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Original poster

Help Me Change My Life

50 replies

AlohaMolly · 11/04/2021 08:36

Is anyone else feeling really unsettled? I have so many areas in my life that are not making me happy, while at the same time being pretty content with lots of aspects of it.

I live in an area that makes my heart sing. I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was 7 years old and my 4yo DS is my truest joy. I moved to the area I live in when I was 18 because I wanted to raise a family here, and I made it happen ✅

I am a trained primary teacher ✅

I work very part time and earn relatively little, but I work hard to make my money work and I can afford treats and days out and save ✅

I’ve just got an allotment and it brings me a lot of joy, although I haven’t done much with it yet ✅

So the very, very basics are there and I know I’m privileged to have the above.

BUT

I am very overweight and can’t get a handle on it. I fell and dislocated my knee two weeks ago and that has meant I haven’t even been able to do the walking that DS and I usually do. I’m now scared to go on our usual routes with him/on my own because I’m scared it will pop out again and I fainted last time and, while DS reacted in a very grown up way, I don’t want him to have to deal with that when we’re out in the forest/mountains etc.

I really dislike my job. I’m part time admin and it worked really well until now, it’s in an industry that I don’t care about and actually had a negative effect on the local community. Now DS is older, I want to stay part time but do something that I care about.

DP. We cohabit well and we work well as a team and we facilitate each other’s lifestyles and it works well... BUT I’m desperate for another baby and he hates the idea. It’s highlighting how many problem areas are in our relationship and how much compromise is going on, and if I can’t have another baby do I really want to spend my life with the compromises I’m making?

You know when you have those really itchy, can’t settle feelings. I spent last night applying for different jobs so I think that’s the biggest area I can change. I just want to quit though!

So job and weight. Then perhaps my relationship will feel better because maybe I’m projecting my unhappiness in other areas on to it.

Does anyone else want to join me in a bit of an overhaul?

OP posts:

wanderlove · 11/04/2021 19:27

Can I join? I just read the Midnight Library which I really enjoyed and it gave me lots of food for thought. A part that resonated was that you can either follow your fears or your dreams. I have so much to be greatful for but the main thing that causes a bit of upset is where we live. We have a beautiful house but really don't like the area and are trying to move areas. Our house is on the market and we would like to move around an hour away. I know we have to commit to the process and start this happening but sometimes I feel
Overwhelmed. I could do with losing a little weight and commuting to self-care too. It would be great to connect to others commuted to making changes

Sunshineandswimming7 · 11/04/2021 19:31

I would like to add a few things that have really helped in recent years:
Decluttering the house using that KonMari method. I read about it, thought it sounded a bit daft but kept hearing about it so had a go. Well! Really helped me to get rid of loads of junk & cleaning/ tidying is much easier.

Also, I started having a cleaner once a month. It’s such a great help and takes the pressure off. It’s a set price & wonderful to come home to.

Finally, we started having one of those food boxes delivered (Gousto). Again, I thought it would be a box of nonsense but it’s been so helpful - helps with meal planning, manages portion control (we have a box for 2 between 3 of us) and it’s made us try lots of different meals. It’s also made my OH feel like he can cook 😃

All small wins, but they’ve helped with the everyday drudgery of household tasks.

Nsky · 11/04/2021 19:37

You need a diet plan, and to change what you can.
Been quite fed up lately, had physio from side effects of meds ( long term hormonal depression) excercises and oesopath, made a big difference!
60 next year, and struggling with a changing shape, trying to lose weight, pre planning seems the only way.
Good luck

Solongtoshort · 11/04/2021 20:27

Wanderlove l have stalled on the Midnight library as l felt uneasy, may be l need to push on through my feelings.

I like the idea of no 0 days.

I am back to work tomorrow after 8 weeks, l feel really anxious and my rosacea on my face has all flared up, l already know l am not going to sleep tonight. I have got as much ready that l can do to make the morning run smoothly but l know tomorrow is going to be awful, tomorrow’s goal will be just getting through it.

JMAngel1 · 11/04/2021 20:43

placemarking

coronafiona · 12/04/2021 02:22

Following will join in the morning

Original poster

AlohaMolly · 12/04/2021 08:23

Good morning everyone!

I’m setting myself goals today! I’m going to put my garmin watch on for the first time since I hurt my knee, so -

Try to hit my step target
Only eat sugar after dinner
Clean and tidy DS’ bedroom, ready for school tomorrow.

In terms of life admin @Sunshineandswimming7, I love a good budget! I split up my savings into long term and sinking funds and use Monzo pots for my sinking funds. Do you use Plum at all? That works out how much you can afford to save on a weekly basis and transfers it out of your account. You can access it really easily - I love it!

@TheOpen I definitely snack when I’m bored. A few weeks ago I told myself I could only have sugary stuff if it was homemade and that worked for a while, and now I try and snack on apple if I’m bored. Key word being ‘try’ there

@melissasummerfield congratulations on changing your job! I’m hoping to follow suit somehow... in regards to your children, could you schedule in half an hour a day with them? I have to work to a timetable if I want to be organised so back when I was working more I’d set x amount of time for DS a day as I found that I’d always be saying ‘I’m just cleaning/tidying/cooking’ etc.

@Solongtoshort good luck for today, I hope you got some sleep

OP posts:

melissasummerfield · 12/04/2021 08:27

@AlohaMolly thanks! Am excited to start, only 13 days to go

I was actually thinking that I would plan actual activities for 30 mins after school like setting up games and things, will give it a try and see how it goes!

Original poster

AlohaMolly · 12/04/2021 09:02

Yeeees! When I could be bothered pre Christmas lockdown, I occasionally set up games for DS and I was surprised at how much he loved them. How old are your DC? DS is an only so could only play with me really, but if you’ve got two that get on you could play with them and they’d hopefully play together too!

OP posts:

Bargebill19 · 12/04/2021 11:15

Managed to get an interview at a lovely local company with sensible hours. Fingers are tightly crossed. Off to write to a new pen pal.
Good luck everyone on today’s goals!

Original poster

AlohaMolly · 12/04/2021 11:40

Barge you legend!!

OP posts:

Original poster

AlohaMolly · 12/04/2021 11:52

I’ve been inspired by you and, as well as applying for other jobs, I’ve been brave and asked for help developing a resource/board game for Welsh second language learners...

OP posts:

Bargebill19 · 12/04/2021 12:00

@AlohaMolly

Amazing! That a fab idea. I know I learn better when I’m enjoying it and having fun. We will see you on dragons den!

wanderlove · 12/04/2021 18:57

Hi everyone. I listened to a podcast on the way to work ; it was Bryony Gordon and she was interviewing Charlie Mackesey who wrote the boy the horse the mole and the fox (or whatever order they are in!) I've found listening to podcasts a really nice thing to do on my way to work. I have a long commute and it means that It feels like me time rather than wasted time. It completely changed how I looked at my day.

Solongtoshort · 13/04/2021 03:22

@AlohaMolly thank you l didn’t sleep and even though l have been awake last night l am still awake now, l have just come down stirs because l am getting sleep rage with my husband sleeping soundly next to me.

@Bargebill19 wow well done on your interview good luck.

Well l got through the day, felt like my brain was like soup as there have been loads of changes and not all good ones at work. I came home and done my nails and done some admirations for my mirror that say “stay awake” tomorrow is going to be hell on no sleep.

Original poster

AlohaMolly · 13/04/2021 07:19

Solong I’m so sorry you couldn’t sleep, and I can see by your posting time that you had a rough time last night too. Is there anything at all that helps? Well done on getting through the day anyway!

Wanderlove I love a podcast! I got hooked on them a few years ago and love how I don’t feel alone/starved of adult company when o listen I must get though 2/3 a day some days. I’ve never listened to the bryony Gordon ones, I’ll have to give them a go.

The only one of my goals that I achieved yesterday was tidying DS’ room, but I’m not too bothered as I was productive in other ways. DS goes back to school today so there’s naturally a bit more structure and i don’t work on Tuesdays so hopefully will power through!

Today I hope to -

Pick up a Matalan order that’s been waiting a week
Reach my step target
Email the woman I spoke to yesterday about mentoring me for my little business idea!
Organise and prep food for tomorrow and Thursday as those are my long days and am back to work as per my contract now.

I hope everyone is feeling ok!

OP posts:

KindaNormal · 13/04/2021 07:40

Does anyone have any thoughts on dealing with chronic illness, I know several of you mentioned it. Mine is bad at the moment, I should be used to it but I really don't deal with it well at all. It's hard accepting all the things you can't do (like a recent job application that feel by the wayside as I had a bad flare up).

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 13/04/2021 09:33

Id recommend reading how to do everything and be happy by peter jones. It will help you break your goals down into next steps and help you plan how to get them done. Changed my life.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 13/04/2021 09:39

Oh and a bullet journal would help to plan and track and reflect on your progress. Have a look

KindaNormal · 13/04/2021 21:38

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale thanks, have ordered the book! Love the idea of bullet journalling but I feel I'm a bit too messy on paper to make it really work, does it work for you?

Solongtoshort · 13/04/2021 21:59

@AlohaMolly it’s just an over active brain when l feel stressed l don’t sleep. I added my break to my lunch today so l could try and have a sleep in my car, so l managed to do the whole day in work.

I had my hair cut and coloured after work and my eyebrows so that little pamper will hopefully make me relax to get some sleep l am just going to have a cup of tea and head to bed.

Hope your all well.

BananaMaltLoaf · 14/04/2021 00:11

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Id recommend reading how to do everything and be happy by peter jones. It will help you break your goals down into next steps and help you plan how to get them done. Changed my life.

This sounds a lot like the Getting Things Done method, which is a tedious read but changed my life in the basic principles, which are basically make a list of absolutely everything current that needs to be done-start with what you can immediately think of, look at things like emails, mail etc., walk round your home etc.

If it takes 5 minutes do it now, if it takes longer list it, if it has more than one step then its a project and has to be broken down into next actions, set reminders for future things. That process takes about a week and gets everything off your mind, then its adopting a routine of getting things done, which includes reviewing the lists once a week.

BananaMaltLoaf · 14/04/2021 00:13

@KindaNormal

I'd love a chronic illness support thread under Health if anyone is interested.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 14/04/2021 07:01

[quote KindaNormal]@StrictlyAFemaleFemale thanks, have ordered the book! Love the idea of bullet journalling but I feel I'm a bit too messy on paper to make it really work, does it work for you?[/quote]
If you watch the clip Ive linked to its about keeping a system rather than being beautiful. I tried a few systems and setups and now have a filofax. I buy pages with check boxes on which helps. You can also get stencils and stamps. It works for me. Was a godsend when I was unemployed.

Solongtoshort · 14/04/2021 10:00

Got some sleep last night thankfully feel very human today. Just getting my car valeted (l get it done once every 13 weeks then keep on top of it myself) then l have something to take back to Sainsbury’s,,then l am going for a run. After that l am going to have a listing frenzy and get my stuff on / market place Vinted to clear my wardrobe. My little ds is having a hair cut then it will be a bit more self care to go aid the hope of sleep tonight.

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