Cut my walk short because of a man I met

[Rae34]

and feel quite stupid about it!

Went for a walk after work, a route I often do. I was halfway across a pedestrian bridge when a rough-looking man approached me. He asked me if I knew were X place was and I said no, sorry. He looked angry and said nothing, walking past me. As I walked on, my spidey sense kicked in and as I looked around, I saw he was now walking behind me.

It started to rain then, so I made a fuss of putting my umbrella up until he passed me. I let him go on ahead but then I remembered there was an underpass that he would have just passed through. There was no one else around. Well - I turned around and went back the way I came.

I was thinking about Sarah Everard and imagined being grabbed in the underpass. Would I have done this one year ago? No. I would've said 'don't be so ridiculous' and carried on. I actually feel ashamed of being so fearful and letting it affect a route I do all the time.

You were quite right to listen to your instinct & turn back. Perhaps you were wrong about him but if your spidey senses warn you something is not quite right, then listen. It is a shame that women feel vulnerable in situations such as this...I think we've all felt it at some point, I certainly have.

Always listen to your gut.
I’ve only ignored mine once. I was raped that once. Never again.

Would I have done this one year ago? No. I would've said 'don't be so ridiculous' and carried on. I actually feel ashamed of being so fearful and letting it affect a route I do all the time
I would’ve done that in this situation
Don’t feel bad about putting safety and intuition above pride. It’s not worth it

You absolutely did the right thing, his behaviour stood out as odd and potentially threatening in turning to walk behind you, and you had an underpass coming up where you would have been restricted in terms of escape routes and possibly visibility if there were stairs. You assessed the situation, didn't accept the level of threat and changed your route to avoid it. Not saying we should have to do this but unfortunately there are enough dangerous people out there to make listening to instincts worthwhile. Don't feel any shame.

I would have done the same thing.

OP, I think you did the right thing. It may have been nothing but how would you know? I think back to my younger self and the risks I took because as women we have every right to walk home alone drunk etc. Whilst I still believe this in reality is whilst mostly it is fine, some woman have paid the highest price. This is not victim blaming but the sad reality of the risk management we need to undertake going about daily life.

It's not worth the risk could well of been nothing but why risk it . There are some strange people about . TBH as a man there are areas and path near us that I wouldn't walk down or keep my wits about me.

Our cycle track was one of the worst in the country for assaults and a stabbing . They've done a lots of work lighting and cutting back shrubery . Some very very serious assaults mainly men because they thought they were invincible and walked down there on there own pissed after the pub .

@Howmanysleepsnow

Always listen to your gut. I’ve only ignored mine once. I was raped that once. Never again.

I'm sure you know, but:

It wasn't your fault.

You did the right thing. I would have done the same.

It's a shame that women are unable to feel safe, but sadly it's been proven time and again that we're not.

I went past a man and was suspicious and the sense something was going to happen grew stronger. I was attacked, because there was nothing I could do to evade it, but it has taught me to always trust my instinct.

I would have done the same as you. Once as a teen, I went for a lift and there was a massive, very muscly man in there. My instincts screamed no at me and I shook my head and sent him on his way. I've been doing things like that ever since. Trust your instincts.

Stranger attacks are very very rare. Which doesn't mean stop listening to your senses. It just means don't live in fear.

Walking stick. Not your ordinary walking stick. A hiking stick. With a pointed end.

Then enjoy your walks.

Yes without a doubt I'd do the same. Not stupid at all.

@Moondust001 I do think sometimes carrying something with which you could defend yourself is potentially a false sense of security.
When you factor in the element of surprise and fear when you are jumped out on, you would need to be highly trained and very strong to defend yourself.
I sometimes worry that too many women over-estimate their capacity to fight back effectively and wonder if over-confidence can be unwise.

[quote FindingMeno]@Moondust001 I do think sometimes carrying something with which you could defend yourself is potentially a false sense of security.
When you factor in the element of surprise and fear when you are jumped out on, you would need to be highly trained and very strong to defend yourself.
I sometimes worry that too many women over-estimate their capacity to fight back effectively and wonder if over-confidence can be unwise.[/quote]
Mmm. I once heard "never carry something for protection that can be grabbed and used against you", and there's something in that too.
It's a hideous conundrum.

The man approached you in a deserted place, and on a bridge where your options for moving away are limited. So we do know something about this man - that is that he wasn't thinking of your experience of the shared space as a woman.

Men who aren't considerate of the women around them and who don't acknowledge the power differential between males and females are more likely to be OK with crossing your boundaries in other ways. No it's not conclusive but this isn't a court of law.

I would have done the same. You picked up a bad vibe that he was giving off, and you trusted your instincts.

My husband would have also avoided that underpass. He would have suspected the chap was a potential mugger.
This is why so many people drive everywhere.

You did the right thing OP

@Rae34 No, he didn't beat you. You beat him. You took control. Well done!

@Howmanysleepsnow I'm so sorry that you had that happen to you. Sending love.

@Moondust001

Stranger attacks are very very rare. Which doesn't mean stop listening to your senses. It just means don't live in fear.

Walking stick. Not your ordinary walking stick. A hiking stick. With a pointed end.

Then enjoy your walks.

Rare is no consolation when it happens to you. Easy to say don't live in fear when sometimes there is no other option in your mind.

You did the right thing. No harm in a bit of caution.

Honestly it's better you feel a bit ridiculous than turn up on BBC news dead. And it's not ridiculous - indeed I'd encourage more women especially to trust their gut instincts.

It's awful that women beat themselves up for being "weak" in situations like this. Almost as awful as the fact that we need to think like this in the first place.
Op, your sense of self preservation is working well. You did nothing wrong.

Trust your gut in any situation, I certainly wish I had more in the past.