Do you argue or fall out with people much?

[itsalifetimesworkfella]

I think I'm a very nice person overall, all things considered. Try to do the right thing, listen to others, be kind, give more than I take, thoughtful and accommodating.

But

I do seem to be arguing more with people. Or am I being more assertive as I get older?

Some things I shrug off, a lot of stuff I let go as I can't be arsed, but more and more dickish behaviour is being called out. Especially with arsey men

Is this normal? Or am I becoming cantankerous?

Anyone else experiencing this?

PS. I don't regret any of it.

I can disagree with someone, or stand up for what is right or challenge something without falling out with people for the most part.
So no, I don't tend to fall out with people very often.

I agree with you.
I do the right thing, put myself in other peoples shoes, show respect, work hard, am a team player.... yet the nicer I am I feel that the more people who take the piss and act in opposite ways to me seem to take offence at my existence. As if I remind them that they are difficult and selfish and they react by spreading lies or speaking to me full of contempt.

I used to argue with people a lot and call it 'debating'. Then I joined the police. Now I will quite willingly defend or stand up for my position if absolutely necessary but nine times out of ten I will show empathy or walk away. I have realised that nothing is black or white and there is very rarely a right way and a wrong way. I have seen neighbours kill each other over disputes, the very worst in people due to a total lack of understanding and empathy. You don't need to argue to stop yourself being walked over. Arguing is an action. It's rarely necessary.

@BackforGood

I can disagree with someone, or stand up for what is right or challenge something without falling out with people for the most part. So no, I don't tend to fall out with people very often.

Can I ask, is it because you step in early when there is an issue? I sometimes think I sit back too much and things escalate too quickly when I do speak up.

I don’t fall out with people but I’m definitely more opinionated as I grow older. More politically aware, generally unimpressed with trans ideology, I care more about women’s rights and climate change.

I do sometimes think that arsey men don’t appreciate women having opinions of their own, we’re echo chambers for theirs apparently. I wouldn’t worry about it!

@snowdropsandcrocuses

I used to argue with people a lot and call it 'debating'. Then I joined the police. Now I will quite willingly defend or stand up for my position if absolutely necessary but nine times out of ten I will show empathy or walk away. I have realised that nothing is black or white and there is very rarely a right way and a wrong way. I have seen neighbours kill each other over disputes, the very worst in people due to a total lack of understanding and empathy. You don't need to argue to stop yourself being walked over. Arguing is an action. It's rarely necessary.

That's an interesting point. I'm not sure I've developed that level of calm or self control

@Woeismethischristmas

I don’t fall out with people but I’m definitely more opinionated as I grow older. More politically aware, generally unimpressed with trans ideology, I care more about women’s rights and climate change.

I do sometimes think that arsey men don’t appreciate women having opinions of their own, we’re echo chambers for theirs apparently. I wouldn’t worry about it!

It does tend to be with men who just have that irritation at me saying, no I disagree with you

I used to. Now I just don't see the point in wasting my time and energy on arguing. I just can't be bothered.

images.app.goo.gl/MPCEA7LTD1M1sj6A7

I agree with David Bowie....

I’ve have a low tolerance level of idiots, but more so with getting older. Life is too short to waste it around people I don’t like. 😬 I don’t usually argue with them, I just distance myself from them.

I did fall out with a really good friend because of something I just couldn’t live with her doing fairly recently. It was really against my principles and we did argue. She was a really good friend until this point and we had never argued before.

@snowdropsandcrocuses

I used to argue with people a lot and call it 'debating'. Then I joined the police. Now I will quite willingly defend or stand up for my position if absolutely necessary but nine times out of ten I will show empathy or walk away. I have realised that nothing is black or white and there is very rarely a right way and a wrong way. I have seen neighbours kill each other over disputes, the very worst in people due to a total lack of understanding and empathy. You don't need to argue to stop yourself being walked over. Arguing is an action. It's rarely necessary.

Thank you for sharing this.

People breaky trust and I can't go back to the friendship. A lot.

I can't remember the last time I fell out with someone.
I have strong opinions on some things and not so strong one's on others, like everyone else but I keep my life simple, avoid drama or step away when its brewing.
I can stand up for myself if needed but I surround my self with nice people. I got rid of people that bought negativity to my life years ago.

I can't think of the last time I fell out with someone. Not because I'm some lily-livered, adiaphorous robot, but because of maturity, I'm 46, I haven't got time for beef and drama. I choose my battles and know that I prefer harmony to being right. Life is too short to argue with stupid people and trying to rationalise with the irrational is tedious, not to mention, futile.

I save my energy to fight for what really matters. And when that time comes, I am not afraid of combat

Can I ask, is it because you step in early when there is an issue? I sometimes think I sit back too much and things escalate too quickly when I do speak up.

I think it is very much like @HowToBringABlushToTheSnow said.
If you are talking about personal life, I don't get embroiled in drama over anything unimportant. I pick my battles and then, set about trying to right something that is inherently wrong calmly, and in a reasoned way.
My parents taught me that anyone who is reduced to swearing and screaming, does so because the logic of their argument doesn't stand up, so they try to intimidate. I am inclined to agree with that after many decades as an adult.
If you are including things where you disagree in meetings for hobbies or volunteering committees etc - than, again, I discuss the point we are talking about. I accept democracy. I accept that not everyone will agree with me, and they are entitled to their opinions just as I am mine.

@FranklinTennessee

I’ve have a low tolerance level of idiots, but more so with getting older. Life is too short to waste it around people I don’t like. 😬 I don’t usually argue with them, I just distance myself from them.

I did fall out with a really good friend because of something I just couldn’t live with her doing fairly recently. It was really against my principles and we did argue. She was a really good friend until this point and we had never argued before.

I do the distancing thing too.

I do try and resolve any differences first, but ultimately you can't change how other people behave, only your reaction to it.

I remove myself from people that I think I'm likely to and up arguing with. I don't like conflict, and I avoid drama when possible.

I haven't spoken to my sister for a year because she said something that she knew would make my blood boil. So much easier than a showdown.

No. One mum friend at ds's primary, 10 years ago?

The only time in my adult life I've ever let someone have it with both barrels and fallen out with them was my mother in 2018. She's a toxic narcissist though so, even though her behaviour was shocking (and the straw that broke the camel's back), she just cried and told anyone who'd listen how unreasonable I was. It achieved nothing.

My relationships are with drama-free people so I haven't argued with friends since I was a teenager.

No, can't say I do.

*snowdropsandcrocuses

I used to argue with people a lot and call it 'debating'. Then I joined the police. Now I will quite willingly defend or stand up for my position if absolutely necessary but nine times out of ten I will show empathy or walk away. I have realised that nothing is black or white and there is very rarely a right way and a wrong way. I have seen neighbours kill each other over disputes, the very worst in people due to a total lack of understanding and empathy. You don't need to argue to stop yourself being walked over. Arguing is an action. It's rarely necessary*

This is really helpful and insightful. I'm always impressed at how people in jobs like yours can remain calm with people I feel like I'd lose it with! But so true that there is rarely completely right or wrong.

I used to until I was diagnosed with a serious mental health condition, now I'm on the right drugs I feel much calmer, before I'd lose my shit for for no reason.
Now I know why I'm very careful, I won't stand for any nonsense or be a doormat but I don't find the need to be angry for the heck of it.

I think about this a lot. Once you cross a line with someone and confront them, generally you can't go back and repair that relationship. For instance, I struggle with our neighbours and noise and really feel like going round and having a massive argument with them about it. However I know it would make things worse ultimately. As has been pointed out, it's about choosing how to react to a situation and however unreasonable you find it, you always have a choice. I'm only making myself unhappy so I'm trying to find a solution for coping that doesn't involve confronting them and falling out. It's very hard though.

I find that people in the UK are offended very easily and you can't have a discussion with them. Very unlike my experience in Germany where you are allowed to disagree with someone but still like them.

I tend to keep my relationships with most people very superficial, especially work colleagues and neighbours. If you keep away from anything that is controversial you can't upset people.

I find that people in the UK are offended very easily and you can't have a discussion with them. Very unlike my experience in Germany where you are allowed to disagree with someone but still like them.

Something of a generalisation.
Not my experience at all.