Help Me Change My Life

[AlohaMolly]

Is anyone else feeling really unsettled? I have so many areas in my life that are not making me happy, while at the same time being pretty content with lots of aspects of it.

I live in an area that makes my heart sing. I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was 7 years old and my 4yo DS is my truest joy. I moved to the area I live in when I was 18 because I wanted to raise a family here, and I made it happen ✅

I am a trained primary teacher ✅

I work very part time and earn relatively little, but I work hard to make my money work and I can afford treats and days out and save ✅

I’ve just got an allotment and it brings me a lot of joy, although I haven’t done much with it yet ✅

So the very, very basics are there and I know I’m privileged to have the above.

BUT

I am very overweight and can’t get a handle on it. I fell and dislocated my knee two weeks ago and that has meant I haven’t even been able to do the walking that DS and I usually do. I’m now scared to go on our usual routes with him/on my own because I’m scared it will pop out again and I fainted last time and, while DS reacted in a very grown up way, I don’t want him to have to deal with that when we’re out in the forest/mountains etc.

I really dislike my job. I’m part time admin and it worked really well until now, it’s in an industry that I don’t care about and actually had a negative effect on the local community. Now DS is older, I want to stay part time but do something that I care about.

DP. We cohabit well and we work well as a team and we facilitate each other’s lifestyles and it works well... BUT I’m desperate for another baby and he hates the idea. It’s highlighting how many problem areas are in our relationship and how much compromise is going on, and if I can’t have another baby do I really want to spend my life with the compromises I’m making?

You know when you have those really itchy, can’t settle feelings. I spent last night applying for different jobs so I think that’s the biggest area I can change. I just want to quit though!

So job and weight. Then perhaps my relationship will feel better because maybe I’m projecting my unhappiness in other areas on to it.

Does anyone else want to join me in a bit of an overhaul?

I have just today started an overhaul! I am a bit overweight, my house is a mess and I am bored stiff in my job as well as generally bored and dissatisfied with my love. I love DH and DD with all my heart and that is about it.

I hate work but am wary of jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire with my job though. I like a lot of the people I work with and it's secure (NHS) so that is something.

I have set myself a 13 week goal to sort the house out, lose weight and improve my fitness plus get my head together. Sort of a full life declutter so I can get a clear plan for the future. Figure it is short enough time to not be too unmanageable but long enough to make a difference.

Would love to keep each other motivated!

Hello!

I feel exactly the same about work. I hate it while knowing I’m actually on to a relatively good deal! What would you change to if you could?

What have you got for your goals if you don’t mind me asking?

Hi everyone

I will join in, l joined in one last year in Sept and l lost 3 stone sorted out my finances, sleep and had a little health mot (teeth, eyes and bloods). It helped that l had other people willing me along and sharing what the did like a little diary as well. I have joined others but they lost momentum.

So the changes l want to make this time are

Write a will.
Go through all bills and check we are getting a good deal if not change.
Plan in hair and eyes for the next three months.
Lose 2 stone.
Have a house clear out (really won’t be as bad as last year).
Commit to getting further a work.
Get exercise routine back up and running.
Find a second income to make over payments on mortgage, approx £100 per month.

It would help if we all shared goals and had a time line.

Yes I will, feeling very restless, moved house, diagnosed with a chronic condition, need to lose weight and just general get myself together......

I would go with-
Jobs -assess your options
While doing that what actions can you take to improve health
Go for interviews and decide at interview how you feel, weigh up again on basis of what you learned at interview about the role and don't be afraid to negotiate on hours etc. Make sure it's a job you feel you can be successful at without depleting yourself

I'm not promoting it but Joe Wickes 90 Day Plan is on offer this w/e.

The main thing for me is building positive habits and routines so everything is less stressful! I feel like I am constantly fighting and just papering over the cracks. When I used to be ultra busy I was so organised. I would have tasks around the house/plus self care that got done each day. It never took long and I was always on top of everything. Rather than being a slave to routine I had a lot more free time and didn't need to spend a day at the weekend sorting my life out.

My key goals are:
Household:
Building a cleaning routine to stay on top of the place a bit each day.
Fully and deeply decluttering the flat.
Finishing off small DIY jobs.

Exercise and diet
Yoga and meditation every day. Even I it is just a couple of sun salutations.
Completing 2 x 4 week strength building courses on Alo moves.
Building new eating habits so it becomes a way of life rather than panic dieting.

Self care:
Dentist and smear test appointments!
Building beauty/self care routines so I am more groomed and less messy.
Taking vitamins to improve hair and nails.

I brought the Kikki K Dream life book and journal ages ago and haven't touched it. J want to work through it each week and hopefully gain clarity on my future. I also want to complete the Wim Hof 10 week course. My dear friend did it and credits it with curing his crippling depression and anxiety. I figure it is worth a shot and I like having a plan to follow.

It all seems like quite a lot but as I am planning on small steps and building new habits I think it is achievable.

I think some times we are so hard on ourselves we can’t see the wood from the trees. Having a focus/goal/plan is so good mentally and then as l found after l finished my last one is allowing yourself to believe you are worth the time not go back to old routines, which sadly l did and gain a stone l had lost.

Hello everyone! I’m glad it’s not just me feeling this way. I ended up whipping myself into such a state this morning - real panic attack territory with shortness of breath and sobbing. I know from experience that I have to just ride it out but keep moving afterwards, so I made ‘good’ food for breakfast and packed a picnic and dragged DS up to the allotment and three hours of digging and planting and messing about later and I feel more settled.

I agree that goal setting is very useful, and another PP said that routine helps. Similarly, when I was working more, I was more organised and felt better!

I think today’s goal is just to get to the end of it in a better frame of mind. I’ve got to get the house looking acceptable for the week ahead and do a little bit of work as well, cook dinner etc but I’m going to try and be a little mindful of how I’m feeling.

This week, though, I’m going to continue applying for jobs and make sure that I eat ‘well.’ I have always had a poor relationship with food and it’s how I punish and self sabotage, so I purposefully bought lots of vegetables that I enjoy and hummus etc this week instead of just ferreting around for off cuts of everyone else’s lunches!

The most useful thing I have done in the last year is to visit a hypnotherapist/psychotherapist for a few sessions (crippling anxiety)
The difference it made to me was massive and i'd go every week if I could afford to.
Now I am in the habit of using free meditation apps and their effect is now instant, it could certainly be used to help worry, motivation and help with eating issues.

I think I’ve identified part of the problem just now - I’ve been part time furloughed so just one day a week recently, but taken a slightly different role and have ended up being on call to the people I manage literally 24/7. The second I saw the work phone flash just now I felt my chest tighten etc. It’s so silly, I’m only managing housekeepers for a tourism company and took the job originally for less stress!! Definitely time to move on.

Can I join?

Feeling very lonely and finding life tough going at the moment. Had a job I loved, but accepted a promotion which just didn’t work out. Left me tearful. Trying to,and fingers crossed that I have, found another job I can grow to enjoy yet leave at the door come clocking out time.
If I feel happier at work, I’m hoping the other areas of my life will also start to see the sunshine I know is there.

Come in Barge, all welcome. I’m sorry you’re feeling crappy too but congratulations on trying to figure it out

Can I join you all?
I’ve have zero self care atm. I really need to sort diet and exercise out, particularly because I have a chronic illness which is getting worse. You’d think that would cajole me into action, but no.

Big issue is lack of time, with two jobs, small child and no support, and a workaholic OH. However, I’ve come to accept that things are not going to change on any of those fronts any time soon, so I’ve somehow got to manage my time better. It’s hard to maintain motivation. I can’t blame it all on Covid. I’m just feeling a bit flat and exhausted.

@Calmingvibrations

Wow that’s a lot going on. Sorry to hear you are flat and exhausted. 💐

@Bargebill19 thanks. I feel guilty a lot of the time, as my life is easier than many peoples’.

@Calmingvibrations

We don’t see what goes on behind closed doors. People often choose to present a ‘perfect’ picture of their life.
Don’t belittle your worries and problems, they are just as valid and require attention as much as anyone else’s worries and problems do.
Do not feel guilty.

[quote Calmingvibrations]@Bargebill19 thanks. I feel guilty a lot of the time, as my life is easier than many peoples’.[/quote]
So is mine on paper. I’ve never been as anxious, as unstable and as financially insecure as I have during the last ‘happiest, easiest’ five years of my life... if you asked Joe Bloggs in my village.

Our problems are as valid as anyone else's. I am lucky in so many ways and get told so. I also suffer from severe anxiety, PMDD, bulimia and depression. How you feel matters.

A concept I heard and like is that of no zero days. Each day you do a little something toward your goals. It can be tiny steps but over time those steps build up. Hopefully I can do more but if all I do is a few tiny shuffles in the right direction then the day is a success.

If all else fails and it is the end of the day I can drink a glass of water and take my vitamins, do a sun salutation, take 10 calming breaths, find 1 item to declutter, rub in some nail oil and read a page of my book. Can be done in less than 10 minutes and I have made progress toward all my goals.

I like the idea of no zero days.

I love the no zero days. I’m sorry to hear you’re suffering too

What helps me sometimes is a list app on my phone, and on really bad days I’ll add things like ‘shower’ and ‘have lunch’ on to it, so I can tick it off and feel like I’ve achieved something.

Can I join? Hate my job (bullying management) but have had no success trying to get another one and my confidence has really been shot. That was before Covid

Great thread @AlohaMolly!
I would like to join please. I often feel that at this age (I’m 49 this year), I should have my sh*t together - but I don’t! I agree with the no zero days & I think this is what I need to adopt as I am a bit of an all or nothing personality. Instead, I need to chip away at things. There are certain aspects that I’m really happy with - I have a lovely family & friends who are a great support to me. I (mostly) like my job 🙃.
I need to have a think about my list but roughly it is:

Life Admin/household:
make a will
Sort out our money/ outgoings
Start saving for holidays & Christmas

Me:
Start exercising and restart swimming again
I’ve just started calorie counting & I want to continue as I need to reduce my weight
Start & maintain a basic skin care routine
Start doing more with my hair & wearing make up when we return to work.

You’ve inspired me OP. Thank you. 😁

Hey @AlohaMolly and everyone, I'd like to join you too please!

I feel at my age I should have my sh1t together better and I just don't. But I am trying!

I have want to improve my health and I need a new job. I was rejected from an interview last week which was really hard, but now I'm seeing it as at least I tried. I filled in the form, I got an interview - they must have seen something in me, all is not lost. The gyms reopen this week, I'm going to go twice and be very very gentle with myself.

My top tip is podcasts. Find a topic that inspires you and then search on Spotify, Apple etc and hear how others think/feel/operate. I listen in the car and often with earphones while cooking etc.

Also I think when reaching for the sweets and chocolate, and ask am i looking for stimulation rather than being hungry?

Good luck everyone

Not sure any adult really has their shit together - I certainly do not. Much more of a stumble through life trying to avoid the potholes, but occasionally tripping in the cracks.
I’ve done my one thing for today - signed up for a pen pal or two.

Would love to join, I had this realisation a few months ago, mainly about my job which was making me utterly miserable which in turn contributes to my use of food as an emotional crutch... happy to say that the job searching has paid off and i only have 2 weeks and 3 days left at my currently job

Next thing to tackle is my weight and changed from a spender to saver as we want to move house in a couple of years.

I also feel like i don't just enjoy my children and instead just rush madly around cleaning and cooking outside of working so would love to work on that too..

I read somewhere ‘if its not a hell yeah then it should be a hell no’ and I think i quite like that way of thinking so going to give it a try !