Angry rude 10 year old who then dissolves into tears and feeling bad

[GoldRhino]

In need of some advice.

My 10 year old is very sensitive but can explode, says things he shouldn’t and then bawls his eyes out when he gets told off. I don’t know how to handle it!

Example: today we were in the park with some friends and he came to me and said he was thirsty. I said ok we are just going, your bottle is in the car. He got into a massive strop even though I said we were just going, had a face like thunder and said ‘I’m so bloody thirsty’ (he knows he’s not allowed to swear). We walked back to the car and he ignored all the others which was really embarrassing and rude and would barely say goodbye. Then when I told him off in the car he cried his eyes out and said ‘I’m such an awful person’ and suchlike.

A few hours later and we are still hunting for his missing glasses. He always leaves them around the house and I’m forever saying don’t leave your glasses on the floor/ pick them up/ make sure you know where they are. Dh says to him that if they don’t turn up that he will have to put some of his pocket money towards a new pair, in a bid to get him to take care of his things. Ds explodes, calls dh an idiot and tells me I’ve got a small brain. He then cries again five minutes later feeling awful.

He is such a Jekyll and Hyde character, and so hard to deal with. He can be so sweet and caring and then other times so rude and angry.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Moondust001]

I'm going to say something slightly out of step here. There may be reasons (SEN, low self-esteem etc., etc) why he acts like this. There may not be. You should certainly explore any possible issues. But even if there is an underlying issue, that does not excuse bad behaviour and his behaviour is unacceptable. Later tears and excuses don't change that.

When people post about their partner acting the same way, then the majority opinion is LTB - we don't spend ages digging into what good reasons they may have for abusive behaviour, and we don't accept that a sorry after the event is meaningful. And before anyone shouts me down, yes, I know this is a 10 year old child. But how do adults learn to behave appropriately if we always have an excuse to let children behave that way?

Ten is still young, but the OP says that abusive language and meltdowns are commonplace and always have been. If the current sanctions aren't working - and they clearly aren't, then the sanctions need to be better. Ten now - but it won't be long until he is 16, 18, 23. At what stage is this behaviour not acceptable? At what stage do we stop looking for excuses and say that enough is enough?

Yes, if there is something underlying this, then seek help or confirmation as parents. But that doesn't mean that you should tolerate it. A "good reason" for being abusive is never a good enough reason.