Suddenly traumatised

ABC123namechange · 2021-05-02T18:17:07+00:00

In 2009 me, my husband and two children went to Eurodisney. We went to the pool and for some reason my four year old bolted from my side and jumped in the water. It was so busy and loud that I didn't notice he had done this, and it was not like him at all to bolt off. I think it was maternal instinct that made me notice him struggling under the water. I ran in and scooped him out and didn't think much of it at the time. He is now 16 and for some reason this past week images of that incident keep coming to my mind. I keep thinking that he could have died. At the time we just carried on and I don't remember being upset. I think we even carried on swimming etc. For some reason this week it keeps coming to my mind and I can't stop thinking that he could have died. He never ran off like that. The pool was ridiculously busy so it was a miracle I noticed him when I didn't even know he was missing. The weirdest thing is that he could swim so I have no idea why he was drowning. Today my now ex- husband brought some old photographs of me and in amongst them was tickets from the Eurostar for that trip. So that's made me even more paranoid. Why am I suddenly thinking about that near-disaster 11 years later when I brushed it off at the time? And why have the Eurostar tickets suddenly been given to me? I feel really stressed and upset about it (,and did even before ex gave me the tickets).

picturesandpickles · 02/05/2021 19:20

for you, how horrid.

Past trauma/fear can just come up. It could be that the fact he is sixteen means something - you won't be by his side forever? Or just that you are now in a space to think it through?

I have a trauma to do with one of my children and even though it all worked out fine it does sometimes come back.

If it doesn't settle down then some counselling might help? For now I would try to talk to someone about it, rather than try to push the thoughts away.

Original poster

ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 19:24

Thanks so much @picturesandpickles
I am thinking of counseling because the thoughts are really intrusive. I don't understand why this is happening 11 years later

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Original poster

ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 19:24

When I was fine when it happened

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Aprilshowersandhail · 02/05/2021 19:34

At a fortnight old my ds caught whooping cough and almost died.. At 4 he also had a pool incident fell through a tyre ring and was stuck under water - nobody noticed but me and I was pregnant - jumped into the pool and dragged him out... At 18 he had a burst appendix and was lucky he made it to surgery..
That kid will be the death of ME mentally!
I sympathise op.. I feel some parenting scenarios are absolutely sent to test us... Hug your dc and be grateful.. And move on.

Lululu22 · 02/05/2021 19:34

Oh my, I get that. When my youngest was maybe 4 we went to a well known tourist attraction. There was a steep climb to a lookout tower and I collapsed at the top to catch my breath whilst DH took the kids outside. A few mins later I went out to see him looking through telescopes with the two eldest whilst the youngest were at the other side and one had climbed up onto the top of the bloody turret where they were, thankfully, kneeling. I whipped them down but when I looked, there was no guard rail and a drop of around 4 floors to the city street below. There were staff out there but it was packed and no-one had noticed. Anyway, I should have been out there. Even now, ten years later, it brings me out in a cold sweat and makes my heart pound. I dread to think what could have happened.

Counselling sounds like a good idea if it’s on your mind but I can understand how the tickets triggered the memory.

Namechangedforthistoday · 02/05/2021 19:34

Just a theory on my part but with ds growing up and heading towards adulthood you are scared that this might not have happened. You are also probably aware that the older and more independent he gets you are not always within arms reach to save him if and when things go wrong(day to day things rather than the life threatening example you gave)
In general, if you are already feeling vulnerable even if for completely unrelated reasons you may be more susceptible to intrusive thoughts appearing at random and seemingly out of nowhere.
I think it’s worth seeing someone to explore the incident and other issues you may be experiencing as both you and ds start the next chapter in your lives.

Wishingwell75 · 02/05/2021 19:38

But were you really fine when it happened or just on auto pilot or in shock and you just carried on because you didn't have the emotional space to process it? A traumatic experience happened to my youngest and at the time I had to calm the rest of the family down, attend to my child, get to hospital, take in what the doctor's told me etc. Thankfully everything was fine but last year I kept going over it in my mind, it became quite intrusive. I had to tell myself it was an accident that I couldn't have prevented because I wasn't even there when it occurred but that I then did everything I could. Just like you did. I think these things just get buried because it's not possible to process them immediately. By all means talk to someone if it continues, that sounds like a good idea. But your boy is fine, your instincts kicked in and you saved him. Everything is ok.

Original poster

ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 19:44

@Aprilshowersandhail what nightmares! I guess we can't keep dwelling on these what ifs or we'll go mad! I absolutely need to focus on gratitude and whatever comes up think that I'm just so grateful to have him here.

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ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 19:46

Oh god, @Lululu22
Your story reminds me of Eric Clapton's song for his son who fell out of a window. 😥
Life is so precious and things can change in a split second. Thank god your kids were ok.

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ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 19:48

@Namechangedforthistoday

Just a theory on my part but with ds growing up and heading towards adulthood you are scared that this might not have happened. You are also probably aware that the older and more independent he gets you are not always within arms reach to save him if and when things go wrong(day to day things rather than the life threatening example you gave) In general, if you are already feeling vulnerable even if for completely unrelated reasons you may be more susceptible to intrusive thoughts appearing at random and seemingly out of nowhere. I think it’s worth seeing someone to explore the incident and other issues you may be experiencing as both you and ds start the next chapter in your lives.

I definitely will do. I'm thinking about it several times a day. So strange when I brushed it off at the time. I wonder if it's because when they're young you're consumed with keeping them safe every second of the day, but now they're quite independent I have time to think?

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user1471453601 · 02/05/2021 19:49

My DD launched herself off the sofa i safely (so I thought) laid her on, cushions around so she couldn't (so I thought) fall off, and anyway she wasn't really that mobile (so I thought), while I dashed into the kitchen to get her feed. She landed on her head, has to go to hospital for xrays ( I was in such a state, I was the only one of us that was given a medication).

That was nearly 50 years ago. I still get occasional flash backs, I just had one typing this.

So, in light of my experience, id say your delayed reaction is completely normal

MatthewHBpig · 02/05/2021 19:49

Your post sent shivers down my spine. Something is likely to be provoking emotional memory and therefore flashbacks. The tickets thing is a we weird coincidence.

Could you have heard music from that time or a perfume you wore back there?

Minds are amazing and often file things away when they aren't able to process them... it could be it's the right time to talk it through, process it and put it to bed.

I'm sorry this happened. It must have been terrifying

MatthewHBpig · 02/05/2021 19:50

Look at EMDR

it's very effective and processing single traumas over short periods of time.

Original poster

ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 19:50

@Wishingwell75

But were you really fine when it happened or just on auto pilot or in shock and you just carried on because you didn't have the emotional space to process it? A traumatic experience happened to my youngest and at the time I had to calm the rest of the family down, attend to my child, get to hospital, take in what the doctor's told me etc. Thankfully everything was fine but last year I kept going over it in my mind, it became quite intrusive. I had to tell myself it was an accident that I couldn't have prevented because I wasn't even there when it occurred but that I then did everything I could. Just like you did. I think these things just get buried because it's not possible to process them immediately. By all means talk to someone if it continues, that sounds like a good idea. But your boy is fine, your instincts kicked in and you saved him. Everything is ok.

Your post has made me feel calmer. Thank you.

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ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 19:52

@user1471453601

My DD launched herself off the sofa i safely (so I thought) laid her on, cushions around so she couldn't (so I thought) fall off, and anyway she wasn't really that mobile (so I thought), while I dashed into the kitchen to get her feed. She landed on her head, has to go to hospital for xrays ( I was in such a state, I was the only one of us that was given a medication).

That was nearly 50 years ago. I still get occasional flash backs, I just had one typing this.

So, in light of my experience, id say your delayed reaction is completely normal

Oh god, I'll still be thinking about this in 40 years?!😫

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ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 19:54

@MatthewHBpig

Your post sent shivers down my spine. Something is likely to be provoking emotional memory and therefore flashbacks. The tickets thing is a we weird coincidence.

Could you have heard music from that time or a perfume you wore back there?

Minds are amazing and often file things away when they aren't able to process them... it could be it's the right time to talk it through, process it and put it to bed.

I'm sorry this happened. It must have been terrifying

You've just made me think! I watched a TV series this week where a baby got killed. It must have made me think how I'd feel if I lost a child. I actually feel relief now. That's got to be it!

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ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 19:55

@MatthewHBpig

Look at EMDR

it's very effective and processing single traumas over short periods of time.

Thank you for the tip. I will do.

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LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 02/05/2021 19:57

We had a very similar incident when DS was 2. And I have had ALL the therapy for that and a lot of other things. Three things helped. One was that as we hauled him out of the pool, he spluttered ‘you rescued me...’ because that’s how he saw it. I did think ‘uh, we shouldn’t have had to...’ but that wasn’t the point to him and it shouldn’t have been to us either. The other thing that one therapist said to me that comforts me enormously is ‘what IS, not what IF...’ Essentially you are panicking because you keep thinking ‘what if x had happened’ but it didn’t and you can stop your thought process there. I should actually probably get that tattooed on me... Ok, final thing that helped... thinking about all the near misses that seemed like a perfectly normal part of childhood to me until I became a parent myself and went a bit nuts... The careless burns, bolts towards busy roads, falls out of trees and off bicycles, the time I nearly drowned under a swim float at a pool party... but I didn’t!!

Original poster

ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 20:02

Is the ticket thing really a coincidence? I am into The Secret etc so it has really worried me why in the same week these memories resurface I get given the tickets.

Then again if I really believe in The Secret it makes sense. But a part of me is worried it's a warning.

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ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 20:07

Thank you @LorelaiVictoriaGilmore
I actually had another near-miss with my older son and for some reason I don't dwell on that. I seem to believe that it never would have happened.

That's amazing that your son said that. At his age too! 😊

You're right.. I had lots of near-misses as a child but don't care/dwell on those. It's when it's your child that your mind goes crazy

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coronafiona · 02/05/2021 20:09

My DD had cancer. I saved her life on 4 separate occasions from the truly terrifying nursing 'care' she received. I will never get over it and regularly have flashbacks.

Miljea · 02/05/2021 20:15

I don't know about 'The Secret', sorry.

But, aged all most 4, DS1 almost silently drowned in front of us.

DH, me and DBIL were in a private family pool, with masks on, scrubbing the walls underwater, in the deep end, to clean them.

DS was mid chest deep in the shallow end, watched by grandma. But the floor sloped gently, so every time he jumped up, bouncing up and down, he'd land a tiny bit deeper. I surfaced, turned and saw him only nose and mouth above water, centimetres from drowning. Silently.

I was able to swim up and pull him to safety in seconds. He was fine, untraumatised. I was relieved.

I later thought 'What if?...' but immediately countered it with 'Yes, but that 'if' didn't happen. We're fine (if wiser)'.

So, I don't want to trivialise your feelings, now, but- would it help to recognise that A Really Bad Thing might Have Happened- but didn't?

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ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 20:15

@coronafiona
I can't even

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ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 20:17

@Miljea

I don't know about 'The Secret', sorry.

But, aged all most 4, DS1 almost silently drowned in front of us.

DH, me and DBIL were in a private family pool, with masks on, scrubbing the walls underwater, in the deep end, to clean them.

DS was mid chest deep in the shallow end, watched by grandma. But the floor sloped gently, so every time he jumped up, bouncing up and down, he'd land a tiny bit deeper. I surfaced, turned and saw him only nose and mouth above water, centimetres from drowning. Silently.

I was able to swim up and pull him to safety in seconds. He was fine, untraumatised. I was relieved.

I later thought 'What if?...' but immediately countered it with 'Yes, but that 'if' didn't happen. We're fine (if wiser)'.

So, I don't want to trivialise your feelings, now, but- would it help to recognise that A Really Bad Thing might Have Happened- but didn't?

The silent way people drown really freaks me out. He didn't look distressed He was calmly waving Nobody around him would have known It's so upsetting

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Original poster

ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 20:18

My thread is upsetting me now. I think I might have to leave it

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