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Original poster

Csection and school

74 replies

hpsaurous · 27/04/2021 09:18

Just wondered if anyone can offer some advice please?

I am due to have a section in 2 weeks time.
I have a reception age child and a 3 years old. I have arranged childcare for both of them but unfortunately my oldest cannot be dropped at school on that day as the family member looking after them lives too far and cannot drive.

I will need to be at the hospital for 7.30 am and school doesn’t open until 8.45 am so not possible for us to drop him and also no one to pick him up as my husband will be in the hospital with me. The other issue is my 3 years old won’t stay with the family member without one of us or my son.

Will the school accept these reasons for him to be off school on that day or will this be marked an unauthorised absence? I am worried about asking school as they might refuse it.

Has anyone been through this?

OP posts:

LolaNova · 27/04/2021 09:50

Does it really matter if they have a day of unauthorised attendance? This ‘your child must be in school at all costs’ culture is getting a bit mad.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 27/04/2021 09:50

If your reception child turned 5 since the easter holidays, they are not compulsory school age til september so you should not be fined.

I don't think anyone can reasonably object to you leaving both children with a relative for the day under the circumstances.

Also as pp said, if they want you in for 7.30, you wouldn't be going to theatre til 8.30 at the very earliest I would think, so DH could probably do school drop off and get back. However, if you ended up waiting around, you might not be done by the time he needs to pick DC up from school (my last one I was in for 7.30 but didn't get to theatre til 3pm....).

hidethexylophone · 27/04/2021 09:51

Firstly, I wouldn't worry about 1 day of unauthorised absence - you won't get a fine, the sky won't fall in, no one would judge you in your circumstances, so if using the relative a distance away works best then do that and send both children without worrying.

If it would work better for you to have your child in school, then maybe speak to the ward to see how many planned sections have been scheduled for the day. I've had 3 ELCS, always had to be there for 7.30am. For the first, I was last on the list of planned ones for the day and they had a couple of emergencies too so DS not born until 4pm. Second one, I was 2nd on the list, DS born at 11.30am. For my 3rd I was first in and still didn't give birth til 9.30am. So it might be worth asking if you can not be first on the list for the day so your DH can drop you off, then go and drop children to school/childcare and then come back.

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Families

ivfbeenbusy · 27/04/2021 09:51

What? No. This is the worst option. I would have hated to go into my csection alone and been so awfully stressed and upset. Would never get over DH not being there. Awful! It’s just one day, the school really won’t care!

I had my twins emergency c section alone in January - DH couldn't come because it all happened about 5am and there was no time/no one we could get to watch our 5 year old

MrsTophamHat · 27/04/2021 09:52

I wouldnt have thought it would be classed as unauthorised and attendance was part of my previous job.

We would have classed that as exceptional curcumstances and given code C; it's not going to form a pattern. It would be unreasonable to expect you to not have your husband at your birth for the sake of a 5 year old missing a day of school. It is also relevant that Covid has affected wrapsround care, and that it also both exceptional and outside your control.

Even if school did say it would be an unauthorised absence, it means literally nothing as a one off, assuming your children have good attendance on the whole. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

ohidoliketobe · 27/04/2021 09:52

It may go down as unauthorised, but a single day doesn't matter. You won't get fined unless it's over 5 days UA in a single term, and your DC won't miss much work in a single day.
Good luck

MrsTophamHat · 27/04/2021 09:53

*circumstances

OnTheBrink1 · 27/04/2021 09:56

@PegPeople

I think myself and BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz were thinking more about how it would be unwise to leave 2 small children with someone who has significant caring duties rather than the 5 year old having one day off school.

I understand that but this is a one of extreme circumstance. It seems like she’s already offered to have the kids for one day so I’m sure it’s possible

OnTheBrink1 · 27/04/2021 09:57

@ivfbeenbusy

I had my twins emergency c section alone in January - DH couldn't come because it all happened about 5am and there was no time/no one we could get to watch our 5 year old

I’m sorry, that must have been hard. I had twins by csection also but would have be terrified to have them alone- mine was planned though so more time to think about it I guess

roguetomato · 27/04/2021 10:03

Don't worry about it and take him off school that day. It may go down as unauthorized officially, but I am sure actual teachers/staffs at school think nothing negative about it.

ivfbeenbusy · 27/04/2021 10:08

@OnTheBrink1

At the time I was terrified as I haemorrhaged and the hospital said for all our sakes they had to come out immediately - it all happened so fast - 20 mins later they were out and in NICU and I was having a coffee with a nurse massaging my boobs to help bring my milk in 🤣 Part of me is maybe glad DH wasn't there - he is useless in a crisis anyway and at least I got to focus on the babies and me

Tippytaps · 27/04/2021 10:21

Oh dear, what a pickle. I hope your mum is okay.

I wouldn’t worry about school for one day, but for your own peace of mind is it possible to stretch for an emergency nanny/childminder?

RowanAlong · 27/04/2021 10:32

Is there any possibility of hiring extra support for the day? Is there a babysitter or family friend that all the children would be ok with together, just for the day? The school would be unlikely to get annoyed about a day’s absence for reason Of C section I would have thought!

Original poster

hpsaurous · 27/04/2021 10:41

Thanks for all the suggestions and I am sorry I can't tag individually.

The relative looks after her inlaws who are mobile and okay and they all live in the same house.
My children knows them well and spends a lot of time together but my daughter has never been there on her own. My son has been there lots of time on his own and loves going there. My daughter is the absolute shadow of my son and worships the ground he walks on and will happily be where he is.

Thank you for the well wishes re my mum too!

I have had two emergency sections before and the last one happened at 1 am and my husband missed it and barely made it whilst I was still in theatre. There was no time to wait for him. It doesn't faze me to have the section by myself. In fact I suggested this to my husband myself but then he reminded me that I haemorrhaged very badly in theatre and before this happened, I kept saying I was absolutely freezing which they dismissed completely and next I was out of it. My daughter was also whisked away immediately and I didn't see her until later as there was some concerns re her and really husband is there as a huge support for us and I want him to be there in case things go wrong again.

I will call sick on the day. One day off for a 5 years old is nothing compared to the whole time off the kids have had since last year. Thanks for all the comments!

OP posts:

Original poster

hpsaurous · 27/04/2021 10:44

We do have a great childminder whom we use but in the event that things goes wonky and the section doesn't happen until the evening, I would rather the kids are with the relative as they would be happier and more settled there than the childminder.

OP posts:

Twistered · 27/04/2021 10:45

Oh god keep him off. I wouldn't even worry about it if you'd to keep him off a few days given the circumstances. I'm sure there are 5,6&7 year olds who have missed a few days because mummy was having a new baby.

Sirzy · 27/04/2021 10:47

Don’t call him in sick just tell school the truth!

Original poster

hpsaurous · 27/04/2021 10:47

That's what I was thinking Twistered. I think it's a lot for the kids to be separated for e.g. one at school and one at a relative and for mummy to turn up with a new baby. They know I am having a baby but still reality is different from what their small minds think.

OP posts:

Backofthepack · 27/04/2021 10:48

I am aware of the under 5 rule, but the boy just turned 5 so unfortunately legally have to be in school
When was he actually 5? Because if he's turned 5 since last September he isn't compulsory school age. It's the Sept after 5 that it's compulsory. Sounds like this isn't the case so just tell school.

We sent DA in and school accommodated with breakfast club space as a one off but in your circs as in with the two kids I'd just let th spend the day with your family

Original poster

hpsaurous · 27/04/2021 10:48

Sirzy I will speak to his teacher today and see what she suggests.

OP posts:

Whinge · 27/04/2021 10:49

@Sirzy

Don’t call him in sick just tell school the truth!

I agree. There's no reason to call in sick.

Original poster

hpsaurous · 27/04/2021 10:54

Sorry he turned 5 this month!

OP posts:

Backofthepack · 27/04/2021 10:58

Ok so compulsory school is from September 2021.

Hi Miss Jones, just to let you know the baby is coming on June 1st so Peter won't be in that day due to childcare. I'm sure he'll be excited to come and tell you all about his new sinking when he comes back!

Job done.

If you're having a C Sec presumably you're in fro a few days? Would it make your life easier to keep him off for a second day or not? This is why I picked a Friday 😆

Mammabearto3 · 27/04/2021 10:59

I was in a similar situation when I had my 3rd baby, when I was 7 month's I put in a leave form with school wanting xyz dates off for 3 day's explaining everything as my mum/sister an hour away was looking after them I'm having a csection my DH will be with me etc.

I got notified by the principal just under 2weeks before my csection it wasn't a good enough excuse for kid's to be away from school. I got annoyed and pointed out that a boy in my son's class is away for 6week's on a family cruise because the mum wanted to work on her tan, yet me having a csection and my children are staying with my mum/sister an hour away isn't good enough reason, Also pointed out my son got an award last year for perfect attendance.

The bit that ticked me off even more I had massive complications and ended up in icu for just over a week the principal tell's my husband anything that we can do just let us know, but we will see the kid's here tomorrow.

If I have anymore children my older children they will just be getting a dr certificate for gastro bug or they had a cold.

Do what you feel is right for your family don't stress over the school and what they say.

Congratulations on your baby

RebelByLight · 27/04/2021 11:06

Why do the school know you'll be having a planned csection and why do you have to tell them in advance. Can't DH call on the morning, say you're in hospital having the baby and DS won't be in today?

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