DS hates writing / school so much he cries every day

[SleepingStandingUp]

He's 5, year 1. He's come down this morning first day back and once again there's tears. I've tried cuddles and talking out and then firm boundaries re uniform and going. But he still cries / screams every day.

Today he's said he doesn't like it because of the learning and he doesn't like the learning because of writing. He's saying his hand hurts but he's quite prescious so if it actually hurt to do something he'd say at the time, and it doesn't hurt to do Lego and other fine motor skills things.

I'm just at a loss..

We're on a list for support with him dealing with his big emotions but it isn't specifically about school.

School SENCO knows I struggle of a morning but he seems ok once there if occasionally oppositional.

I'm dreading getting him out the door.

The thought of another decade of this sadness...

Any Wise words on how we get through this and please don't do the "you tell him to get dressed and get out the house" because he will but he's still sad and crying every morning. He never misses a day or goes in late because of this so he hasn't learnt if he moans enough I concede

He's still got an immature grip so hands wrapped around pencil. I can remind him to do proper grip and he will but he struggles.

Yes!!! Absolutely a sign he needs a full handwriting assessment and proper OT intervention.

I'm kinda wondering what the heck your OT is doing if they haven't even got pencil grips into school.

Has physio assessed his saving reflexes? Have you got exercises to improve them. Has he got physio 😖😖😖😖

Also has he done/on the "bubble blowing" problem? Have you had an eating assessment by SLT?

Lots of children have obviously had a hard time with time off school due to lockdowns & burst bubbles. I think Year 1's in particular have struggled - they missed half a year of Reception, which is critical not only in terms of schooling & learning in an educational setting but also social interactions with peers/friendship forming. Then they've missed a chunk of Y1 which is their first proper year of learning in a formal classroom with more structured learning. I think lots of 5/6 year old are finding school really difficult, they're less confident and after all the home learning would prefer to be at home in their safe places. Hopefully the return to a school routine will help?

I hate to be cynical, but in any non selective school there will be at least one child in need of adaptations such as pencil grips, writing slopes and adaptive seating (eg wiggle cushions) in virtually every class.
If as you walk around a school these adaptations arent commonplace it would ring alarm bells you have a school/SENCO that doesn't know what they are looking for. Some can learn, but you'll end up being the one to do the teaching and you'll have to fight twice as hard to get what your child needs. The fact they havent just pulled a pencil grip out the cupboard worries me.

Children of that, particularly boys, often struggle with the physical side of writing. Their hands are just not developed enough, and although this can be a sign of something more as pps have suggested, is often just a developmental thing and will improve.

Lots of things can help with motor skills and muscle development including colouring, sand play, plasticine (harder than playdoh). Also look at squishy balls, stress balls etc - there are some specifically designed to help with hand muscle development: powerballs, hand therapy putty etc.

At the same time, I would practise writing in more fun/easy to access ways at home: typing on the computer, writing on a whiteboard, tracing key words in sand, dictation to you/on a device etc so that he can have chance to get his ideas out without always associating it with the pain.

@Hazelnutlatteplease

He's still got an immature grip so hands wrapped around pencil. I can remind him to do proper grip and he will but he struggles.

Yes!!! Absolutely a sign he needs a full handwriting assessment and proper OT intervention.

I'm kinda wondering what the heck your OT is doing if they haven't even got pencil grips into school.

She saw him once a few weeks ago by zoom, she gave us exercises to do for core strength, recommended different cutlery, activities to improve fine motor skills. I think it's hard on zoom when there's a lot to cover and a hyper 5 yo

I can still remember my hand hurting when writing at school. The pencils were big and thick (no grips back then) and my whole hand ached and the pain shot up my forearm. The ache did not go away at night either.

I was very young when I started school (nearly a full year behind due to my birthdate) and I was smaller and often felt lost and as if the class was buzzing around me but I wasn't in it.

In those days (nearly 50 years ago now) I was simply told off and told to get on with it. I was often punished for my poor handwriting. I hated school.

Eventually, I caught up and have a PhD so no lasting damage - but do believe your little boy if he says he is in pain.

SleepingStandingUp
There is Def a thing about not liking it, so being slow, so teacher telling him off etc.
...
Are you too a bit 'slow'? If so, you will understand and have sympathy.

His teacher should not be telling him off, that is wrong and I would address it with her. Children need to be encouraged, not bullied.

Maybe a different school would be better for your son.

@Hazelnutlatteplease

Also has he done/on the "bubble blowing" problem? Have you had an eating assessment by SLT?

Not sure what those things are - bubble blowing and saving?

No physio since he learnt to walk.
SLT assessment for feeding as he's tube fed from birth. Video floroscopy thing confirmed safe swallow, but we have sensory issues around food. Waiting for a referral by psych for feeding support as he's got a narrow list and some issues with squirreling food into his cheeks, over chewing etc. We only spoke to her Thurs so that'll take time. Also would you like to come and be my son's teacher / 121 please 😂

Are you too a bit 'slow'? I'm not really sure what you mean? Is my handwriting slow? No bit I've had lots more years practise

The teacher absolutely should be telling off children who are seemingly messing around. And school told me, that he got upset afterwards and they had a good talk about it. Actually he shouted back, but they accepted he was upset not being naughty.

My 5 year old DS in year 1 also hates writing. Decent reader, fine in maths, hates writing. Is he left handed by chance? My DS is, as am I, and I have worked with him on tilting his paper and we also bought the rubber grip thing.

No alas he's a rightie. I'm a leftie too so feel I'd be better able to help if he was

It's a worry isn't it when you're a parent. But op, I work in an all-through school with children from reception to A-level. The amount of children (especially boys if I'm honest) who hate writing and aren't particularly good it at all the way through KS1 is very high - your DS is not alone. By about y3/y4 unless they have a learning need they pretty much all manage to get there. This is why I try to stay pretty relaxed about it - I know he will get there in time, 5 is really young still and many children are not quite there with the motor skills required for writing well. Try not to fret too much, get him a bit of support but obviously if he's still 5 he's at the younger end of the year too.

So your saving reflexes are your instincts to put your hands out when you fall. If you have immature,slow or absent saving reflexes you don't do that and you are more likely stop your fall with your face. Literally faceplaming whatever is in your way. So you see more facial and head injuries. Physio picked up DS' and we worked on them rolling DS on top of a gym ball back and forth , getting DS to catch himself with his hands. DS also had weak shoulder girdle which impacted on writing, so we were getting him to walk forward on his hands off the top of a gym ball.at the start just holding a bit of weight, eventually rolling forward.

Bubble blowing program (typo problem) aims to strengthen breath control and mouth strength. You spend a lot of time blowing bubbles and gradually more challenging whistles. NHS will get you using a straw to blow a ping pong ball. Glad to hear about the safe swallowing. Choking risk was one of my next questions!

I'm not very knowledgeable on tube fed.... complex SEN and Hypermobility I know a little

I'd ask about dysgraphia - DS has this and right from P1 he's struggled with writing. Writing has never become an unconscious skill for him e.g. if he is thinking about writing and just writing out letters he's fine, if he's trying to do something else like maths and the writing is not the main focus his writing goes to pot.

Writing is painful for people with dysgraphia, and they do struggle to hold a pencil.

Just catching up, did they recomend caring cutlery? this set is exactly the same but cheaper.

With core strength exercises should go adapted seating, especially if there's sensory seeking. Usually a seating wedge. Private OT recommended bambach seating, its incredible and grows with the child. DS(13) still has his, both the one that went through primary with him and the one that was charity funded at home. NHS wont recommend due to cost.

your saving reflexes are your instincts to put your hands out when you fall hahah, no. More bruised Heads than hands. Honestly I think his tubing feeding is the easiest bit 😂
Seating she recommended something without a back as he's a sloucher but he doesn't sit still to eat any way.

O had a quick Google re OT, it seemed like lots of different assessments for lots of things and reports seperate - do I just need a generalized one? Thank you for all your input @Hazelnutlatteplease, I'll got back through and take notes

I'll have a look at dysphagia @Chrysanthemum5

Oh I think we're clear on dysphagia Chrysthanthium , he eats fine just like he sometimes forgets to swallow. It's a safe swallow, just like he doesn't like to. He has enlarged tonsils for forever but GO doesn't care unless they're infected (not for years)

OP, I just want to get back to you and say that although I am in Ireland, I was also fobbed off with the equivalent of the NHS OT here because if they diagnose Dysgraphia or any form of Dyspraxia, they need to provide OT hours etc and they do not have the resources. I got a private assessment - you need to get a specialised paediatric OT - and then the school got a list of provisions and they made them. It has changed DS's life.

BTW, DS is very sporty and high achieving in sport - he just has very poor small motor skills - this is very common in children with hyper mobility. It also means they find it hard to sit down in a seat for long periods so they need movement breaks.

I know you cannot approve private, but if your child is assessed and has any issues, try to join a national support group and you could be advised of which schools are best for children with your issues - we changed DS's school as the school he was in would not provide the required support and having a supportive school environment has changed his life. He has gone from tears and tummy aches, to getting up early and being in early - he loves it that much!!!

Good luck - it is such a struggle to get there.

Don't be too quick to overdiagnose.

Start with strengthening exercises.

Is he hypermobile ?

His hands hurting when writing could signal this & if so he can be helped by a paediatric OT. They were a godsend with help for our DD when she went through similar. Google "Beighton Score" for a chart to check him against

That makes me sad, he is only 5. He shouldn’t be losing play time as he is slow to complete work. It’s sad what we put some kids through. It’s perfectly possible he will come to love school. My friends son didn’t and home educating him without pressure has had him come on leaps and bounds and is so confident. Their home education is nothing like lockdown education.