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Original poster

Playdate minefield

40 replies

confuseddotcomma · 15/05/2021 11:35

My daughter made a new friend at school, and we bumped into her with her mum at a local farmshop this morning. My daughter asked me loudly to get this other mums number so we could arrange a play, so I have messaged her. She has replied suggesting her daughter comes over after school one day by herself. I feel unsure about having her over without the mum - I don't know the girl at all! And am also really surprised she would be happy to send her girl here without knowing us at all! Is this normal? Am I being the weird one? What would you do?

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 15/05/2021 11:38

It really matters how old they are!

Also, if this is a third child for example she may be more laid back than one might be with a first.

Original poster
confuseddotcomma · 15/05/2021 11:39

Sorry they are both 7 and she is an only child

OP posts:
sunshineandshowers40 · 15/05/2021 11:41

At 7 I wouldn't be staying. With my youngest I never stayed. Eldest I stayed when he was in reception.

Original poster
confuseddotcomma · 15/05/2021 11:44

So you wouldn't stay even if this was a family you had never met before?

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 15/05/2021 11:44

I think by 7 most parents just drop and go. Have a chat with the mum to find out what her DD likes to eat / if there’s anything you need to bear in mind and then let the DC get on with it. Surely it would be more awkward to have to spend several hours with a woman you’ve never spoken to before and with whom you might have virtually nothing in common?

Dizzywizz · 15/05/2021 11:45

That’s so odd, of course if I didn’t know true family I would stay!

Hoppinggreen · 15/05/2021 11:47

At 7 I would be ok with it.

Winkywonkydonkey · 15/05/2021 11:48

I'd drop off and have a good nose through the door but ultimately leave them to it.

Orangebug · 15/05/2021 11:50

If they're in the same class at school, don't you sort of know the mum (from school events or something)? I wouldn't expect to stay at a play date for a 7yo.

MinnieMountain · 15/05/2021 11:51

I’d drop my 7yo off in those circumstances. He’s an only child and would be absolutely fine.

Original poster
confuseddotcomma · 15/05/2021 11:53

We don't really know any of the other school parents as we moved to this area just over a year ago, obviously the past year hasn't been great for meeting other school parents!
However I appreciate that you are mostly all telling me I am the one who is being a bit weird so I will go with it! Thanks!

OP posts:
SD1978 · 15/05/2021 12:07

7 is drop and go play dates. And as they get older, you're less and,less likely to know the parents. I'd probably come in, have a quick look around (nosey) and then leave

RuthW · 15/05/2021 12:07

At 7 mums don't stay longer than a few mins

EarringsandLipstick · 15/05/2021 12:07

Definitely drop & go. The parent of the child on the play date gets a break for 2 hours, lovely.

Equally, as the host parent my jaw would drop if it became clear a parent expected to stay.

UserAtRandom · 15/05/2021 12:15

I thought you were going to say they were Reception age! And even then I'd say by this point of the year (though granted things are probably a bit different due to Covid) most parents would be dropping and running.

Totally fine for a 7 year old to come round without a parent.

Egghead81 · 15/05/2021 12:17

Have you never had a child over before without the mother?!

Saz12 · 15/05/2021 12:18

At that age, drop & go, unless DC is particularly clingy, health issues, etc.
Though I’d be fine with parent asking if (s)he could stay for a shorter play date.

JustKeep · 15/05/2021 12:20

To be fair to OP, my eldest is almost 7 and I’ve only had children of close friends over without a parent staying. Play dates at home have been illegal or advised against for over a year! Certainly when he was in school before lockdown the parents all stayed at play dates as their children weren’t really happy to stay in a steam place by themselves.

At 7, I think it’s reasonable that you just pick both kids up from school and the other parent comes to collect theirs later. Just ask the other mum if there any dietary needs or anything you should know about.

Bluntness100 · 15/05/2021 12:21

Honestly it’s quite unusual to expect the parent to sit with you during a play date, particularly at this age. It’s the kids who get together on a play date, not the parents.

JustKeep · 15/05/2021 12:21

In a strange place. Not steam.

OwlTwitterings · 15/05/2021 12:23

I think it’s fine at seven and I wouldn’t expect a parent to come along at that age. Many of the parents will have seen each other at pick up or drop off during YR and probably done a few parties where they have chatted away. As a result, it means they probably feel the parents of their child’s class are safe to look after their child.

Egghead81 · 15/05/2021 12:24

If I was expected to stick around for a coffee with someone i didn’t know whilst my 7 year old had a play date or host the equivalent

  • it would be a flat “no” from me!
Temp023 · 15/05/2021 12:27

I would check for obvious burials in the garden, torture instruments and tall men in bi- coloured suits with whistles.

One of my DDs mothers used to sit through play dates, Christ it was dull. I was sat for three hours thinking “Please, please leave!” We had precisely nothing in common and I had loads I needed to get on with.

Luxembourgmama · 15/05/2021 12:49

At 7 I'd stay a few mins to help my kid take their coat off and perhaps for a quick coffee to make the acquaintance of the other parent. At my House i'd always invite them in for coffee

WorraLiberty · 15/05/2021 12:52

@Luxembourgmama

At 7 I'd stay a few mins to help my kid take their coat off and perhaps for a quick coffee to make the acquaintance of the other parent. At my House i'd always invite them in for coffee
That's assuming the other parent is happy to invite you in.

Not everyone wants to make awkward small talk over a cup of coffee.

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