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Original poster

I don't want to be a house wife.

40 replies

Idontknowanymore05 · 13/05/2021 14:23

In September both my children will be at school 30hours a week.
I work part time Fri-Sun, which means I will have 26hours in the week off. I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. I can't get a job for week days as I have no one to look after my children during school holidays. I also don't want to be a house wife doing house work the whole time. I feel so unfulfilled in certain parts of my life but I don't know or don't have the energy/get up and go to fix them.
I don't know what I'm asking. I'm just miserable. I really want to change but I don't know how. Any thoughts?

OP posts:

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/05/2021 14:28

Do an(other) online university degree? A friend of mine got her masters and doctorate that way. Then when the kids were in secondary school, she started back FT as a university lecturer doing evening classes.

OverTheRubicon · 13/05/2021 14:30

@Idontknowanymore05

In September both my children will be at school 30hours a week. I work part time Fri-Sun, which means I will have 26hours in the week off. I really don't know what I'm doing with my life. I can't get a job for week days as I have no one to look after my children during school holidays. I also don't want to be a house wife doing house work the whole time. I feel so unfulfilled in certain parts of my life but I don't know or don't have the energy/get up and go to fix them. I don't know what I'm asking. I'm just miserable. I really want to change but I don't know how. Any thoughts?

It sounds like you're feeling stuck in a rut, but you do have options.

If you want to retrain for a better paid or more suitable job, or get healthy, or rediscover a passion, or spend time with older family - well you'll have a lot of time in the week.

Or if you'd rather work during the week and have family time on weekends, I cannot believe that this is not an option. You say won't have anyone to look after your DCs in the school holidays, but most of us don't have one person to manage all holidays, which is why we cobble together something from annual leave, holiday clubs, swaps with other parents, visiting family, unpaid leave if possible, wfh with children who are older and can entertain themselves etc. There's obviously someone else in their and your life or you couldn't work weekends, and they can share the load too. Many families also end up effectively spending more in childcare during holidays than they get by working, but it still makes sense once you average it out over the year.

Working all weekend sounds so hard, but you have a great opportunity to change things - you can do it!

Original poster

Idontknowanymore05 · 13/05/2021 14:31

I don't know what I'd be good at. I dont work in an professional field of anything. Just in retail. I don't have any self esteem when it comes to coming out of my comfort zone.

OP posts:

Holly147 · 13/05/2021 14:32

Sorry you're so fed up

Have you looked into jobs that would be term-time only working? As well as the obvious ones like working in a school as a receptionist/ administrator/ teaching assistant, some more flexible employers allow employees to work term-time only. E.g. I know people who do this in local councils, civil service and universities. They get paid a pro rata rate and don't take any leave at other times of year.

Are you on your own or is there someone who you can share the school holiday childcare with?

FTEngineerM · 13/05/2021 14:35

Well, find something you are interested in. What documentaries catch your eye? If you flick through a book, what type is it?

Then have a look at online courses.
Or if you like retail look at courses relating to that.

I definitely think education is key here because it’ll give you a spark and some confidence along with helping to develop a career if you ever want to

Holly147 · 13/05/2021 14:35

If you're not sure what you want to do, then as PP have said you have lots of time in the week which would be a really good opportunity to take a college course, or to try out something new by volunteering or approaching employers you're interested in to ask about work experience. Perhaps speak to a careers advisor who could help you think about careers that might interest you.

emmathedilemma · 13/05/2021 14:36

What @OverTheRubicon said! I don't know a single person with kids who has free childcare or childcare from one source through the school holidays. People split their leave with partners, use friends and family, holiday clubs etc. I've worked with people who've taken extended unpaid leave over the summer holidays so the entire family could have a decent holiday together.
You work in retail so what skills do you have from that? Is it customer facing e.g. on a till or shop floor? Or back room, planning / logistics? Do you manage any other staff, help to train new people etc??
You need to push yourself out of your comfort zone if you want to do something new and come across well at an interview.

SummerHouse · 13/05/2021 14:38

This is tough. When you feel like this, it's the worst time to get the motivation needed to do something / change something. And sadly, it's when you need it most. What do you love, what do you care about? You could volunteer at school or elsewhere. Anything to remind you that you are a brilliant person with a positive contribution to make. Don't put loads of pressure on yourself. Life is tough! Just living it is an achievement. Just do things that make you happy. Walk, read, pick up litter, walk a neighbors dog... Anything.

HitsAndMrs · 13/05/2021 14:40

Echoing previous posters. Holiday clubs and after school clubs. You can't live your life around their school otherwise none of us would ever work.

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/05/2021 14:40

What would you like to do? Think of what would you do if you could just choose for yourself and not worry about child care/school holidays.

Because I agree with the prior poster, those things work themselves out. It seemed impossible at the time, but every year we managed to cross that bridge. You and partner schedule leave to cover some of them, you find day camps or summer camps, ship children off to family/cousins, hire a summer nanny, etc.

Jongleurterre · 13/05/2021 14:41

Are you interested in any crafts or have any informal skills that you couldn’t utilise working from home?

TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain · 13/05/2021 15:21

Could you do a couple of days or mornings/afternoons of voluntary work in the week?
It might help with your confidence and let you work out what else you could be good at, work-wise.

Original poster

Idontknowanymore05 · 13/05/2021 15:34

You're all so lovely. Thank you.

@OverTheRubicon You are right, I have people that I can lean on for childcare. There's my husband for starters and PIL live down the road. There is also breakfast & after school club. Even half term clubs! I've never ever been paid enough to warrant using paid childcare and I think with my lack of education, I don't know how high I could go in any field.

So I guess I better start with education. I've spent time looking through what I'd like to do and nothing has taken my fancy.
I have also worked around my husband as he is the breadwinner. It works well but I'm just so unfulfilled.

I like getting my hands dirty. I hate anything office based. I like being on my feet. If I had lots of money, i'd easily open a soft play or coffee shop.

OP posts:

Original poster

Idontknowanymore05 · 13/05/2021 15:35

@TheSmallClangerWhistlesAgain

Could you do a couple of days or mornings/afternoons of voluntary work in the week? It might help with your confidence and let you work out what else you could be good at, work-wise.

I have tried looking for voluntary work but there doesn't seem to be any at the moment.

OP posts:

OverTheRubicon · 13/05/2021 15:53

Even if you haven't been paid enough in the past for paid childcare, it might be worth it now. it's so much more affordable once they're at school, and you can also consider so many more jobs when you're not constrained by school hours and weekends.

murbblurb · 13/05/2021 16:18

Check the charity commission register to see what operates in your area - there's more to volunteering than charity shops. If something appeals, contact them. They will bite your hand off!

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/05/2021 16:19

I like getting my hands dirty. I hate anything office based. I like being on my feet.

Could become a park ranger or countryside conservation specialist?

www.nationaltrustjobs.org.uk/find-your-place/countryside-management/

emmathedilemma · 13/05/2021 16:21

Basic gardening (you don't need to be an export to cut grass or tidy borders) or dog walking?

emmathedilemma · 13/05/2021 16:22

expert not export!!

Triffid1 · 13/05/2021 16:23

Agree with PP, childcare is not enough of a reason to simply not work during the week if that's what you'd like to do and there are ways to make it work. For example, even if you just up your current retail job so that you take on a couple of day time shifts - you wouldn't need full time childcare in holidays and it would give you more to do and more money.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 13/05/2021 16:24

I'm a single parent and work weekdays, holiday childcare is available in most places. I take all my annual leave in the school holidays, you can do that if you get a weekday job and your husband can do his share too. If you want to work more you can make it work.

Original poster

Idontknowanymore05 · 13/05/2021 16:39

Im actually a night shift worker. Which works perfectly as I have my weekend days to have family time (obviously I have to sacrifice sleep) that's why my job fits perfectly around my husbands and family life. I feel like I've got the best of both worlds.

I just can't believe I'm moaning about having free time, when it's all I've wanted and was looking forward to for a long time. I do want a career. I'm very early 30s so I know I still have time. I just need to find something that works around my life. I keep hearing so many people say that's its not about "you" anymore, when you have kids. That's so hard to hear. I want to do something for me.

OP posts:

PlanDeRaccordement · 13/05/2021 17:04

I keep hearing so many people say that's its not about "you" anymore, when you have kids.

Ugh I hate when I hear that. Yes, I put my kids first. Both DH and I do, but that doesn’t mean we don’t exist anymore. We are a close #2 behind the kids. They’re a big part of our lives, but this idea that you’re supposed to sacrifice your entire life, dreams, goals, on the altar of parenthood is just silliness imho. It’s one of those old wives pearls of wisdom that people love to say that really are taking things to the illogical extreme and shouldn’t be taken literally.

Bul21ia · 13/05/2021 17:18

Before I read all your updates I wasn’t sure if you had a husband or not... use him OP!!

Childcare costs will have to be split. Do you like working shifts on no sleep? On a weekend too?

I did this with DS when he was a baby it was rubbish I missed all occasions and weekend events and certainly would not do it with school age children.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 13/05/2021 17:19

I think when you're a night shift worker things have a slightly angle - you need time off during the week to rest, especially if you're sacrificing weekend sleep to be with the family. Night shifts mess around with your system.

That said, if you do feel lack of education is holding you back, now is the perfect time to remedy that. But I tell you what, if you ever fancied working for yourself and you like to be outside, now is the perfect time to become a dog walker. All the ones I know are taking on staff with the lockdown puppy boom...

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