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Original poster

Suddenly traumatised

46 replies

ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 19:17

In 2009 me, my husband and two children went to Eurodisney. We went to the pool and for some reason my four year old bolted from my side and jumped in the water. It was so busy and loud that I didn't notice he had done this, and it was not like him at all to bolt off. I think it was maternal instinct that made me notice him struggling under the water. I ran in and scooped him out and didn't think much of it at the time.

He is now 16 and for some reason this past week images of that incident keep coming to my mind. I keep thinking that he could have died. At the time we just carried on and I don't remember being upset. I think we even carried on swimming etc.

For some reason this week it keeps coming to my mind and I can't stop thinking that he could have died.

He never ran off like that. The pool was ridiculously busy so it was a miracle I noticed him when I didn't even know he was missing. The weirdest thing is that he could swim so I have no idea why he was drowning.

Today my now ex- husband brought some old photographs of me and in amongst them was tickets from the Eurostar for that trip. So that's made me even more paranoid.

Why am I suddenly thinking about that near-disaster 11 years later when I brushed it off at the time? And why have the Eurostar tickets suddenly been given to me?

I feel really stressed and upset about it (,and did even before ex gave me the tickets).

OP posts:

mineofuselessinformation · 02/05/2021 20:19

This has brought back memories of DC1, age three, when we were on holiday.
We had just been swimming, about to go off to do something else, so all dried and dressed.
DC took it into their head to jump into the deep end of the pool.
The only thing I could reach to grasp on to was their (thankfully long) hair, to bring them up enough so I could reach to grab on to them.
It's still something that comes back to me now and then, over twenty years on.

If it's not a simple 'thank goodness everything was alright' kind of memory, it might be worth exploring some counselling to help you process it.

Miljea · 02/05/2021 20:27

But- how about 'It could have- but it didn't....?' We live to fight another day. What nearly happened, but didn't - is in the past. We can't change it. Sure, we learned from it.

But we must move on. Don't let your mind trap you into 'ifs', long-gone 'ifs'- but if you can't, I'd agree, some talking therapy might be in order.

For fear of using a potentially triggering and possibly crass analogy, it was 'a bullet dodged'.

Original poster

ABC123namechange · 02/05/2021 20:29

Thank you @mineofuselessinformation
It's terrifying. It's actually comforting to know that others feel like I am years later. I do now think it's because of the programme I watched this week where a baby was killed. I'm so glad I started this thread, because it's made me realise why it's in my mind and it's not some sign from the universe that something bad is about to happen when put together with the Eurostar tickets appearing. Thank God.

But I'm going to take this opportunity to be super- thankful for my children and life

Thank you so much to everybody that replied to me. I think I replied to everyone. If I didn't please know I just missed your post. I will go back over them later but for now I'm going to have a glass of wine and try to get it all out of my mind and relax.

OP posts:

TillyTopper · 02/05/2021 20:39

My DS is 19. When he was 6 months old I was carrying him down the stairs and slipped and dropped him. We took him to hospital and he was thoroughly checked and they checked us out as they didn't seem to fully believe that I'd slipped. I still get flashbacks. Really I'd have thought I'd be over it by now - but it still takes me by surprise. What you are going through is not unusual - but I am sure talking it through will help you.

user1471453601 · 02/05/2021 20:48

@ABC123namechange, yes that memory is still with me, but I get long periods when I don't think about it. And when I do (like when I read your opening post), as others have said, I think "yes, something really bad could had happened, but it didn't she's well, and day in the room next door.

I think the trauma I go to is my trauma, not hers. I doubt she can remember it.

As others have said, I now say to myself, well, yes, something bad could have happened but it didnt, so go away, troubling voice.

Because that voice, taking me back to how I felt (not how my infant child felt) serves no useful purpose at all

ShrinkingViolet9 · 02/05/2021 20:49

@ABC123namechange

Is the ticket thing really a coincidence? I am into The Secret etc so it has really worried me why in the same week these memories resurface I get given the tickets.

Then again if I really believe in The Secret it makes sense. But a part of me is worried it's a warning.

The Secret is nonsense.

IEat · 02/05/2021 20:55

Went to Crete DS was 4, swimming had a slope, shallow end to deep end ... no signs to say it sloped. He went in shallow end, I was taking off my shoes and he slipped down the slope! Panicked. I ran in dress and all and got him . But it scared me 20 years on it’s one of those what if moments

cptartapp · 02/05/2021 20:58

DS2 when about two or theee, toddled down some steps without armbands into a swimming pool in Menorca. I was on the same steps but the other side of a railing and had to get out and run right the way round to retrieve him. He was well under by then. Was fine.
I occasionally think about it.

BeautifulandWilfulandDead · 02/05/2021 21:09

I think the incident itself is a red herring. It sounds like you are stressed and anxious, and therefore ruminating about past traumatic events. I would be looking at practising mental health self-care, and if it doesn't get better, seeing a doctor.

zzizzer · 02/05/2021 21:14

I think something must have made you and your ex both reminisce recently. Some date or trigger or news story or something?

zzizzer · 02/05/2021 21:15

Then again, random coincidences do just happen, all the time.

Thereoncewasababy · 02/05/2021 21:31

Try the happening technique it's a Paul McKenna EMDR video on YouTube it's helped me a lot. I don't think this is a symbol of anything bigger OP I think you've remembered this incident and are finding it hard to forget as it was a horrifying moment. Emdr will help rewire all the awful emotions that are tied to those few minutes so that you stop having flashbacks and you'll be able to remember it and that he's fine without all the uncontrollable thoughts about what could have happened.

MargaretThursday · 02/05/2021 21:31

Apparently I did that at a similar age.
I have no recollection of it.

MatthewHBpig · 02/05/2021 22:05

@ABC123namechange
OP if you are still reading. I'd urge to avoid reading the stories here of similar incidents. It's obviously triggering you.

Something about this is touching me and I'm concerned for your.

Find a therapist who also can do emdr too. Get a recommendation if you can.

I'm confident you can come out the other side just fine but avoid the scary stories and. And ignore the 'get over it' posts.

The "it couldn't have happened but didn't happen" one below is utterly unhelpful IMO. The important thing is how you feel about it. Not what a random stranger on internet thinks.

I am also a random stranger of course but have years of trauma I'm trying to resolve via therapy and now emdr so I've done research extensively.

Jennylou88 · 02/05/2021 22:05

Could be delayed onset PTSD, if over the next few weeks you get frequent intrusive memories or nightmares that create emotions/feelings that make you feel as though you are reliving the event it might be worth looking at CBT/EMDR for trauma symptoms. They'll assess you to see if it is PTSD or not. If it's not they may offer other support of you need it.
It's free through your local IAPT service (improving access to psychological therapies team) you can normally self refer or ask your GP to refer you! It's nearly always faster to do a quick google search and self refer though!

PandaLady · 02/05/2021 22:45

Are you more anxious generally atm op? Intrusive thoughts like you describe can occur as a symptom of anxiety and OCD.

You should get some professional advice but in the meantime maybe try and concentrate your mind on something else and every time the intrusive thought occurs, remind yourself that it is a by-product of anxiety.

Original poster

ABC123namechange · 03/05/2021 22:16

@PandaLady

Are you more anxious generally atm op? Intrusive thoughts like you describe can occur as a symptom of anxiety and OCD.

Hi PandaLady, no I'm not an anxious person generally.

Lots of you have recommended EMDR so I will definitely look into that. I have used Paul McKenna a few times for other things, so I will definitely check out the YouTube video somebody mentioned.

Thanks so much, everyone. Yes, the stories are triggering me and making me feel stressed. I don't understand why this has suddenly come up for me. Other parenting fails keep popping into my mind as well, and I keep wishing I could go back in time and erase them. I need to remember that at the time I was acting with the information I had at the time and with the Eurodisney incident it was an unfortunate set of circumstances that were out of my control and thankfully didn't end in disaster. It's just that 'what if', especially as we are talking about seconds in which the outcome could have been so different 😥

I asked my son why he jumped into the water and he said 'mum, you're asking me about something that happened a decade ago. I have no idea why I jumped into the water ' As if he'd be able to give me an answer. He doesn't even remember Eurodisney
Awful place by the way, and I don't recommend it.

OP posts:

MinnieJackson · 03/05/2021 22:43

I'm finding this thread quite triggering aswell. Two similar incidents happened with my son, one water related, one was him bolting into a busy car park (he has asd) when he was about four. I have had CBT therapy in the past (3 times) for agoraphobia. One of my main worries is something happening to my children. So if I don't go out with my husband and children and something bad happens, it's not my fault in my stupid brain. What if I have to go back to the car because I'm having a panic attack and i don't realise one of the children has followed me and they get hit by a car etc. It's shite. I'm going to 're refer myself tomorrow, I need to keep on working on these issues

Original poster

ABC123namechange · 03/05/2021 22:52

@MinnieJackson
It's really crap. I wish I could control my brain. Logic tells me to let it go because it didn't happen, but I keep dwelling on it.

OP posts:

Original poster

ABC123namechange · 03/05/2021 22:59

@MatthewHBpig

Your post sent shivers down my spine. Something is likely to be provoking emotional memory and therefore flashbacks. The tickets thing is a we weird coincidence.

Could you have heard music from that time or a perfume you wore back there?

Minds are amazing and often file things away when they aren't able to process them... it could be it's the right time to talk it through, process it and put it to bed.

I'm sorry this happened. It must have been terrifying

@MatthewHBpig I do believe that our minds are amazing things that only let us deal with things that it thinks we can cope with. Hence why some people get blackouts. I think it makes us sometimes have no recollection of traumatic events and then will reveal them to us when we are ready

OP posts:

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 06/05/2021 17:02

The problem with a thread like this is that it is inevitably going to attract people with similar stories. That’s good in some ways... loads of people have slip ups and accidents but actually they very, very rarely end in tragedy. But they are stressful stories to read.

EMDR can be very effective - it was trialled on soldiers with PTSD coming back from Iraq, I believe and had very good results. My sister found it very effective.

The thinking behind ‘think about what happened not what might have happened’ may be entirely useless (but certainly isn’t advice to just get over it) - I had months of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (a branch of CBT) and essentially it gets you to consider what thoughts are rational, what thoughts are helpful and how your irrational beliefs are negatively impacting you. It really, really helped me with very severe health anxiety after a bad birth with my second dc but obviously isn’t for everyone.

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