Fellow single people, how are you coping now? I'm struggling

[Willow79]

I'm late 20s, single & living alone. I was living in another country and came back to the UK about 7 months before lockdown. I had got a good job and was starting to build up my hobbies again before the pandemic.

I've always enjoyed my own company and I've had a few wobbles but mainly been ok. But I've now felt very low and weepy for more than half the week.

Things bothering me

• I have someone to spend time with on the weekend every 2nd weekend. At least 1 weekend is usually spent alone.

• work is stressful & employer doesnt seem to care about mental health. I've brought up difficulties with a customer multiple times but I am still stuck with them. They are demanding and speak to me disrespectfully - I hate putting up with this because in my personal life i never would.

• I cant sleep before 2am, sometimes 3, then I'm up at 8am to work from home all day.

• most of my hobbies are in the arts which remain closed. i am having a zoom session with my group tomorrow but it isnt the same as in person

• I regularly question my decision to move back to the UK and miss my old country.

I went for a walk in the sun tonight & usually that would help a lot. But I started to cry a bit through my sunglasses as I passed all the families and couples. I am also feeling a huge amount of anxiety about turning 30 soon.

Usually I might have a low day but I've felt low most of the week now. Wondering if anyone has tips for coping during times like this?

Bless you, I can imagine how you feel. Until 2 years ago I lived in London, owned my own flat and lived alone. I had a great life, had friends and plans when I wanted them but me time when I didn’t. I can’t imagine how I would have found lockdown had my life not changed beforehand. You need to decide whether you need to speak to someone now about this. We are on our way out, life is returning and you will start to get your balance back. I would however speak to work and tell them once more how this client is impacting you. If they do nothing about it you have a decision to make. There are a lot of caring employers out there atm that appreciate how hard wfh is for many people (full time or in some cases just at all!). I hope you can start to feel better out the opening up, but if not, speak to your doctor about this, you are far from alone

God I thought I had written this. I'm so sorry you're struggling but it's so reassuring to hear someone else like me

I've had the worst week since this whole week began this week. I think the re-opening has made me realise how lonely I am. My close and wider friendship groups are also really settling down- so many babies, engagements and rearranged weddings.

I am also dreading my 30th. I really, really, really do not want to be single then. I know it's irrational but it seems like such a milestone.

I don't know if any of that helps but I feel less alone reading your post

Oh sweetheart. I'm not on my own, I cannot imagine how you have coped through all this on your own. Like pinkcocktails, I find it worse now that things are opening up, but not quite normal. I drove past all the people having a lovely time outside pubs tonight, and really wished I could do that with my family, but I have to wait a little longer, and it's killing me. It feels like the dark before the dawn I think, so you just need to hang on, for just a little longer, and things WILL get better. Meantime, if you need to talk, look for someone to open up to. Ask your GP for counselling, or consider if you have depression. But you are really not alone, it just feels like it for now.

@PinkCocktails oh thanks for commenting! It's nice to hear from someone who is going through something similar.

At work they always ask 'so what are you doing this weekend' and some people seem to have a huge social calendar already. None of my friends are organised enough for babies and marriage yet, but all of my close friends live with a partner. That can be hard sometimes.

I dont think it is irrational because 30 is made into a massive milestone. You think have to have all these things rocked off by a certain age. I feel like it was just yesterday I was starting my life in a new country with my whole 20s in front of me

ticked off*

@pickingdaisies @Jojo19834 I know on a rational level that things are opening up again but I just cant help feeling so low. I've never been so isolated for this length of time.

I had a bath and tuned into an online concert tonight of a new band I like. They said they are going to do a tour of Ireland early next year and my close friend lives there - we have been talking about a trip when we can. It is that sense of having nothing to look forward to as well.

It is a special form of torture for single people.

I have a teen DS living at home and a live out bf who I see twice a week, but for some reason the last week I have felt really.....not depressed as such....just can't be arsed. Meh. I would usually be out on my bike, chatting to friends on the phone, gardening.....I just want to drink and go to sleep

It's been a long slog OP. And it is so much worse when you are hurtling towards 30 and want to 'do things' in your life but find yourself so unnaturally restricted.

Day at a time

all of my close friends live with a partner. That can be hard sometimes.

It changes your relationships with your friends too. My closest group went from going out dancing every week to only meeting every few months. I am so glad that they have found nice partners but watching from the sidelines is so very difficult.

And when you do go out, you want to have time with them, you're not on the pull!

It is a special form of torture for single people haha so true. Op, I'm a bit older than you but I really feel for you, esp. at your age when you want to be doing more.

Re. moving home, don't be too hard on yourself, no one could have predicted Covid, also social distancing is temporary so hopefully restrictions lifting should help.

Since lockdown I've been for three massages when I could go and I honestly have found these really helped with the lack of contact. When I feel down I spend five minutes a few times a week watching silly pick me up videos on You Tube, they just stop me spiralling into any negativity.

Is there something you could do on your alternate weekend?

In the morning try and get out as this helps with melatonin production.

We have the vaccine and are over the worst of it, and you have a whole exciting decade to look forward to!

I know what you mean. It's one thing to know that things will get better, but it doesn't help right now. You feel how you feel, you can't just cheer up on demand. Someone actually said that to me once, "cheer up love, it may never happen" lol
I'm good at emptying my head of intrusive thoughts if I do something like art, or painting a bit of furniture, or gardening. It works for a while. Antidepressants also worked like a charm when I couldn't do it by myself.

Oh, op, been there - it does get better!

The looming 30 as well is dreadful, and the worst bit. Trust me, once you're the other side of that doom-sounding day, the skies are sunny again!

Its completely normal to question your decision to move back when shortly after you started to build a life the whole country retreated indoors. Give it just a little bit more time and you'll be able to pick things up again and it will feel so different, I promise.

One of the worst things about all this is not having things to look forward to, it makes it this lockdown existence feel interminable. Start to plan little things in, it will really help.

Also single, with 3DC. Eldest 2 at my exDPs EOW, youngest is with 100% of the time due to no contact court order with my exH.

Weekends just me and my youngest are miserable, I used to spend them out and about with friends, but not for the last year.

I’m the only single one (I’m 34; most of my friends are older and very happily and long term married), and it’s absolutely shite.

I’ve not had the usual contact with adults I’d have due to being ill with Covid and I’m struggling long term, have to had stop working, slow my PhD studies right down (to the point I’m WFH now with it), so the only adult I see regularly now is ExDP and he pisses me off (he’s really into conspiracy theories and I’m a Scientist...)

You sound like a you’re experiencing a normal reaction to a crap situation, but the insomnia is worrying. I really feel for you, I could have written a similar story of being your age and single. It seems like all the people you see are happy and you’re not, but it’s really not always happier behind closed doors. Planning that trip and having something to look forward to is a great idea. No advice really but with the turning 30 thing I can say I’m much happier in my 40s than I was in my 20s and on the other side of 30 isn’t either sorted or failure, life just continues and can be much better!

I’m in exactly the same position and it sucks so much. It really is a different kind of loneliness and I’ve felt really isolated from the rest of the world at times. Can’t help but feel jealous of others that have a partner to talk to and do fun things with. My resolve is going now and I’m feeling really down and unmotivated. Trying to drag yourself back up is HARD. Sending hugs, we will get through it and things will go back to normal again.

@PinkCocktails yes, you have to take a backseat as the friend in a way.

This morning I logged into instagram and 2 friends had posted their nights with their partners and friends out doing fun things. I think I need to take a break from it.

But it isnt always just friends with partners. My closest friend is miserable with her bf who wont even do things with her.

@MoesBar my heart goes out to you - an ex DP conspiracy theorist when you are a rational thinker must be a nightmare! Sorry to hear you're struggling too x

@TaraR2020 thanks for your kind words - they do help. I feel like everyone else has their ready made lived to go back to.

Whereas I was still building one and I dont have that. I do have a few good friends here and I hope my hobby will start agai , but it is so much harder making friends after a certain age I find

I'm a bit older than you but also single and living alone, and yes it is brutal.

Now that lockdown is easing, can you start making some plans with people to meet up and do fun stuff? My diary is filling up again and it is so nice to have trips to the theatre, gigs etc to look forward to again.

I could have written this! Mid twenties and live alone, finding working from home so lonely and isolating.

I did the same as you last week, went for a walk and just found it so sad, all these couples and families around and I’m on my own, had to come home quickly and mope around.

I also stupidly looked at my ex’s Instagram this week and saw him and his new gf having a weekend away and it really sent me into a spiral.

I moved just before lockdown so haven’t got any really good friends here.

It has to get better!!!!!

Hey OP, I’m late 30’s. I was married at 30 and owned my lovely 3 bed- winning at life, hey?! Well yes, until he left me for someone else 3 years later and I was forced to sell 18 months after buying, basically at a loss. I was single for a while and had to start all over again with life pretty much but i remarried last year and we’re expecting a baby in Autumn. You’ve definitely got time to do the stuff you want to!

Not single but just wanted to say stay away from social media. Lockdown has been awful for us and comparing my experience to all those posts on Facebook/Instagram made me feel so much worse. Delete the apps (you don't have to delete your account) and you stop looking. And don't follow celeb types. Seeing all the freebies pissed me off even more
I'd chat to your friend with a miserable boyfriend. Even if it's a phonecall once a week make it regular contact for you both. It might be that she starts to think stuff it I'll do things with Willow if he won't.
Hopefully your hobby will kick back in soon.
I'd post on the employment bit about your job issues someone hopefully might be able to advise how to tackle it.

I am 30, single and living alone, plus wfh. Its shit. Almost all my friends are living with a partner and the few that arent live about 4 hours away from me. I'm lucky in that my family dont live too far away so they are my bubble but as a 30 year old woman, I hate that the majority of my spare time is spent with my parents. Like you, I'm finding the world opening up again more lonely than actual lockdown. Although I have a few different friends/ friendship groups they all have closer friends/ groups than me. So I'm nobody's first choice to spend time with iyswim. So whilst all my friends are going out and doing things with others, I'm still waiting. I have tried organising but they all have other plans first and it's hard to get them to commit. I completely get the turning 30 worry. I was absolutely dreading it. As it happened we had just gone back into lockdown at the time of my birthday late last year, so any hopes of doing anything were taken away from me. I think that actually made it easier in a way.

This year has been undoubtedly awful for everyone regardless of circumstances but I do feel that those living alone have been forgotten about on a whole other level. My friends in particular seem to have forgotten that whilst they have partners they have been lucky enough to spend this time with, we haven't all been that lucky. It's actually made me reevaluate some friendships. I think I need new friends, but it's hard enough to make them as an adult as it is, nevermind in the middle of a pandemic.

Plus theres the whole worry about being single and 30 anyway, and your biological clock ticking (if you want children, I do).

You're not alone OP.

So much solidarity! Basically the only people I see are my parents 🙃 lucky to have them nearby etc but at 25 it’s not what I envisaged.

Really resonates what you said about being no ones first choice friend, everyone is either far away or with closer friends.

@Noooooogsh

So much solidarity! Basically the only people I see are my parents 🙃 lucky to have them nearby etc but at 25 it’s not what I envisaged.

Really resonates what you said about being no ones first choice friend, everyone is either far away or with closer friends.

That was in response to @Oneinamelon 🤦‍♀️

It has been a very hard year. My friends in relationships or marriages don't understand at all, which intensifies the loneliness, but even if they have empathy there's not much they can do.

All my hobbies have been cancelled for most of the last year due to covid. Feel like I'm wasting my life and I'm envious of people who have it all.