Fellow single people, how are you coping now? I'm struggling

[Willow79]

I'm late 20s, single & living alone. I was living in another country and came back to the UK about 7 months before lockdown. I had got a good job and was starting to build up my hobbies again before the pandemic.

I've always enjoyed my own company and I've had a few wobbles but mainly been ok. But I've now felt very low and weepy for more than half the week.

Things bothering me

• I have someone to spend time with on the weekend every 2nd weekend. At least 1 weekend is usually spent alone.

• work is stressful & employer doesnt seem to care about mental health. I've brought up difficulties with a customer multiple times but I am still stuck with them. They are demanding and speak to me disrespectfully - I hate putting up with this because in my personal life i never would.

• I cant sleep before 2am, sometimes 3, then I'm up at 8am to work from home all day.

• most of my hobbies are in the arts which remain closed. i am having a zoom session with my group tomorrow but it isnt the same as in person

• I regularly question my decision to move back to the UK and miss my old country.

I went for a walk in the sun tonight & usually that would help a lot. But I started to cry a bit through my sunglasses as I passed all the families and couples. I am also feeling a huge amount of anxiety about turning 30 soon.

Usually I might have a low day but I've felt low most of the week now. Wondering if anyone has tips for coping during times like this?

I'm finding it hard, seeing recently on social media people coupling up or going on dates and I cant help but feel bitter about being single. I love my kids and have close friends but it isn't the same and definitely harder with the covid restrictions. Its hard to not feel like something is lacking.

Just wanted to add my sympathy and agreement to this. I'm 34 and desperately want kids (going through egg freezing although so far unsuccessfully) and I've really struggled this year being single and feeling time was being wasted.

I could have almost written your post too and I don't think a lot of people in relationships/families truly understand because we've never lived through anything like this before so they have no idea what it would be like to live alone through this. Sadly I've also developed anxiety which I've realised ties in a lot to worries about things like catching Covid and having to isolate on my own.. Most of my friends aren't nearby and or course my work colleagues aren't going in to work.

However, I do find things are improving now for me.. I've started dating again and I've also started using Bumble BFF for trying to make new female friends who live locally as I imagine my life will never go back to normal like with 5 days in the office. I've been fortunate to have good friends-a handful at least who I can call on for a zoom or call which helps and I've actually found at least one who's been really struggling too despite being married with a child.

I would try to focus on the positives and what you CAN change or enjoy now. I'm not trying to be trite but honestly that's one of the biggest things that's helped me-realising that the more I focus on the negatives and how bad I feel, the worse it becomes (and for me that leads to physical anxiety symptoms etc). Can you specifically try and book in something with your closest friend to look forward to? Or zoom calls even or travel to see a friend on the weekends when youre free? Would it help to go back into the office if anyone at all is doing so? We had a skeleton staff in the office and I asked to be let back in for wellbeing reasons and even seeing a handful of different people and having a routine helped a bit. Not sure if this applies/is possible for your job. The Bumble BFF thing might work for meeting women. I live in London so it may be different where you live for the number of women you'd find something in common with on there but I've found one girl I really click with and another I've met and another to meet soon.

I also recommend the Calm app for sleeping and try their sleep stories. For the Love of Jazz gets me off to sleep usually :)

I'm 39, single, childless. While I do like my own company its also really shit. I don't have any hobbies and whilst I do have friends, they either have a partner or prioritise each other/other friends over me. It seems to be always me seeking a met up and the like. Does nothing for the self esteem.

I also hate seeing families and couples out and about and I'm the sad sack going for yet another solo walk. I want a partner but hate OLD, and I've put on weight in lockdown so feel horrible.

Barrel of laughs me!

I hate the supermarket most of all bloody meals for one.

The weekend is coming to an end now and I still feel a cloud hanging over me although there have been some ok moments. I went to an important health appointment & did an online live show with my old group from in person times. This gave me a huge lift for a couple of hours - I really miss them all.

As things start to open up, I feel it's becoming a competition to show who is having the best time. Both from single friends and partnered! I post the occasional thing on social media so people know I'm alive but even when I am busy have never been one to post very often.

I'm very anxious about work tomorrow as I checked my email and saw the difficult customer had sent a patronising angry email. I think I will need to tell my manager how stressful I am finding it - I dont like looking weak is my issue but it is affecting my mental health.

I know @PinkCocktails, I avoid being seen buying them! The world isnt made for single people for the most part imo.

[quote Willow79]@TaraR2020 thanks for your kind words - they do help. I feel like everyone else has their ready made lived to go back to.

Whereas I was still building one and I dont have that. I do have a few good friends here and I hope my hobby will start agai , but it is so much harder making friends after a certain age I find[/quote]
I'm willing to bet that by this time next year things will have changed so much for you (barring, of course, another year of lockdowns )

There are so many people, in you area alone, who will be in the same situation- I've moved a few times over the last few years and found this to be true wherever I go, the trick is finding them and you will :)

During this pandemic I found myself post redundancy without a job, have had to move in with family cos I was struggling to afford the rent...it feels like in just a few months, years of life-building have gone out the window. I get down about it some days but know that as soon my job hunting is successful I'll be off again - only this time, most of the country is in a similar position.