Is it normal to want another baby even though you don't really want another child

[imgoingtoregretthis]

I keep thinking I want another baby, but then when my toddler is doing something I think, I'll be glad when this phase is over and I don't want to do it again. I have an older child too already, so I have 2 children, a boy and a girl.

But then clearing out things like toys I think oh should I keep that for number 3, which would be ridiculous as I'm too old, poor, all the reasons, plus then it's putting my oldest through it twice.

Is it just a thing to want another, but not really. The idea but not the reality, maybe the old biological clock ?

Of course it’s normal, my youngest is now 4 and I miss having a baby even though I absolutely don’t want another 🤣

I wanted another one for sure. Practically though it wasn't a good idea. The feeling faded and now mine are older teens I just think 'thank fuck' . It was so sad packing up the bits and pieces for good and closing chapters of a book though. It was the right decision. Having a third would have affected our lives in so many ways. Financially and emotionally.

For me it’s hormones! I’ve been dreaming about a 3rd, my boys are 9&7. I reckon it’s my mind desperately trying to procreate again before I get too old.
I’m 41, in good shape and health and financially comfortable so for me it’s head v heart.

But when I really think about it, I mean really really think about it, I’m happy with 2. The idea of going back to diaper bags, Cheerios in a pot and potty training leaves me cold. And I’m just watching my kids play in the pool together and I know in my heart of hearts, that there’s nobody missing.

I could have written that myself @Strokethefurrywall!

I'm 40 and have 2 kids, 6 and 8. I often wonder what a third baby would be like, the cuddles, their smell, seeing my kids play with him or her, but then I think about the realities, and the nap taking up the whole day, and the screaming in the back of the car, and cleaning the floor 3,403 times a day and the stress of it. I love my 2 and we have such fun, it's such a great phase in their lives - but when I am in the playground and see a parent wrestling with a tantruming 18 month old, all I can think is thank Fck that's not me!*

Perfectly normal, I think like this all the time, not helped after watching call the midwife.

I’m 43, single 4 years, 3 kids and I would love a baby. The breastfeeding, the smell and weight of them, the cuddles.

It’s definitely biology because in reality I’d rather chew my a off and beat myself to death with it

Totally normal. I absolutely don't want to be pregnant, give birth, do potty training, chicken pox etc ever again but I miss the cuddles and the big gummy smiles.

I think you're very smart in that you have already defined the difference. The are a lot of people who confuse the two.

That's why they make babies so adorable, so you'll keep having them. Resist the urge. Of course toy would love the next child, but for all the reasons you've listed, you'll just have to appreciate the slower burn of love for children with minds of their own

This is an interesting and helpful thread. I have a 3yo and a 1yo and veer wildly between “I can’t do this again” and “this can’t be the last time I do this”. But I don’t think I can be the parent I want to be to more children. Also financially and professionally it would be very difficult to have a third. So it’s interesting reading comments from people a few years on

I just remind myself that having a third probably wouldn’t make the broody feelings go away for good, it’s hormones and I’d just feel the same down the line for a fourth but with 3 kids instead of two!

I have three, and feel very lucky and also very “done”. Also I don’t really enjoy the early baby months. And I never want to go through Labour again. And I’m 40. But as my youngest gets ever so slightly easier with age, I still get baby pangs.

But I don’t really want another baby, I just want a slice of my children’s babyhood back again (preferably with the knowledge of “this will pass”). Even with packing clothes away (some of which have been worn by all three), I know the specialness of an outfit is linked to a child in an outfit, rather than the outfit. Tings which I thought were the cutest ever with #1, I barely liked by #3.

I suspect I’ll be exactly like this.
We have a toddler DS and DD due in the next couple of weeks.
I despise pregnancy and have endless complications. I’m honestly thrilled at the thought of never doing it again and both DH and I are certain we just want two (both grew up with one sibling).

I bet when DD stops being a baby I’ll have a huge ‘omg I want another’ even though I know I actually don’t. I just want two. DH is getting the snip though to remove the temptation.

We are biologically programmed to be 'broody' from time to time. Just ignore it, it will pass.

I would like another baby. But when I think about it, this fantasy baby only really entails the endless snuggles, the wonderful smell of their soft head, breastfeeding and watching crap tv all day.

It does not include being up all night feeding said baby, endless nappy changes, baby proofing the house, or planning everything around a nap schedule. Whenever I spend time with friends who have toddlers I find it somewhere between incredibly stressful and incredibly dull.

Yes I'm fighting this at the moment. Youngest is slowly getting easier and in September will be in pre school full time and so I can sort the house out while listening to the glorious silence for a few hours on my days off.

But... would love a girl, for purely unimportant reasons (nice clothes, basically. And actually would like to feel less outnumbered.) And I miss the cuddles and the bit where they can't move or talk and look into your eyes with pure love because they know nothing else.

It's hard but practically it's daft to have number 3, and I have to think of all the reasons not to go for it to quash that feeling.

This is what stopped me from having a third. I loved being pregnant and I love babies, but after that stage it's just hard slog and constant worry and hassle.

Oh gawd you've reminded me I still have to potty training DC 2, the worst part of parenting ever. I'm also not sure I can sing The wheels on the bus much more, even though I sort of love it.

Pregnancy is also far too long. Pelvic floor is shot just doing a few pelvic floor exercises now.

I think it's the fact that DD no longer fits in the baby bodysuits which seem to stop at 18-24 months.

'We are biologically programmed to be 'broody' from time to time. Just ignore it, it will pass.'

Spot in. It definitely will pass. And well done on being smart enough to recognise it for what it is

I went through periods of absolutely aching for a baby, I could barely think of anything else, day after day. I knew however that the reality of parenthood would have driven me insane, so I didn't have any. It was bloody hard to resist at times, but this is a situation when you definitely need to be plugged in to head, rather than heart

I agree Lottopianos, I went through the same and am very glad I let my head rule my heart before I got over the phase.

I'm feeling like that and I only have one.
I love being a Mum but practically I'm not sure I'd want to do it all again.

I'm the absolute opposite. If the stork could bring me a 6m to 1 year old and I got to skip out on the pregnancy and tiny baby (angry potato) stage I would do it in a heartbeat.

I'm sure both are completely normal, it just depends which parts of childhood you enjoy more than others. I had horrible PNA and really struggled with the constant night waking and feeding and then not going back to sleep because I was worried about SIDS. By contrast the toddler/preschooler stage is quite enjoyable for me but then I'm quite lucky to like somewhere that our group activities haven't been stopped this year for covid. If I was stuck in the house all day I'm sure I would have gone round the bend.

High five Maggiesfarm. It's a bloody tough decision x

Oh god completely normal. I'd love another baby. But I don't want another whole actual child! Just a snuggle with a tiny one.

Normal. I’m 44, with two teenagers. I still get enormously broody for the pregnancy and baby stage. It never really left me! But I knew for certain around 10 years ago, when I was doing the primary school run with two little ones, that I NEVER wanted to do that with another child. The relentlessness of young children! No thank you.

I’ve got 1 DD 20 months and as we are old if we wanted a second it’d have to be right now.
I loved pregnancy and get teary when I think about not doing it again but I look at DD and I don’t want another child. We feel complete as a family of 3.
But I think I’ll be broody until menopause.