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Original poster

Question for ASD parents about teens

69 replies

Queenofbeebers · 25/04/2021 16:39

Does your child eat with you or prefer to eat alone?

Dd 16 now eats in her room and apart from school rarely leaves her room. She is high functioning.

I would like to understand if I am being unreasonable by asking her to eat downstairs at least during the week. She has said yes she will do this but doesn’t want to eat around other people.

Any opinions would be great. Thanks

OP posts:

Tomnooktoldmeto · 26/04/2021 09:57

Both of my teens with ASD adhd and Misophonia tend to eat in their rooms more because of the Misophonia and misokinesia than the ASD

They will eat with us on high days and holidays but it can be quite a painful experience as DD is a very severe sufferer of Misophonia and misokinesia who is even triggered by the fork prongs facing up or the tip of a knife

bellropes · 26/04/2021 10:37

We're an autistic household and we all eat alone. It just seems natural for us to do this and we're all comfortable doing so. I hate being disturbed whilst eating or being expected to chat etc.

Clymene · 26/04/2021 10:42

Mine eats alone. He doesn't like the smell of other people's food. I won't let him eat anywhere but at the kitchen table though. He is not a very tidy eater!

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Original poster

Queenofbeebers · 26/04/2021 14:42

@BLACKTUESDAY1 wish there was a way of getting them all together.

I went to hyper Japan a couple of years ago when things were normal and it was so refreshing I felt really relieved which I know seems odd but for the first time I thought she was going to be ok.

Hyper Japan is online this year but maybe a good place to start.

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 26/04/2021 15:11

I work with teenagers with ASD. I would say, remember that the things you are describing as fun may not be fun for her. She has spent all day at school fitting into a world that may not suit her needs - tolerating noises, masking symptoms, working twice as hard as others to manage social relationships. She will be tired.

Personally I'd let her eat in her room. I'd want her to be able to relax, rather than have further demands placed on her.

Foobydoo · 26/04/2021 15:16

DD prefers to eat alone. We had to put our foot down about her eating in her room after we had a visiting mouse under her floorboards.
She will eat a family meal but finds it stressful.
I tend to do hers earlier and sit with her as she is fine eating with just me around.

minniemomo · 26/04/2021 15:20

Always at the table, they know food does not leave the kitchen, mugs of tea at a pinch. Rules are the same for my asd dd and "normal" one

minniemomo · 26/04/2021 15:22

@Queenofbeebers

Obsessed with Korean and Japanese culture, or rather was, bit more mainstream this year since lockdown and being around her sister more

NeverSurrender · 26/04/2021 15:35

My asd daughter eats in her room, she will eat at the table on Xmas day but that's it. Occasionally she will eat a meal on her lap on a change in the corner of the dining room. Her brother is quite a noisy person and she doesn't like people watching her eat so it's not a big deal to us.
On a separate note- it's so comforting to hear of all you other mums with asd teens. I feel like I'm the only one!

NeverSurrender · 26/04/2021 15:37

Dd used to be really into Japenese culture, just not anime. She's moved on now though. It seems to be a big thing amongst her age at her asd school though.

TheFogsGettingThicker · 26/04/2021 16:16

Both of my teens have ASD; DD is 15 and takes snacks to her room, never brings the dirty crockery down though. She eats at the table with us, but watches stuff on her phone with headphones in. She also hates the sound of people eating.

She is madly into anime (and talented at drawing it) and Japanese culture, and is learning Japanese via an online course.

My DS is 13 and seemingly lives for food, but is happy to eat downstairs. He likes to watch stuff on his laptop too, but won't complain if we need the space and ask him to stop and make room. (Possibly because it's not often.)

I always preferred be able to read while eating, so I can understand them being the same.

Original poster

Queenofbeebers · 26/04/2021 17:14

She is madly into anime (and talented at drawing it) and Japanese culture, and is learning Japanese via an online course.

How lovely- mine too (the drawing) although is failing art GCSE because in her words ‘the teacher is a bitch’.

Such a shame because I think she could go somewhere with it.

OP posts:

BLACKTUESDAY1 · 26/04/2021 18:50

You are right, it's amazing to hear of other parents with dcs similar to mine. We know none in real life....the drawing thing, my dd is AMAZING at art either Ipad or on paper. She started drawing five nights at freddy's characters many moons ago. They were spectacular. Now she just draws anime characters. She also didn't do as brilliantly in her art gcse as we thought, mainly because she had to draw things she wasn't really passionate about.
I am interested in the comment about tiredness. Dd literally goes to bed to sleep as soon as she gets back from college. She is absolutely exhausted when she gets back but only has short days! Again makes me worry how she'll cope with the world of work

Original poster

Queenofbeebers · 26/04/2021 19:06

She sleeps a lot at the weekend and I let her get on with it. Social interaction wears her out completely.

She has been given melatonin as she also has add to help her sleep but to be honest I don’t think the dose is big enough to do anything.

OP posts:

Original poster

Queenofbeebers · 26/04/2021 19:08

Also for Christmas I bought her the XP-Pen 12 it’s a digital drawing pad. Well me and my parents as it’s about £200. She uses it every day, so has been a good investment.

OP posts:

PickAChew · 26/04/2021 19:14

Another pokemon fanatic. We used to play pokemon go, together but he's not bothered with that so much since covid, which has made him pretty agoraphobic.

Original poster

Queenofbeebers · 26/04/2021 19:25

Can I also ask about rudeness? I am finding that exhausting at the moment. She is so bloody argumentative.

OP posts:

BLACKTUESDAY1 · 28/04/2021 19:01

Hi Queen, yes she can be very rude sometimes and it can be hard not to get too cross with her.

We've just had her appointment through for autism assessment. It is under adult services and will be by telephone. Will this be detremental as they won't see her in person? Reading the questionaire on the back she answers strongly for every question. She feels it is so important to get a diagnosis as she approaches adulthood but we have no idea what to expect. Has anyone been through this over the phone?

funkystars123 · 17/01/2022 12:59

Mine both eat in their rooms....

They both go to school, have hobbies ( football and dancing) and go out with friends.

They are happiest at home in their rooms- they will eat meals our with us but at home they want/ need to recharge/chill and that's fine!

Their home is their home and it's important to us that they feelrelaxed!

If they didn't ever come out that would be a different issue!!!

And I wish they would bring plates and cups down!!

I am lucky that their hobbies still involved me/ us so we have time to chat and I WFH so they come and say hello when they get on from school so I know how they are doing/ feeling...

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