What do your kids do after school?

[SteveBuscemisRheumyEye]

DD is 8. She had ASD and completely addicted to her iPad. We've decided to limit the iPad to weekends only, as she seems to have zero interest in anything else. She enjoys reading, but only specific things. She's also an only child so no sibs to play either etc. Hates going out to the park etc.

We start tomorrow and I know it's going to be hard and she will moan about how bored she is!

How do you leave kids spend their time after school? 3:15 til bedtime (8pm) is suddenly feeling like a long time 🙈

Play out, mainly. On bikes, scooters, roller skates and skateboards.

Craft is fairly popular too - particularly slime making and polymer clay.

Toys are less used now (mine are 8 and 9) but they like rainbow high dolls and our generation dolls. Lego is still used too.

I wish she would play out

Catch or swingball in the garden?
Once or twice a week have her friend in the garden?
Tennis or badminton at the park (or is she defo not keen?)
Swimming was good, used to do Monday evening we'd take foam noodles, dive sticks, goggles and I'd chuck her about.
Reading, bit of TV, yes, the I pad.
I found it hard with an only as you are their playmate at home. I used to take mine to the park ALOT.

Mine are 8 and 10. Snack and homework straight away, then either time outside playing or some quiet time (crafts, drawing, reading).

I’m teaching mine to cook dinner and clean up after themselves 🤦🏻‍♀️ and we have TV time or reading after that. I’m determined that they are self sufficient by the time that they are teenagers so that I can confidently leave them after school.

Watch tv mostly at the moment. Brownies, swimming also when allowed.

Ds is 12. He’s usually either at after school clubs, on his trampoline in the garden, or out on his bike. Then there’s the usual fight about homework!

She has a trampoline and does use that. She doesn't have any friends, really. Won't join clubs or anything. Gosh, it's so hard and miserable

8 year old with ASD also, he would spend all evening stuck to a screen if he could.

Hes with my mother until 4pm when she brings him home. Dinner at 4.15 which could take him half an hour to eat.

We then go out for a walk, even for just half an hour to get fresh air and break up the evening.

Back home around 5.30 and a bit of rest time, get a drink etc.

Around 6ish we play a board game - breaks up another half an hour.

After half 6 then I let him wind down and watch tv or go on the switch.

Its hard to pull the screens away from them, but after I stayed strong for a couple of days DS stopped asking at all and just waited for me to offer.

In the last week hes been practicing a sport and whatever amount of time he spends practicing, earns him half that time on his switch.

Hes also started doing Spanish on an app - his choice but he really enjoys it.

My 7yo is ASD, also was obsessed with screens and we've been on a ban from YouTube and very limited screen time since this month because I was finding that he was so obsessed with Minecraft and YouTube he didn't want to do anything else and it really effected his mood. I found after he got over being annoyed about the lack of screen time he started finding ways to entertain himself.
He likes making things from recycling/junk modelling, baths with geli baff and some toys in, helping with making dinner, building things from Lego, dibble and Uno, and mostly just generally running around inside crashing into things and being a bit of a pain in the butt!

My 8 and 10 yr old are with childcare until 5:00pm and are at the playground most days when I pick them up. Then they have until 6:00 to play at home or if it's nice we will go as a family to walk the dog or the kids will use their scooters. Then dinner, homework and piano practice, showers/ready for bed, reading together, independent reading, lights out 9:00pm. We don't allow tv/video games etc on school nights and they don't have tablets. They are allowed to play video games for about 2hrs once on the weekend if homework was done with good attitude during the week.

What do you do with her?
Tbh if she has no friends, very little social life or opportunities to go out and have fun, ofc she prefers the ipad. What would you like her to do instead?

@AccidentallyOnPurpose, well, I'd like her to have friends, do brownies, dance, swimming, football. Go to the park. Crafts. Baking.

She doesn't want to do any of these things.

[quote SteveBuscemisRheumyEye]@AccidentallyOnPurpose, well, I'd like her to have friends, do brownies, dance, swimming, football. Go to the park. Crafts. Baking.

She doesn't want to do any of these things. [/quote]
How do you help/encourage this?

Arrange playdates (ask people to come to your house/garden) , walks to the park, take her and a friend somewhere, sign her up for something and just say let's give it a go , ask the teacher if there's anyone she gets on with at school etc.
Friendships and hobbies and positive/active social lives don't just happen, especially not for a child that might be struggling in that area .

I'm at work til 6pm and DH picks them up at 3.30 as he works from home. They eat snacks, play with the pets (rabbits and cat), jump on the trampoline, build lego, watch TV, play on the switch.

I don't think comparing your DD to NT children or even other autistic children is going to help? Might even make you feel worse ?

DS is autistic and a screen addict, his outreach teacher advised to keep demands really low after school eg bath, dinner, bit of reading at bedtime. At the weekends we try and do one activity outside each day and in the holidays he goes to activity camp which is ok as it's like school. But after school activities have always been a write off as it's too stressful after a day at school (we did try loads).

@AccidentallyOnPurpose - wow, I've spent 8 years trying to encourage my extremely recalcitrant child to do things with other children and to develop hobbies outside of her special interests - but thanks for making me feel completely incompetent

[quote SteveBuscemisRheumyEye]@AccidentallyOnPurpose - wow, I've spent 8 years trying to encourage my extremely recalcitrant child to do things with other children and to develop hobbies outside of her special interests - but thanks for making me feel completely incompetent [/quote]
I'm not doing it to make you feel bad. It's just that I know how hard it can be , and this last year has been even worse, even for NT children. She won't willingly come out of her shell for various reasons so you either need to pull people in, or coax her to come out. It's a lot of work,frustrating,full of heartbreak and worry.

It's also an incredibly difficult balance to find between what she enjoys and needs (from her point of view) with what she needs from a social point of view.

What other kids do is pretty pointless (especially since a lot of them seem to have siblings too) as it won't apply to her or she might find it difficult.

The bulk of the work comes down to you because she either can't or doesn't want to do it.

I'd also say ,that unless she's unhappy and unhealthy (physically,emotionally,mentally) , maybe allowing her to be how she wants to be is not necessarily a bad thing even if it doesn't fit the societal view of a happy and healthy child.

I know an ASD child for example that is obsessed with coronation street (and a specific older character from it) and the meerkats from the ads(he has all of them as soft toys and carries them around). They make him happy, they make him feel safe, they make him relax , they make him laugh and giggle . He's year 4.

What does she actually like? What is she into?

How about letting her on the iPad on a Tues and Thurs as well so it's not an all week ban?

Dd has ASD and that is why I ended up giving in on the screen time. It gives her the mental down time she needs after the stress of school. Prior to her diagnosis I was constantly fighting to get her to do other things. DH and I were not on the same page on this one so it was a bit of a struggle. After, I realized that he was listening to her needs and I was not.

Colouring book, helps me or DH cook, just potters about with toys, watches TV, reading homework, bath.

[quote SteveBuscemisRheumyEye]@AccidentallyOnPurpose, well, I'd like her to have friends, do brownies, dance, swimming, football. Go to the park. Crafts. Baking.

She doesn't want to do any of these things. [/quote]
These activities such as swimming did you do them from toddler age OP?

Hi OP. My dd9 has ASD. We also have DD7 who is NT. They play nicely together sometimes but other times squabble.

2 days a week she's at the childminder's til 5. On the other days, usually she comes straight home and watches TV/IPad. We're both wfh until 5ish so can't supervise homework or anything. One day a week she has swimming lessons.

From 5: TV until dinner time at 6.30, play outside / crafts then bath sometimes and bed at 9. She reads or draws in bed on her own until 10 most nights.

DD would happily go to the park after school to see friends but we are working and can't take her.

Clubs have been difficult for my DD as she struggles with verbal instructions. She didn't get much out of Rainbows so we pulled her out of that. We persevered with swimming lessons by doing about 18 months of 1 to 1 lessons. She manages in a group class now - however it's only level 2, below her little sister, and the others are younger so she isn't very happy. She's a really strong swimmer but just can't perform like she's supposed to.

Does your DD like being outside at all? Mine gets fed up of playgrounds and does not want to walk or explore, but she will bring a book or drawing stuff to go and sit in the park / woods and at least we can go somewhere different and get some fresh air. We go locally and often bump into her classmates which is a good opportunity for interaction.

It has taken DD a long time to be a bit more independent and now she does go to her bedroom to listen to music / read / draw, but she's 9 now and it's only recently she's done it. She uses her Ipad for drawing and Audible - she'\s not allowed to just watch loads of TV.

I', not sure that's helpful, but we have found it exhausting trying to manage / entertain our DD - it is definitely getting easier now she's 9 and more able to entertain herself but it has taken time, so don't lose heart.

@SteveBuscemisRheumyEye

She has a trampoline and does use that. She doesn't have any friends, really. Won't join clubs or anything. Gosh, it's so hard and miserable

Is she miserable, though? I know it sound like an odd question, but many autistic people don't find their 'tribe' until later. Speaking from personal experience, school was so utterly exhausting that the very last thing I could face was doing clubs (noise, people, more masking) in what was my precious decompression time! I have never had the kind of friendships portrayed in most literature and TV, but I have, as an adult, found friends who get me.

My dc with traits of asd/adhd is addicted to screen too. I didn't limit time at all since he was young.
Luckily he does have other interest like music, art and sports, so he does spend time on them too.

But I just don't see anything wrong in interest in screen. He makes music, plays game, do some programming, watch videos, do some educational work like maths and foreign language.

Sorry, I forgot to ask - what does she like doing on her iPad? My daughter (also autistic) loves certain games/topics and enjoys spending time with people who share her interests. Your DD might well be persuaded to try a group if she knows that there are others like her there.
My DD attends (supervised) Zoom meetings on her interests. These are great for her because she can communicate in different ways according to how resilient she is feeling that day.