Ugh pet hate.
With me it’s usually in response to chronic illness which I only refer to when it’s debilitating.
“You should try homeopathy/acupuncture/the law of attraction/these vitamins from Holland and Barrett and it will go away in no time.”
“My brother cut out gluten and it cured his cancer/hiv/schizophrenia”
Thanks. The NHS is struggling to treat it and I’ve spent 30 years trying lots of self help methods. Do you really think I haven’t tried everything?
Usually it’s with a tone of judgement too, as if illness is always the sufferers fault.
I’ve one friend who I dearly love and recent conversations have been like this;
“Someone broke into the shed last night and stole thousands of pounds worth of equipment and the kids and DHs mountain bikes and ski equipment.”
“You should call the police.”
“We have.”
“AND? What are they/you doing about it?!”
“They are investigating.”
“You should get CCTV and an alarm. You should tell all the neighbours too as it could be them next.”
“We’ve handed over the CCTV footage and told the neighbours. It is alarmed and has its own security light. They somehow managed to override the alarm.”
“Well, you need a new alarm. And stop keeping expensive stuff in the shed. You need to check your insurance.”
“We have checked the insurance. We are getting (company) out to look at the alarm.”
“You need them out TODAY. You need to get this sorted.”
“Well, we’ve done everything we can. We’re just a bit upset and shocked, really.”
“Unfortunately these things happen. It’s just part of life and you need to accept that. They’ve not done anything serious. You need to stop looking at the negative.”
Would it be that hard to say “sorry to hear that, hope the police catch them, it must have been a shock x”.
Recently a mutual friend was really upset by her because her teenage daughter (just 18 at end of August) has dropped out of uni, moved in with a drug dealer, planning a wedding and pregnancy with him, and he keeps getting arrested and she’s concerned for her safety. It’s been utterly devastating for her, she screenshotted and sent me the conversation with the friend above and it was like this.
“I’m worried sick about Bethany. He’s been going with prostitutes and God knows who else and she’s admitted to me they are trying for a baby so they aren’t using protection. I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Try being happy for her. They are a young couple at the start of their lives with the world at their feet.”
“She’s given up on her education to move in with a drug dealer. She’s been at the scene of two crimes he’s committed. She could have been killed at the last one. She wanted to be a primary teacher. If she goes back to uni in the future, she’s got no chance of doing what she dreamed of without a clean DBS. I’m worried sick I’ll get a phonecall saying she’s dead. He’s a dangerous man. She’s no job, no education, he’s trying to trap her into marriage and kids, there’s drugs in that house. It’s a nightmare.”
“You sound anxious. You need to go to the GP. And stop funding her. She’ll soon learn she needs to get a job.”
“I’m not funding her. She’s living with him. I paid her uni fees and accommodation for the year and I won’t get that back. I’m not worried about that. I just want my daughter back.”
“So go and get her then!”
“She’s 18. She doesn’t want to come back and live with us. She wants him.”
“Then welcome him into the family. You need to accept she’s an adult. Stop babying her and expecting her to live the life you want.”
“It’s not a case of babying her! She is in danger and I’m scared for her. I just want her to be safe.”
“You need to stop dwelling on the negatives. She’ll be fine. Give him a chance to mend his ways, he’ll probably grow out of it.”
I honestly don’t know how we’ve all managed to stay friends with her.