Please help me be a nicer person

[Helpmebenicer]

How do I stop myself pontificating and generally being a pain in the arse please? No one has said anything to me but I hear myself whittering on at work etc and another voice in my head is just despairing. I'm in my 40's, is it an age thing? How do you learn to zip it, help!

Please excuse my English and grammar by the way!

I've been really cheered by the responses thank you! I think a balance is called for, don't lose the personality but reign it in a bit when one can feel oneself dominating or being particularly withering 🤦😁

I’ve found my tribe.

I can’t stand my inner critic and I fight so hard with her to give out the aura of being nice and friendly whereas really I’m not a nice person at all. I’m bitter and anti social.

I refuse to make people feel crap though, so I work really really hard to have conversations where other people feel uplifted and I come home and slump.

justanotherneighinparadise

You're a much better person than I am then x

You don’t know that you’re having the affect on others that you perceive though do you? You’re cringing because you think you are doing X and think you are doing Y.

justanotherneighinparadise

I've got into some fairly heated exchanges in the past so am assuming I've upset the other person. I do get quite carried away but try to listen to myself more to see if I'm being unreasonable. They aren't normally personal things, more like opinions on say Brexit or Covid for example.

@tatoowooo
The quote you posted really doesn't ring with me because it's not that I feel the world owes me anything, it's the general human race which pisses me off.
How greedy, materialistic, needing power and how "throw away" some of them are.
How mostly everyone wants to have the latest car, latest phone etc. And can't be happy with what they already have. Always wanting more. Stripping the Earth of her resources and just taking everything for granted and not giving a shit about wiping out other species for the sake of a few quid.
How people are famous for being on Instagram but people such as nurses are paid fuck all.
That's why I'm so fucking bitter. Our species is absolutely fucked. So no the world owes me nothing. But we owe the world everything.

Argumentative for the sake of it too, surely that's just irritating for everyone?

I think to me it sounds like your judging yourself rather than the behaviour. Like imposing an explanation of the intentions being just for the sake of it.. implying that you’re doing it out of a careless heart.

I think focus on the behaviour. You impulsively escalate disagreements without realising? Is it something one of your parents did or encouraged? Could you recognise the pattern they used and if this is causing you to be triggered ?

DeepThinkingGirl

I just carried away if it's something I care deeply about, realise afterwards that it's too much for the other person. I don't know, say arguing about the school system, I just get too over invested. Hoping I can self regulate a bit more in future

@MissCrowley

*So no the world owes me nothing. But we owe the world everything.

But that's exactly what the quote is saying. Yes, I agree

@MissCrowley

Following because I'm a bitter bitch. I'm not a huge fan of other humans. I can only tolerate them in small doses. Everything gets on my tits. I also think I may be going through the menopause.. at quite a young age too.

You’ve just described me. I can count on one hand the number of people i genuinely feel no annoyance toward. In fact, I’m not sure I even reach the full 5 fingers and thumb.

Helpmebenicer

Unless you get rude to the other person or undermining, I think you sound fun to be around. Some of us like debates and discussions. Maybe join a book club or a place for intellectual debates to find your people. I’m one of them ! I wouldn’t be annoyed at all with debates even heated ones