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Original poster

How did you know your marriage was over?

38 replies

Ilovedmybed1985 · 09/05/2021 21:30

I have been married 5 years to my husband. We have a baby and a toddler together. I am now wondering whether we should even be together, so many arguments every single day. What was it that made you realise it was over?

OP posts:

Feduppluckingmychinhairs · 09/05/2021 21:36

I knew the it was coming but the morning he told me in front of the kids that I was a cunt and should hang myself was the day. I threw my cup of coffee down the sink, packed up some things and we walked out the door In the bigger picture it was actually a small thing compared to lots of stuff that happened down through the years. I always wondered what my "moment" be. I just thought to myself "children shouldn't have to listen to this".

purplebatbear · 09/05/2021 21:42

The day he made me walk a very long way to the car after just having had a baby and I could barely move.
Oh. Whilst shouting and belittling me.
Yeah. I switched off after that.

VladmirsPoutine · 09/05/2021 21:44

My marriage ended the night we went out and I couldn't bear to talk or be near him. I knew. These aren't mystery moments - often times we often know.

That said, given the set up you have r.e young kids it's not going to be as easy as walking out with a bag packed.

Are the arguments something more significant than the what is to be expected when raising a young family especially given lockdown and covid. Is it more than just getting under eachother's feet?

I think given you are considering divorce it's perhaps a lot more serious. But there was one morning I remember looking at my ex H and knowing I could not spend a single moment more married to him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems

IanHBuckells · 09/05/2021 21:48

I can't pinpoint the moment but about 6 months before he actually left. By then he'd had an affair, wanted to move in with OW and I had done the pick me dance twice. When he actually left I felt nothing but relief although, of course, in the weeks and months to follow came the overwhelming sadness, anger, sadness, anger...

I can't imagine how bad it would have got if he'd not have left- I never would have had the guts and he- like most men- wouldn't have left if he didn't have somewhere new to go.

YorkieTheRabbit · 09/05/2021 22:14

The day he told me that my best friend should have got over the death of her dad, it was two weeks I’d been taking to her on the phone and he’d head her crying. When the call ended he said it was about time she’d moved on. His death was totally unexpected and she was the one who found him.

VictoriaLudorum · 09/05/2021 22:28

He committed suicide, whilst I was away for work.
I think that was pretty final.

liquidy · 09/05/2021 22:34

He used to stay out drinking until 5am. Every time he did this, I'd wake and hope that instead of hearing his key in the door, it would be a knock from the police telling me he was dead. Sad but true.

I also remember reading a post from an MNer some time ago who said that she'd got blind drunk and woken up on the sofa the next morning. The first thing she did was go and check she hadn't murdered her husband. That one stuck with me.

shewalkslikerihanna · 09/05/2021 22:39

When , as we were approaching our 30 th wedding anniversary, having just had valentines and my birthday, I said should we renew our wedding vows next year
I thought it would be lovely with the kids, seeing as how they weren’t at the first one.
I said we could go to Vegas and redo the vows In Front of Elvis..I said jokingly.
Noooo, he shouted from somewhere near his boots, I’m thinking of leaving you
That was 2004, he finally went in 2006 and we got divorced in 2008
He couldn’t decide whether he wanted me or the other woman ( that I didn’t know about)
Eventually he ended up with neither.
I met a lovely man and we’ve been married for nearly 6 years and together for 13

What a favour he did me.

Pieceofpurplesky · 09/05/2021 22:42

When he was shagging his best mate's wife

Goodtohear · 09/05/2021 23:03

He brought ow home while I was in bed I heard them downstairs (I was 11 weeks pregnant with a long awaited baby). 6 weeks later I left for good - he begged me for months to come back.

PleaseReferToMeAsBritneySpears · 09/05/2021 23:30

I spent years wondering how much I was expected to put up with. One night he got drunk and told me he had a hitman who would kill me. That did it!

coodawoodashooda · 09/05/2021 23:40

I just didn't believe one word that came out of his mouth.

BritInAus · 10/05/2021 03:00

When I had confirmation that she had driven very drunk with our young child in the car.

When I finally admitted to myself that her alcoholism was never going to get better.

When her boss called me to say she was drinking multiple bottles of wine a day at work.

When her parents refused to take my concerns seriously and I realised their entire family was f*cked.

When we went to Emergency a second time for an alcohol related event (drunk driving/suicide attempt) and she physically abused me in the waiting area whilst also screamed at me that I didn't help undress her fast enough not to soil herself.

Ah, fond memories.

coodawoodashooda · 10/05/2021 07:30

Yeah, that thing where you constantly think, 'if this isn't my bottom line, then what is?' until you don't even care. I don't think you need to decide. It decides itself and you finally accept it. Finally.

duggeeismynewbestfriend · 10/05/2021 07:33

When I asked this question

Orangebug · 10/05/2021 07:34

OP, is it 'just' arguments and bickering or do they turn nasty with personal insults or shouting and swearing? You are in a difficult time with a toddler and a baby - I think it's normal to have more arguments at this stage. Do you love him? Do you both want to make it work? Maybe marriage guidance counselling would help.

DinosaurDiana · 10/05/2021 07:39

I think you keep lowering the bar because you keep hoping it will get better.

Blueberry40 · 10/05/2021 07:51

When I walked into my DS room loaded with laundry to put away, to find my then husband on the floor playing with his toys like some sort of manchild. Had felt for a long time like a very stressed out single mum with three children (actually have two but they were easier in many ways than him) and this just confirmed it. I knew at that moment it was over.

HelloCanYouHearMe · 10/05/2021 08:43

Not married but 16 years together. The cracks were showing, but the straw that did it was when we were on holiday.

He walked off down the road with my bag containing bottles of water, my purse, my phone and left me battling 2yo DS, a beach bag and toys in 85 degree heat. I was calling him to come back but he just kept walking.

That was the moment I realised that he actually didnt give a shiny shit about me or DS.

I left him 2 months after that holiday

PermanentTemporary · 10/05/2021 08:49

I was lying in bed in the morning and thought that I could keep going forever and things would never change, that his dislike of other people would gradually consume me and there would always be a huge gap in life that we couldn't discuss, or I could end it and at least life would contain possibilities again.

Babdoc · 10/05/2021 08:54

VictoriaLudorum I’m so sorry, that must have been horrific. My own experience wasn’t much better - being told by a colleague that my much loved DH was brain dead after a cerebral haemorrhage at the age of 36. Our DC were babies at the time, and have grown up with no memory of him at all.

CheaperByTheHalfDozen · 10/05/2021 09:13

When he hit me for the first and last time. I immediately kicked him out.

But the marriage was dead long before then, for at least 5 years. He was a nasty piece of work and I dreaded the sound of his key in the door every evening.

pointythings · 10/05/2021 09:32

When I came home with DDs after a night away to find him stinking drunk and lying about having been drinking - he was two weeks out of rehab.

Rainbow321 · 10/05/2021 09:41

I was deeply depressed , grieving a death of a sibling and in the throes of an eating disorder . I felt I'd reached rock bottom . I decided in order to get medical help I should reach out to him first. He told me I was disgusting and to never mention it to him again .

Jannetra17 · 10/05/2021 11:29

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