speak to the GP anyway for some advice as I look at the NHS page and it mentioned a link to adult height? She's only something like 12th centile for height so I need to check on that.

Thank you all for the advice and support Flowers

OP posts: