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Original poster

Cut my walk short because of a man I met

60 replies

Rae34 · 29/04/2021 18:59

and feel quite stupid about it!

Went for a walk after work, a route I often do. I was halfway across a pedestrian bridge when a rough-looking man approached me. He asked me if I knew were X place was and I said no, sorry. He looked angry and said nothing, walking past me. As I walked on, my spidey sense kicked in and as I looked around, I saw he was now walking behind me.

It started to rain then, so I made a fuss of putting my umbrella up until he passed me. I let him go on ahead but then I remembered there was an underpass that he would have just passed through. There was no one else around. Well - I turned around and went back the way I came.

I was thinking about Sarah Everard and imagined being grabbed in the underpass. Would I have done this one year ago? No. I would've said 'don't be so ridiculous' and carried on. I actually feel ashamed of being so fearful and letting it affect a route I do all the time.

OP posts:
piglet81 · 29/04/2021 19:02

Don’t feel stupid - you listened to your instincts. Probably he wouldn’t have given you any trouble, but you never know.

(I know how rubbish it is that this is the way so many women have to behave...)

GCAcademic · 29/04/2021 19:02

Nothing wrong with trusting your instincts. We are hard-wired with instincts for a reason.

CarmelBeach · 29/04/2021 19:04

Honestly? I'd have done what you did since I was old enough to be out alone.

There's no shame in listening to your gut.

SunshineCake · 29/04/2021 19:04

You've done the right thing. Don't feel shamed. If you'd gone against your gut and carried on and ended up dead it wouldn't have been worth it, would it?

GreyhoundG1rl · 29/04/2021 19:05

Would I have done this one year ago? No. I would've said 'don't be so ridiculous' and carried on
I would have. It's awful, but 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Rae34 · 29/04/2021 19:06

It was quite a long bridge. I couldn't imagine someone getting halfway across and then deciding to turn back just because a person he met said they weren't sure where a place was.

In theory, @piglet81, I know I probably would have got where I wanted to go and been back by now with no trouble!

I know @GCAcademic. I read the 'Gift of Fear' book years ago and it stayed with me. It is a strange feeling though. I almost feel like I have been beaten by this bloke because I felt scared and turned back. Almost like I'm not a proper adult - which is ridiculous! It is not our fault we have to think this way as women.

OP posts:
RightOnTheEdge · 29/04/2021 19:07

Better safe than sorry OP!
You've got nothing to feel ashamed or stupid about.
Trust your instincts.

PicsInRed · 29/04/2021 19:07

Sounds perfectly sensible to me, but age and experience has driven the pragmatism right though me. What's the point of being daring and dead?

Sexnotgender · 29/04/2021 19:08

Your instincts are there for a reason. Honed over centuries to help women identify men who pose a threat. You did the right thing. Always better safe than sorry.

helpfulperson · 29/04/2021 19:10

In those circumstances I probably would have turned back and I walk in woodland, hills etc on my own. Most men I know probably would have certainly loitered until he was well away.

Original poster
Rae34 · 29/04/2021 19:12

I'll no doubt feel better tomorrow. It's just that I do spend most days walking with no problems whatsoever. Then every so often, maybe once or twice a year, something like this happens and I remember: most women can't just walk around the city the same way men do.

And it bothers me.

OP posts:
Stichintime · 29/04/2021 19:13

I boldly walk where ever I want, but have always been cautious of underpasses. Trust your instincts, if it doesn't feel right, leave it out.

Hoppinggreen · 29/04/2021 19:13

Well the chances are he was harmless but I believe in listening to your instincts.
I always think what’s the worst that can happen if someone who makes me uncomfortable IS harmless, maybe a bit of embarrassment or inconvenience but then what’s the worst that can happen is they ARENT harmless? No contest as far as I’m concerned

Original poster
Rae34 · 29/04/2021 19:20

Actually, I suspected he was going to rob me. Weirdly I never think like this - but I had the thought in my head!

@Stichintime same. This underpass is short and links the park to the shopping area - it is the only route through. I usually feel safe and only go through it in daylight. But the sun suddenly disappeared, went dark and started raining, so not many people about.

I honestly think my intuition calculated ALL these things very quickly and said 'no'.

OP posts:
CarmelBeach · 29/04/2021 19:23

@Rae34

I'll no doubt feel better tomorrow. It's just that I do spend most days walking with no problems whatsoever. Then every so often, maybe once or twice a year, something like this happens and I remember: most women can't just walk around the city the same way men do.

And it bothers me.

Yes, I get angry about this too.

Last summer, I was walking along the high street and there was a man following me at a funny angle, like he wanted to be in my eyeline.

I eventually stopped at a shop, put my back against the window of the shop and glared at him. He gave me a look like he'd been caught out, if that makes sense? I definitely think he was after my bag.

Then he looked angry and walked on. I watched him for a while till he was out of sight.

As a teen, I was taught to walk facing oncoming traffic, I still do that. It's horrendous to have to think this way.

Chatanooga1 · 29/04/2021 19:23

If things don’t feel right then always take heed.

However, not all criminals are rough looking and smart looking people can be just as evil.

John Canaan springs to mind.

CarmelBeach · 29/04/2021 19:24

X post
The only route through? That's awful.

SunshineCake · 29/04/2021 19:28

I just feel that fighting against instincts so that men don't win is all very good until your instincts were right and something bad happened.

Better a living coward than a dead hero. It isn't quite the right analogy but I'm sure you get what I mean.

Slub · 29/04/2021 19:31

This is why I am renewing my membership to the RSPB. There are lots of nice walks/trails nearby but I don't feel safe walking there alone.
At least walking within a reserve which is members binoculars wielding nerds only I'll feel safe! 🦅

Original poster
Rae34 · 29/04/2021 19:34

@Slub I moved right next to this beautiful park recently so I won't let today's experience deter me. It makes a big difference to my mental health. RSPB walks sound lovely!

I am reading a book just now about all these women who have hiked/walked alone - and I honestly don't think I would do it. I always hike with people - I consider myself to be quite a courageous person usually. But yeah. I am cautious.

OP posts:
GreyhoundG1rl · 29/04/2021 19:37

It doesn't denote lack of courage to have a reasonable fear of something, op.

warmandtoasty2day · 29/04/2021 19:40

it's good that you trusted your instincts.

Slub · 29/04/2021 19:41

I used to walk miles alone with my Labrador who I knew would defend me because our bond was so great. Sadly she died in 2019 and I haven't felt safe walking alone since. It's crap that women have to feel this way Sad

cakefanatic · 29/04/2021 19:46

Pretty sure I did just this the other day. Walking home from my run I have the choice of alongside the main road or a footpath through trees. I was just about to take the footpath, as I often do, when I looked up and saw that the only person in view was a large male. He wasn’t even especially threatening actually, but I just made the decision to walk near the road instead.

toocold54 · 29/04/2021 19:47

I agree with all of the above.
You trusted your gut never feel bad about trusting your own gut. we evolved these instincts to keep us safe so always listen to them.
The worst outcome of this is that your walk was cut short. I’d rather cut my walk short than the alternative.

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