Gender disappointment

[redlane]

I can't talk to anyone about this in real life so I'm posting anonymously in hope of so advice on how to get over this. This is our first baby, I always loved the idea of a girl but genuinely didn't think I would mind if it was a boy. 2 girls would of been the ultimate dream. I have a brother and we never got on growing up and still don't and I always envied friends with sisters.

Everyone assumed it would be a girl aswell which had me starting to believe it. Had a private scan a few days ago and it was pretty obvious before the sonographer said that it was a boy. I wasn't prepared to feel the way I did. I tried to hide my disappointment but think I done a poor job. Couldn't wait to get out of there and sobbed all the way home and went to bed for the rest of the day. I just can't seem to shake it. I've none stop sobbed all morning again. I feel terrible but I can't help the way I feel.

Everyone around me seems so be having baby girls and I'm also on a Facebook group where the majority of people are having baby girls and they're all talking about how amazing girls are which is killing me. I feel like I'm grieving. DP doesn't understand, he is over the moon. I want to feel positive and happy about it but I just feel a little bit broken at the moment. Would be grateful for any advice/experiences. I know I'm being unreasonable and I should be grateful to be having a baby but I really can't help how I feel and I want to change that.

You’ve had your cry, you’ve wallowed, now pull yourself together. No tragedy has happened, you haven’t lost your baby, baby has not been diagnosed with something awful. You are going to be a mum - which is what you wanted remember.
You are going to really upset and worry your Dh if you carry on like this.

I paid for a private scan and discovered I was having a boy and was disappointed. After the first few days of sleep deprived exhausted baby blues, I loved him more than anything I ever have. He's in secondary school now and I wouldn't trade him for 10000 girls. You'll love your boy.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I must admit I struggle to empathise with the gender disappointment. Babies are humans with their own right and are not here to fulfil anyone's "ultimate dreams".

I am estranged from my own DM because she had so many expectations on me and couldn't understand nor accept that I was my own person with my own desires, ambitions and opinions. All of her expectations were heavily based around the gender.

As a PP said, having a boy has opened up a whole new world to me. I love both of them so much and enjoy their company. I feel very thankful that I've had a chance to experienced motherhood.

I totally get being disappointed but I don't think crying on the car is a proportionate response to having a boy, unless your a haemophilia carrier or something.

I preferred to have a girl and do all the girly things having had 5 brothers so I understand. But we all know the odds. In future maybe don't opt to find out, if it is going to upset you.

I'm sure when he's born you won't care at all, you'll just be happy to meet him

My first pregnancy ended when he died in the womb. My second my DD. My thurs miscarried my 4th a boy. I was just so grateful that I had two healthy babies.

And there's nothing like the love you feel for a cute little boy. Their buns are to die for. And their cuddliness.

At the moment your idea of you child is just an idea. You're imagining what it's like but it's nothing like how you feel for a brother or sister. When they are born they are your blood and guts, your heart and soul. You will love your little bit more than anything.

OP I have always seen myself with a girl, I was really worried about not knowing what to or how to be with a boy. I found out I was having a boy and I won't lie, I was disappointed and a little part of me felt sad and envious when friends had girls confirmed on scans.

But I can tell you now, I would not swap my little boy for anyone or anything. He is the most cuddly, loving, fun, engaging boy and I love him more than words can describe. All of my fears and worries melted away and when I look at him I just see MY boy. He is 2.5 now.

I just wanted to say that your sadness is something you should totally acknowledge but try not to let it ruin your pregnancy and take control.

Best of luck with your pregnancy :)