Does anyone else have a friend with this habit?

[Mindthesheep]

I have a long standing friend for some 20+ years.

Broadly we have the same outlook on life although some differences as is normal in any friendship. In usual times we may see them once every 6 weeks. We all enjoy meeting up, and she is a really lovely person.

As lovely as she is, she has one really annoying habit that I am finding increasing hard to tolerate and it starts with “what you should do is............” Its not a discussion, or have you thought about X it’s - “ you should do.....”

She insists on trying to tell me what and how to do things, almost goes into teacher/pupil or adult/child mode. I am a grown adult and as I’ve got older I am finding myself less tolerant. Her DH is the same but my DH is really quick witted and bats away the advice with humour.

She doesn’t really have a sense of humour so is quite serious. I usually reply in quite a flippant way or more annoyingly justify why I am doing the thing my way or sometimes shut it down ( ie when telling me what my Kids should do)

We saw them on Wednesday this week, outside, just for a quick drink at my home. After such a lockdown break I realised how tense and annoyed I was during the evening following a “next time, what you should do is” 10 mins after arriving.

I just find it quite rude. Luckily as they are not someone whose opinion I value it doesn’t affect me as such, it just slightly sours the evening. Having realised this, I want to tackle it in a way that leaves the friendship intact.

But I just wondered has anyone else come across this and how do you deal with it?

My mother in law does this and offers advice when I haven't even asked

" here's a tip for you" it's so annoying

Try saying " Don't talk to me like that" and change the subject.

we have a saying in my house. Its not help if it wasn't asked for, its interfering.

I'm remembering this one and will use it the next time my father decides to "impart his wisdom". Pretty sure it'll piss him off.

I like that I’m not alone in finding this so annoying but shame so many people have that trait.

To those who have admitted to being ‘fixers’, I’m sure as you have that self awareness you are probably not as bad or annoying as many here.

I’m going to reread this for ideas before our next meet up, next month, and report back!

I have one friend who I suspect thinks I’m like this. The thing is, her entire conversation consists of venting, or telling me about her problems or other people’s problems. She never has anything to say about things she has done, or is planning to do, or is interested in. I try very hard not to offer opinions or solutions, but if the only part I can play in the conversation is to make vague sympathetic noises it’s very dull and one-sided.

My friend was a lot like this always knows best and is always right. I don't spend time with her anymore because of it. It's basically having your life, DC, opinions criticised.

Make like RuPaul who has three phrases to shut down every awkward situation:

"I'll be the judge of that"
"Thanks for the warning"
"I don't see how that's any of your business "

I've used the first one a few times and it's liberating.

Dsis takes it to an infuriating level interrupting very rudely with her advice & experience. I try to just stop speaking & calmly go back to what I was saying when she's done.
Anything she doesn't want to talk about is interrupted too. I was telling her about a fairly serious issue recently & she interrupted me to make sure I'd seen a nice dog walking nearby.
She's also fond of saying "we got off the subject didn't we?" Er, yes.
She's a couple of years older but acts as if I'm a little kid. I'm in my 50s!

I have a friend like this, we have very different ways of doing things which means I rarely ask her opinion but she regularly offers advice. When I was younger it used to really infuriate me, but now I try to avoid saying anything that will generate a 'what you should do....' But if the advice comes anyway, I just say 'good idea, I'll try that'. Same words every time. Penny hasn't dropped yet but nor has she ever followed up to find out if any of her suggestions have worked.