Would you do this with your child?

[treesmight]

Would you leave 14/15 year old child alone at home for a week with food in fridge, some money and in a safe village/area? There’s a local shop with food a five minute walk away.

[gavisconismyfriend]

I was regularly left for 1-2 weeks from around this age. I didn’t want to go, my parents wanted to go with their friends, I had 2 weeks in a tension free household and we all got a break from each other.

[intheenddoesitreallymatter]

Overnight in extreme circumstances possibly.

For a week? Absolutely fucking not.

[Hockeyboysmum]

Few days yes but probably not a week

[EmbarrassingMama]

What is a 'higher education/advanced learner holiday'?

Misses the point

[SunshineSuxx]

My Mum used to do this most weekends - I was 15, sister 12 and Mum had a new BF who had a caravan they used to go away in. They'd go miles, and never once phoned to check we were OK (this was late 80s so no mobiles). We were alone from Friday after school to very late sunday night.

Thank god for our elderly neighbour who used to come and sit with us and check we were OK. She once divulged that she thought Mum was dreadful for doing it.

[ArabellaScott]

Probably not, though it would depend on the child and circumstances.

I left home at 16, and it's legal to do so, so I am a bit bemused at people who wouldn't leave a 16 year old alone.

[Dixiechickonhols]

No not overnight for a week. NSPCC advice is no under 16s be left. If something happened it could be viewed as neglect. One night in an absolute emergency I’d probably be ok with. My DC is 15 and sensible and nice area with neighbours opposite she could go to in emergency.

[Erikrie]

Think it was more normal to do that back in the 80s. Although I wouldnt do it, 14 seems a bit young to me. And I saw the damage to my friends parents houses, when they inevitably had a party because the parents were away. Broken windows. Paint stripper up the walls. Nah. No chance.

[Jellybabiesforbreakfast]

It depends slightly on where you live, I guess. I grew up in a detached house down a quiet country lane on the edge of a village. Nearest neighbour was a fair distance away. If someone had broken in, no one would have heard any screaming. Where we live now is semi-detached, surrounded by other houses, front doors and gardens overlooked. It's a family area and we know our neighbours and have each other's numbers. No one can have visitors without everyone else in our road being aware of it. So I would feel much more comfortable leaving an older child alone around here.

[Schoolchoicesucks]

No.

Overnight, possibly. A weekend, if a good, trusted and sensible friend was staying over.

A week? No chance. If it's for the parent to go on a holiday, go somewhere the teenager wants to go - only a couple of years until they are old enough to be left. Take a friend along if that helps.

At 17, probably yes, although not at exam time.

[HarebrightCedarmoon]

No, not for a week, perhaps overnight if they were happy with it, certainly while we went out for the evening would be fine. DD1 is 16 in July though and we were considering letting her be at home for half a week at half term, but it looks like DH will be with her. Grandparents and my SIL are just round the corner though and she'd probably end up eating a couple of meals there anyway. A year can make a big difference in maturity though.

[rookiemere]

No I wouldn't leave DS 15 alone for a night although we have discussed doing it once he is 16.

In your case OP the obvious question is why did both of your DPs need to ferry your DSis around ? In that situation either DH or I would do it and other DP would stay home with other DC.

[Missteebeee]

I wouldn’t leave my 17 year old that long

[1WayOrAnother2]

@steppemum you said: ''I got slated on here for leaving him because he was under 16. But it was a joint decision and he couldn't wait for us to go!''

Think about this 'joint decision'. What exactly did the 15 year old have to be so very happy about in the arrangement? There really doesn't sound to be much in it for a lone teen. Are you not projecting how YOU felt to be free?

[treesmight]

@rookiemere I am not sure. They were very proud of her achievements and so wanted to be there, I think. They weren’t cruel to me and I had all I needed. I was just very lonely and I don’t know how to assert my own needs in relationships now. I literally will do whatever makes anyone happy and live in constant fear that they will leave me if I am not easy going and totally ok with how they want to treat me.

[rookiemere]

@1WayOrAnother2 DS 15 would much prefer to stay at home than go on a boring UK break with us and has said so. However instead until he is 16 we bring a friend for him or holiday with the wider family so he is happy to come along.

[1WayOrAnother2]

Teens are usually ok home alone... but just occasionally they are not - and suddenly they are really not ok at all.

That is why you need to be around.

[iamruth]

Absolutely not,

[Stompythedinosaur]

Like everyone else, I think it was neglectful.

The appropriate thing would be for one parent to go with your sister to support her and one to stay with you.

[LBOCS2]

So, I was left alone for a week when I was about 15, while DM and DSis went on holiday in the late 90s/early 00s? I was perfectly happy and comfortable with it, I spent my time running about south London with my friends, getting my lip pierced, general teenage silliness. But DDad was local, and I was extremely happy to be at home on my own.

I'm not defending it compared to modern parenting, and I can't see us leaving our 13yo alone for a week in a couple of years' time, but my experience of it was absolutely fine. It's part of the bigger picture; I think - it sounds like your parents prioritised your sibling's wants/needs/education over yours, and this is a symptom of that.

[amusedbush]

Honestly, I would have loved it. When I was 15 (2005) my parents took my younger brother to visit family 200 miles away and left me for four days.

I think I was 17 when they took him on holiday abroad for two weeks and left me at home.

I didn’t want to go and enjoyed having the house to myself. However, it’s an individual thing. If you didn’t want to be left behind, it wasn’t fair.

[NeedCoffeeToSurvive]

I personally wouldn't, but my parents did, they went on holiday to Gibraltar. The house, myself and the dog survived absolutely fine for a week.

[CirqueDeMorgue]

@ArabellaScott

Probably not, though it would depend on the child and circumstances.

I left home at 16, and it's legal to do so, so I am a bit bemused at people who wouldn't leave a 16 year old alone.

Yes, I think it's a bit mad that some people would point blank refuse to leave their 16yos. I wasn't even particularly mature at 16 and I managed to leave home without the world ending. Also, loads of my friends went away to various festivals for long weekends and that was considered normal too. This was only in the 00s.

[Wallywobbles]

We live incredibly rurally surrounded by various family members farms. I'd leave our 12, 15, 15 & 16 yo DC together. They're pretty competent as a group.

I'm hoping they'll all be ready to leave home at 18 FFS so they bloody ought to survive a week.

It'd be an interesting experiment. There is absolutely no way DH would agree though. Good subject for supper this evening.

[itsalltrue22]

No not for a whole week. However at 14 and 15 my SS and I would frequently be left home from Friday til Sunday nights by our selfish parents. Its a long time ago and we never came to any harm but its impossible to call it parenting.

In fact they were seemingly surprised when at 16 I was pregnant and actually ended up married before I was 17 to the father.

My 12 year old is very mature and trustworthy and is often home alone when we are working but I cannot imagine leaving even her alone overnight at 15.