Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

has actually friendships come from mumsnet?

126 replies

KirstyT79 · 04/05/2021 17:00

hello. i was thinking about this. has anyone posted for advice on here and actually made a good friend or soulmate?. we are all using made up names with no photo, for me i decided to have a johnny cash moment. i am a man actually, but i have always said if i had a daughter i would call her kirsty as i liked the name. so i chose it as a user name for MN. but who hs broke away from mn world and actually met up together in the real world? i am curous.

OP posts:
CuntAmongstThePigeons · 05/05/2021 20:48

Yeah I've met some amazing women from Mumsnet when I've attended women's rights events.

BIWI · 06/05/2021 09:20

@HartstonesMustard there did, indeed, used to be an annual Christmas meet-up in London (and I think various other cities too). I also joined back in 2006, and it was definitely a different place then, simply because it was much smaller. That, plus much less name-changing, meant that you really did feel that you were getting to know people.

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2021 09:28

I think I joined at the tail end of all that @BIWI.
I could log in and see posters I recognised and knew a bit about what they liked to talk about. It was quite cosy. Having a meet up seemed a really nice idea.
It’s just not like that now, it’s huge and I’m not sure it would be safe.

EBearhug · 06/05/2021 09:40

I don't see how it would be any less safe than going to any big public venue, like a conference or something. Yes, there's a risk of weirdos, but so there is (probably more so) of meeting someone 1:1 through OLD or something, which us why you're advised to meet in a public place, let friends know where you're going and so on. If there's a large group meeting, then there's a strong chance that the majority will be reasonable people, so it would actually be safer.

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2021 09:43

@EBearhug

I don't see how it would be any less safe than going to any big public venue, like a conference or something. Yes, there's a risk of weirdos, but so there is (probably more so) of meeting someone 1:1 through OLD or something, which us why you're advised to meet in a public place, let friends know where you're going and so on. If there's a large group meeting, then there's a strong chance that the majority will be reasonable people, so it would actually be safer.
I just wouldn’t do it. This place is too big and people aren’t what or who they seem. Not because I think I’m going to be attacked or murdered particularly. Grin
BIWI · 06/05/2021 09:52

@Sparklingbrook @EBearhug

This place is too big and people aren’t what or who they seem

Even before it got bigger, this was what led to me backing right away from meet-ups. There was a huge furore about someone I'd met up with several times, and lots of accusations about money being stolen, people being defrauded of money - as I 'knew' both sides, I didn't really know who or what to believe, but this was what made me realise that no matter how friendly people seemed to be, you never really do know much about someone that you've only ever talked with previously online.

SarahAndQuack · 06/05/2021 09:54

I think it'd be perfectly safe to meet up - the risk would be embarrassment. Back in the day you could meet a group of people and be reasonably sure there would be at least one person who, it turned out, you genuinely had got to know well enough that you could have a good chat. And if the other four turned out to be totally different from what you expected/absolutely nuts/tories, you just got on with chatting to that one person.

I don't think you get that level of familiarity with people any more. But then, back when I joined people were sighing nostalgically for the Good Old Days, so I'm sure somewhere in a sub forum of MN there's a group of people on the verge of making lifelong friendships and wondering why we boring oldies are grouching.

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2021 10:06

I agree @SarahAndQuack. The risks are more personal than anything. Not physical ones although there might be axe murderers on here, there are some angry posters. Shock

EBearhug · 06/05/2021 10:17

There was a huge furore about someone I'd met up with several times

But that could also happen with meeting people in the PTA or WI or at the swimming pool. However you meet people, you learn to trust them or not, and sometimes we will get it wrong. I don't think the format changes that, and you have to keep your wits about you anyway.

OTOH, even if there was some way of guaranteeing absolutely everyone was totally reliable in all ways, there would still be some who would choose not to meet, which is fine.

But in modern society, we tend to meet a far wider range of people for all sorts of reasons, so you can't expect to be able to check with Aunt Nora's colleague's next neighbour's mate who used to play darts with the person you just met, that they're okay (well, you probably still can in the village my sister lives in...) And people have found friends who turn out to be false, liars, scammers and so on, throughout history, so for me, the method of meeting doesn't change that. But we do have to meet people somehow, else it's a very lonely life ahead, and there are good people well as bad out there, so it's just a personal choice about where you take your risks.

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2021 10:23

@EBearhug

There was a huge furore about someone I'd met up with several times

But that could also happen with meeting people in the PTA or WI or at the swimming pool. However you meet people, you learn to trust them or not, and sometimes we will get it wrong. I don't think the format changes that, and you have to keep your wits about you anyway.

OTOH, even if there was some way of guaranteeing absolutely everyone was totally reliable in all ways, there would still be some who would choose not to meet, which is fine.

But in modern society, we tend to meet a far wider range of people for all sorts of reasons, so you can't expect to be able to check with Aunt Nora's colleague's next neighbour's mate who used to play darts with the person you just met, that they're okay (well, you probably still can in the village my sister lives in...) And people have found friends who turn out to be false, liars, scammers and so on, throughout history, so for me, the method of meeting doesn't change that. But we do have to meet people somehow, else it's a very lonely life ahead, and there are good people well as bad out there, so it's just a personal choice about where you take your risks.

Absolutely personal choice. I won’t be meeting up with anyone on MN, good luck to anyone who wants to.
BIWI · 06/05/2021 10:42

@EBearhug

But that could also happen with meeting people in the PTA or WI or at the swimming pool. However you meet people, you learn to trust them or not, and sometimes we will get it wrong. I don't think the format changes that, and you have to keep your wits about you anyway

That's absolutely true, and very sound advice! But I think the danger of online conversations is that you think you've got to know someone much more than you have, in reality.

It was a good lesson for me, anyway. I'm much less trusting now, and am much more less likely to take part in a meet-up as a result.

BIWI · 06/05/2021 10:43

much more less likely WTF?! Much less likely, obviously!

HerRoyalRisesAgain · 06/05/2021 10:52

My best friend I met through MN. We spoke for ages on here, added each other on social media and now she's like a sister to me. I dont know what I'd do without her.

I also have other friends that have me on other SM that I know because of MN. They're all amazing.

FlibbertyGiblets · 06/05/2021 10:59

I am an old-tymer and have other old-tymers on facebook. Wouldn't be doing that nowadays, giving name out to someone with a neat line in wit, or humour, who tickled me so to speak.
It was so much smaller, when all round here was fields (in fact there WAS camping; hahaha)

lockdownwithwhoresdrawers · 06/05/2021 11:12

I did go to a Mumsnet meet up once, in 2019. I introduced myself by asking if I was joining the vipers nest Grin just to be sure!

BearSoFair · 06/05/2021 11:48

I haven't made real/in-person friends from MN but definitely have from Twitter and Facebook groups. Two of my closest friends are people I initially started talking to online.

SarahAndQuack · 06/05/2021 11:57

I think @EBearhug is right that people you meet in RL could be just as much of a problem and we're probably not sufficiently wary about that.

I've just come off a zoom meeting with a MNer who is currently trying to help me get a job with her very prestigious and lovely colleagues, so I can work on things we used to discuss on the feminism boards, back when the feminism boards were a new thing. How's that for real life/MN intersection?

SarahAndQuack · 06/05/2021 11:59

Also, this thread has made me realise that it was MN that really honed my spider senses about dodgy men. I am much quicker than my non-MN friends to notice when some bloke is doing the 'I'm so innocent, me, just asking innocent genuine questions' act.

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2021 14:31

It's made me wonder how many other men are on here with girl's names.

EmpressWitchDoesntBurn · 06/05/2021 14:34

@Sparklingbrook

It's made me wonder how many other men are on here with girl's names.
That's one of those questions that could get you in really big trouble if someone noticed you asking it in FWR.....
24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed · 06/05/2021 14:38

I joined a group of women from here onto facebook and now we have been speaking for over two years and am finally going to meet them at one of their weddings this year.

Shmithecat2 · 06/05/2021 14:45

Yes - from a baby bus MN thread, we joined a secret Facebook group, going for 6 years+ now. We have small meets, big meet etc. I've made true friends through MN.

LasagneQueen · 06/05/2021 14:46

@Sparklingbrook

It's made me wonder how many other men are on here with girl's names.
If it helps of the two I've communicated with, one was obviously a bloke and the other wasn't although it was very clear from his posts (and even moreso from the PMs Hmm)
GappyValley · 06/05/2021 14:47

@Sparklingbrook

It's made me wonder how many other men are on here with girl's names.
Men almost always have different syntax and sentence structure, which can be spotted fairly easily.

I don’t think a man could be a very prolific poster without either trying very very hard to alter their posts to look like a woman is writing them, or being spotted by women in here that it’s a man posting...

Sparklingbrook · 06/05/2021 14:48

@EmpressWitchDoesntBurn I have FWR hidden. No danger of that.

I did have a PM on here from a man a few years ago. Very unsettling.

Swipe left for the next trending thread