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Fasting for children and Ramadan 2021

114 replies

Yazkiz · 13/04/2021 18:27

Is any one's children fasting for Ramadan at 11 years old? My son is fasting for the 1st time. I'm worried especially this year with Covid if his immune system goes down during Ramadan.

OP posts:
sashh · 16/04/2021 11:24

It's a wonderful time and not many people understand it.

This

I think if you don't know anyone personally who is Muslim you associate 'fast' with being hungry and not a nice thing, whereas when you do know people, you can feel the excitement when Ramadan approaches and children want to join in with it.

It's not like saying 'no' to a video game it's more like saying 'no' to Xmas but the adults can celebrate.

Children want to be part of their family and take part in their celebrations.

UmmH · 16/04/2021 14:23

@RampantIvy

I notice that there are a number of posts about children wanting their father's to be proud of them. Do they not want their mothers to be proud of them as well?
The OP mentioned it in relation to her son's father, and posters have commented on that. Many readers already assume that a gender hierarchy exists within Muslim homes, so any mention of a father has people demanding 'what about the mother?' The reality is often quite different.
Hempden · 16/04/2021 15:13

What do you mean @UmmH?

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UmmH · 16/04/2021 19:03

I mean that people tend to assume a man is always in charge in a Muslim household, or that his opinion is more important than the woman's.

Dowser · 16/04/2021 19:07

It’s not the food
It’s the water though.
That I don’t agree with

Sh05 · 16/04/2021 23:33

@UmmH
I agree with you in the fact that in all the Muslim households I know ( including mine!) The women are often more in charge.
My oh would rather force the kids to eat than encourage them to fast. They get pretty annoyed with him whereas they know I'll leave it to them to decide if they feel able. Obviously if they're unwell then that's different.
Take the issue with the veil for example, I had been wearing it long before we married but our first trip away and he was insistent that I not wear it as he was worried about the reaction I might get. It was fine as I knew it would be but if he had his way I'd just be in a hijab not the full veil

Britsy · 18/04/2021 14:52

@bonfireheart

Starvation is unhealthy for a growing child - that's a fact not an opinion.
Irrelevant fact though since fasting isn’t starvation 🙄
InvisibleDragon · 19/04/2021 09:45

I'm in a similar situation to @stairway on this: my husband is Muslim and wants me to be able to fast with him during Ramadan - especially as it's something we want to do as a family if we have children. The last 2 years, I tried fasting the whole day every day and totally flaked out after a couple of weeks because I found it so hard. This year I'm starting with a shorter fasting time (normal breakfast time around 7am until iftar) and still drinking water (and black coffee, which is my big cheat) during the day. I know my husband would like me to be able to do more, but to me it works better to start with something achievable and gradually extend that, rather than insisting that nothing except perfection counts and then beating myself up when I fail.

I find it interesting that, for example, zakat is accepted as a percentage of savings/income for each individual, but fasting is often seen in quite a black and white, all or nothing way - so that if you don't observe the entire day's fast it doesn't count at all. I find it helpful to remind myself (and my husband!) that I am giving what is possible for me to give in terms of fasting - and that doing more would genuinely compromise my mental and physical health. I know when my husband was a child he started with fasting for a few hours or part of the day and built up gradually. @Yazkiz would it work for your son to do this some days, maybe only doing the full fast on maybe Fridays or alternate days, but doing a shorter / modified "practice" fast on other days? And would your husband be comfortable with the idea of practicing or training for fasting, rather than seeing anything other than the full fast as a failure?

Also, if your son is feeling demoralised because his cousins are fasting every day and he is not, it is worth reminding him that his cousins are living in an environment where everyone is fasting, and that makes a big difference. My husband moved to the UK from the middle East as an adult and he has commented a lot on this difference. In his country of origin, the working day is shorter during Ramadan and everyone gets up much later, for example. He also says that the community spirit around fasting and the general feeling of celebration and goodwill during Ramadan is something that makes it easier and is something he really misses. It's likely to be similar for your son in the UK compared to his cousins. He's seeing the challenge as the same, with him coming up short, but there are a lot of differences that he might be ignoring.

flashbac · 19/04/2021 13:09

@InvisibleDragon

You've got to do it for yourself and not for your husband. You won't be able to feel the benefits if your heart isn't in it.

Chamonixshoopshoop · 19/04/2021 13:18

I’m trying to educate myself and be open minded but I can’t get past no water for a child all day, it’s hot today!
What if he has PE?

H1978 · 19/04/2021 13:41

My 10 year old fasted over the weekend as I allowed her to sleep in late. She didn’t once complain of hunger and I’m so proud of her. Fasting is something children need to practice so when it becomes compulsory on them it isn’t difficult.

@Chamonixshoopshoop I think at dd’s school the children were exempt from the pe lessons if they were fasting.

mowglika · 19/04/2021 13:58

It actually doesn’t make a mockery of the whole point at all. The point of Ramadan isn’t to deprive yourself or starve yourself but to allow time and space for spiritual matters in this month rather than being led by your physical urges. Which is why eating and drinking as well as intercourse is forbidden during fasting hours.

What you eat when you break your fast has no bearing on how you spend your fasting hours or the hours after you have broken your fast which is the main point of Ramadan.

OP when I was growing up we did something called a ‘tin fast’, so we said we were keeping fast but when meal times came we would breathe our fast into the tin and keep it safe for after our meal. It’s quite funny thinking about it but we all as kids wanted to take part, as we felt how special, different and spiritual this month was.

The days are long now so I would encourage your son to only keep fast during the weekends or keep half fast, eat lunch and then wait til iftar with the family, only if he wishes to.

mowglika · 19/04/2021 14:00

Sorry was replying to GrumpyHoonMains post

Yes. In my experience almost all the Muslims I know gain weight as they stuff themselves with rich, decadent ‘festival’ food afterwards which makes a mockery of the entire point of Ramadhan.

Sh05 · 20/04/2021 04:23

@Yazkiz you could also reassure your son that the fast in Pakistan is most likely shorter than our UK one (if you're in the UK) so he's doing really well to keep as much as he can then eat when he gets home from school.
He shouldn't feel forced or embarrassed that he couldn't complete a full one. By the time he HAS to start fasting the fasts will be quite alot shorter.

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