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Original poster

Playdate minefield

40 replies

confuseddotcomma · 15/05/2021 11:35

My daughter made a new friend at school, and we bumped into her with her mum at a local farmshop this morning. My daughter asked me loudly to get this other mums number so we could arrange a play, so I have messaged her. She has replied suggesting her daughter comes over after school one day by herself. I feel unsure about having her over without the mum - I don't know the girl at all! And am also really surprised she would be happy to send her girl here without knowing us at all! Is this normal? Am I being the weird one? What would you do?

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 15/05/2021 12:55

7 drop and go.

Message her to check dietary requirements and you’re good to go.

knightinshiningwhatever · 15/05/2021 12:59

@confuseddotcomma are you saying when you were 7 and you went to a friends house after school for tea your mum came too?

Original poster
confuseddotcomma · 15/05/2021 13:01

I was never allowed to have friends over or to go to their houses (a whole other story) so I am still trying to work out what's normal...

OP posts:
Original poster
confuseddotcomma · 15/05/2021 13:03

I can see I'm clearly in the minority here but I am a bit surprised that so many people would be happy to leave their 7 year old with people they didn't know at all!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/05/2021 14:04

@confuseddotcomma

I can see I'm clearly in the minority here but I am a bit surprised that so many people would be happy to leave their 7 year old with people they didn't know at all!
Yes but it's not like you've left them in a supermarket with a random shopper.

This is a child that your child has chosen to be friends with and her mum. If she feels uncomfortable at any time, make it clear to her and the mum that she's to ask her to phone you.

If this is going to be a problem in future, give her a cheap PAYG phone and teach her how to use it.

Argos sell them for £2.50

EarringsandLipstick · 15/05/2021 14:52

Yes but it's not like you've left them in a supermarket with a random shopper.

😂😂 this made me laugh!

UserAtRandom · 15/05/2021 17:12

@confuseddotcomma

I can see I'm clearly in the minority here but I am a bit surprised that so many people would be happy to leave their 7 year old with people they didn't know at all!
You've had a chat with them in the farm shop so you have a little bit of an inkling (the fact that your meeting was in a farm shop says volumes ...). You've potentially already made small talk with the parent in the school playground. Your DC has spoken to their DC and probably knows a bit about their home life. So you're not leaving them with a complete stranger (give it another 2 years ...). Unless you are intending to become best buddies, there's a limit in how much you're going to get to know the parent of your child's friend.
Bluntness100 · 15/05/2021 17:19

@confuseddotcomma

I can see I'm clearly in the minority here but I am a bit surprised that so many people would be happy to leave their 7 year old with people they didn't know at all!
It’s more than that op. If your daughter is invited for a play date, most parents will not wish to have you tagging along and staying. The invite is not for you unless expressly stated.

Play dates are very common, it’s two kids getting together to play together. The parents are there to distantly supervise.

It’s your child going to see her friend.

Why were you never allowed to go to friends houses or have friends round? That’s very sad. Surely you must know kids went to each other’s homes?

Bluntness100 · 15/05/2021 17:22

@Egghead81

If I was expected to stick around for a coffee with someone i didn’t know whilst my 7 year old had a play date or host the equivalent
  • it would be a flat “no” from me!
Me too, if I was expected to stay it would have been the last play date I agreed ro for them, and same if the mother stayed at my home. Play dates are for the kids, not the parents.
WorraLiberty · 15/05/2021 17:51

You've had a chat with them in the farm shop so you have a little bit of an inkling (the fact that your meeting was in a farm shop says volumes ...)

Eh? 🤔😂

Whoateallthechocolate · 15/05/2021 17:58

In this sort of situation, I always offer to host the first play date as then I can at least see how the DC get on and then also make it clear in the invitation that, if a parent comes over half an hour or so before suggested pick up time, they're welcome to come in for a cup of tea/glass of wine and that then gives us time for a chat. I've found that, if you spring that idea on them when they arrive to do pick up, it might be that they need to dash off to collect another child or do something else.
Alternatively, suggest you meet up at a park or something the first time.

midnightstar66 · 15/05/2021 18:34

Parents don't tend tay once they hit primary age unless they are also close friends. The norm here is the host collects both children from school and the hosted child's parent collects. Absolutely normal from age 5 but definitely at 7

Stompythedinosaur · 15/05/2021 18:39

Drop and go is completely normal imo. If you want the mum to stay you needed to say that in the invite.

moynomore · 15/05/2021 18:43

I would hate it if I invited a 7 year old for a play date and the mum I don't know wanted to stay!

Insertfunnyname · 15/05/2021 18:44

7 is definitely drop and go for play dates

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