Would you do this with your child?

[treesmight]

Would you leave 14/15 year old child alone at home for a week with food in fridge, some money and in a safe village/area? There’s a local shop with food a five minute walk away.

[JeanneFrench]

No, and as a teacher we would have to flag this as a safeguarding issue if we knew it was happening. They need to sleep somewhere an adult is present.

[Kona84]

no i wouldn't think it was right to do it.
however i remember most saturdays been left as a 12 or 13 year old to look after 5 kids between ages of 2 and 12 while my mum went out with her friend and my dad worked.
parents aren't always the best.

[Shmithecat2]

That age was late 80s for me. I don't think I was left alone for a whole week, but certainly for long weekends sometimes. It was fine 🤷🏻‍♀️. I had a weekend job anyway. But I guess they were different times.

[2bazookas]

@treesmight

Would you leave 14/15 year old child alone at home for a week with food in fridge, some money and in a safe village/area? There’s a local shop with food a five minute walk away.

That depends entirely on the child. I was a very feisty independent 14/15 so could and did cope perfectly well, fending for myself alone in house. Some money but no food left in fridge; I was expected to go out and buy it. In fact, I ate at work and kept the money. )

My sister was a hopeless needy feckless mess and fuck-up until age 40.

[diddl]

Has it really ever been a thing to leave a child of that age, day & night for a week to holiday with the other child?

Just sounds like plain old neglect to me!

[Kona84]

i will add this was the mid 90's and for a long time we didn't have a house phone for emergencies.

[treesmight]

It happened a few times. A week was the longest though.

There were lots of days here and there where I would get a taxi home from school (middle of nowhere) as they would be out with my sibling.

I think I feel defensive of my parents as they did always invite me to go. I just didn’t want to. I was probably difficult and rude and bratty about it. But i found it awful sitting in car parks waiting for my sibling to come out of another class, or driving round the country going to new group activities for them. I guess I was jealous and they used to accuse me of that regularly. But ultimately it was me refusing to go with them. I felt very alone.

[Jellybabiesforbreakfast]

At home alone what risk are they at? What do you imagine might happen?

Obviously, the nightmare scenario is that someone learns that a young teen is home alone and breaks into the house while they're sleeping and rapes and murders them.

Very unlikely, I know, but certainly as a young adult in my early 20s I had the occasional panic about this when my housemates were all away and I was all by myself in our shared house. There's no way I would leave a young teen scared and lonely in a silent house by themselves.

[Blacktothepink]

No fucking way!

[Bibidy]

I think it's fine if there's an unavoidable reason why it has to be done, like work or something.

Not ideal but old enough to look after themselves for a week and to be able to contact you if they need you.

[CatrinVennastin]

My parents left my sister at home alone for a weekend when she was 15. She had a party and the house got trashed.

(I was on a uni exchange in the states so it was nothing to do with me)!

[Hortimulcher888]

Nope! Whenever we've had a situation like you describe op, one parent stays at home and the other accompanies the other child on a trip.

[diddl]

I would have thought the solution would be one parent go with your sibling, look for friends for you to stay with or you go & all do something together whilst waiting for your sibling.

Presumably sibling couldn't take themself to these things?

[Numnumcookie]

I was left alone at 14/15 for a week with my sister who was a year older (just turned 16). We didn't want to go on the holiday my parents went on with our younger siblings.

Depends on the child your leaving I suppose. Both my sister and I were sensible teenagers who wouldn't hold parties or invite people over etc. We both were taught to cook safely, clean etc from a much younger age. Strict instructions to make sure doors and windows locked at night and when we went out.

Grandparents and aunts and uncles all lived within 30mins of us and all numbers memorised or in the phone book by the phone.

Considering you can leave home without parental permission etc when 16, I don't think leaving a 15 year old alone for a week is that much of a stretch. Again depends on the child I suppose and it was 2005 before social media etc.

[Thatisnotwhatisaid]

My Mum did this when I was 15. She went abroad and couldn’t be arsed taking me so left me at home for a week with enough food in and some extra cash. I was honestly absolutely fine, I left home at 16 anyway so I’ve learnt to be independent. I don’t think I’d do the same to my DC though, maybe at 16.

[Beamur]

My DD is 14 and there is no way I would ever leave her alone overnight, let alone several days.
You have my sympathies OP. My parents went away several times without me when I was maybe 16? I coped but felt rather alone and scared. I do blame my father with hindsight for being selfish - he just didn't want me there. There was no benefit to me. I have a lot of issues with my Dad's parenting!

[treesmight]

No @diddl my sibling was younger and they were often hours away, in other places round the country. My sibling was talented and I know why they wanted to encourage and support them. I just felt worthless and in the way and I have deep seated relationship insecurity that I have battled with my whole life. I find it impossible to ask for anything in a relationship for fear of losing someone. It has led me into some very toxic and abusive relationships where I put up with anything. I don’t know if there is a link but going into my past has been hard.

[tedsletterofthelaw]

I wouldn't leave a child of that age overnight alone.

Evening out fine, but not overnight and certainly not a week!

Sorry your parents did this OP. I do think things have changed recently with regards to parents being more aware of safety but still not acceptable at all. And certainly not the norm in 2005.

[Thatisnotwhatisaid]

My parents left my sister at home alone for a weekend when she was 15. She had a party and the house got trashed

My cousin’s Mum did this when my cousins were 14 and 16. The 16 year old was extremely mature and sensible so I guess their Mum figured everything would be ok with her in charge. Anyway 16 yo decided to go visit some friends one evening and left the 14 yo home with a couple of her friends. When 16yo returned, the younger one had invited at least 40 people over and they’d trashed the house. My cousin had to call my Uncle to get them all out, the younger one was grounded for months .

[ProcrastinationIsMySuperPower]

I would 100% never leave a 14 or 15 year old home alone, for one night, let alone a whole week.
My DD is nearly 17 and has never been home alone over night.
The first time I was left home alone at night, I was 16 and I hated it - every noise made me paranoid someone was breaking in. I don't think I slept much.

[MisfitNotMissFit]

I'm amazed at some of the responses on here! Not leaving NT teenagers for more than a couple of hours, or not after 8pm. Especially nowadays where everyone is contactable at a moment's notice.

I am literally gobsmacked!

[INeedNewShoes]

I'm not as horrified by this as most.

In the 90s in a village (quiet, nothing-ever-happens sort of place but big enough that there were plenty of people around) I was left home alone for weekends from the age of 15 but with numerous close neighbours whose doors I could knock on if I needed.

At 16 my parents went away for two weeks but did arrange for my grandparents to stay overnight for some of the time in the 2nd week.

I really didn't mind and enjoyed the independence. I have a good relationship with my parents.

[minniemomo]

Under 16 I think it's illegal

[Terrazzo]

Ah this is sad OP. I am the same age as you, so same era, and also lived in the middle of nowhere. I would have been scared at night and lonely overall! Your feelings about it are totally valid and I’m sorry this happened to you.

[steppemum]

When ds was 15 1/2 we went away for 4 days, and ds really did not want to come to the event we were at.
So we left him at home.
He had the dog, which kept him company and made him go out every day. It was from Friday morning until Tuesday evening, and on the Sunday my mum came and got him (and dog) and took them to her house for dinner. So 2 nights, day with Granny, then 2 nights.

We texted him every day.
We have good neighbours who knew he was home and my good friend lives round the corner and deliberately walked past every day, (and he knew she would) to make sure no parties etc going on.

I was happy with that and he was delighted to have the hosue to himself. We left plenty of food which just needed microwave or pizza in the oven.

I got slated on here for leaving him because he was under 16. But it was a joint decision and he couldn't wait for us to go!

I think though that in your case, your parents were masisvely negligent. Thye shoudl not have been leaving you, and they shoudl have taken your needs into account as well as your siblings.

You can love your parents and still acknowledge that they made some seriously bad decisions which have negatively affected you. You can even understand maybe why they did something, but still understand and acknowledge that what they did was wrong.
But it can be very hard to acknowledge that your parents were crap parents