Thoughts on this. TW Rape mentioned

[LudoBear]

16 year old girl invited 3 male friends round. 2 are 15/16 the other 18. Small 2 bedroom flat, girls bedroom right next to mums bedroom. Their beds are right next to each other with the wall between them. Mum went to bed leaving girl and boys alone. The younger 2 went home. Older boy stayed. Two weeks later, girl is claiming 18 year old raped her. Note, 2 weeks later. In that time the girl has shown no signs of distress, this boy has been round to the house a couple more times. They they had a falling out Sunday last week and on Tuesday girl claims he raped her, in her bedroom 2 weeks before they fell out. Girl has gone round telling everyone she was raped but acting exactly like she normally does, staying out late with her mates etc. Police arrested 18 year old, out on bail.
18 year old has some mild learning disabiliy and is more like a 12 year old, definitely not a grown adult man.

Honestly...I'm not sure I believe the girl was raped. I think she just regretted having sex with him, if they had sex at all. When asked about it, girl said she said yes to him but felt pressured by him. He is denying they even had sex.

Nobody on here can possibly know what really went on, but being raped doesn’t mean you’ll immediately be in distress. Continuing to act normally and still contacting the perpetrator can be a defence mechanism because it means you don’t have to confront what actually happened. It wouldn’t necessarily change your behaviour re going out either. I don’t think anything you’ve described is definitive proof she wasn’t raped.

It seems to me there are other concerns - a 16 year old going out late (drinking?) with friends frequently and an 18 year old with the mental age of 12 hanging out with this party crowd. Are there safeguarding concerns? How involved/caring is the 16 year old’s mum? I know most teenagers have probably had an underage drink or two but it isn’t usual for 15/16 year olds who are neurological to be hanging out with a vulnerable adult.

*neurotypical, I mean

What has the layout of the flat got to do with it? Is the something about what the mum did or didn't hear?
Who are you in this scenario?

#ibelieveher

Lemme guess, the 18yo is your son?

Learning difficulties doesn't mean a person isn't capable.

Many many many people with LDs have jobs, families etc why do you presume he couldn't possibly know what he is doing ? LDs doesn't mean stupid

And stop buying in to the rape myths of there being a right or wrong way to react/behave. This having to be the right kind.if victim reacting the right way is why girls never bother reporting and when they do they arent believed.

If you weren't there you cant know. They are the only ones who really know what happened.

But please stop buying into rape myths

Is it your brother or your son?

As a default position, I believe the girl.It's common to shut it down, disassociate. It means you don't have to face what happened to you.

The girl is actually my niece. No, I don't believe her.

@bumpertobumper

What has the layout of the flat got to do with it? Is the something about what the mum did or didn't hear? Who are you in this scenario?

Surely mum would have heard them??

You say the mum would have heard them, but in your op you say you think she regrets having sex with him.

So if they had sex - whatever the mum hears isn't going to determine consent unless she shouted no (which is frequently not what happens as I am sure you know, freeze response and all that).
But seems the mum didn't hear anything or you would have said - asleep or they were quiet, irrelevant.

Does her mum believe her?

It's probably best if you stay out of it, no need for you to be involved.
Given the way the justice system works he will not get punished whether he did it or not...

I don’t hear my adult children having sex

Or he could get punished whether he did it or not .... works both ways

Only 1 percent of the very few that even get reported ever result in a prosecution.

Its extremely unlikely he will be punished if guilty let alone if innocent .

I was raped by a family friend as a young teen. He let himself into my bedroom while I was sleeping and pushed me face first against the wall and raped me. I was very quiet. Because I had frozen from sheer fear and panic. I cried and was awake ask night after that but still went through the motions the following day. The following weeks. Then he did it again. And again. And again. To the point where I didn't even care anymore. It was only maybe 3-4 months later as I became more and more detached and confused that my behaviour started changing. I played up, started beginning in a Very promiscuous manner as I was lacking love and affection and in desperate need of comfort as I couldn't self soothe. By the time I had found the words to say I had been raped , found the courage to tell my mother, I already had a reputation as a worthless trouble causing slut. So she didn't believe me. After all, it was her friend and I'd seen him every 3-4 days for the last 3-4 years and acted fine around him.

But I was not fine. I really was not. My entire life was collapsing and not one person noticed in the first few months.

So op. I'm sorry you don't believe your niece. But you are part of the problem.

We thought now might be a good time to pop by with a link to our We Believe You campaign. There's lots of information there on the myths surrounding rape and how people may or may not behave afterwards.

to all the posters here who have had to experience rape themselves.