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Original poster

Death is just shit isn’t it

66 replies

Daisiesarecute · 10/04/2021 17:16

Was thinking about the Queen and how long she had been with PP and how all of that is just gone now.

Obviously death happens to us all and they were very lucky to have been with each other for so long but isn’t it just shit how a loved one can just die and you just never see them again? They just cease to exist and that’s it, no more making memories with them or having a conversation with them

OP posts:

EternalOptimist7 · 10/04/2021 18:18

I think it must be like losing a limb when you have been with someone as long as The Queen has been with Prince Philip. I said to DH after hearing the news that he drives me crazy sometimes but I couldn’t imagine being without him ( we’ve been together 20 years).

Bananacocks · 10/04/2021 18:18

I think it depends. My Nan is a similar age to Prince Philip and has been saying for years she is ready to go, her body and mind are failing but still she goes on. Another relative has dementia, there are not a lot of lovely memories being made I can assure you!

picklemewalnuts · 10/04/2021 18:21

When you get to a great age, as they both have, I think you get the opportunity to prepare. Elderly sisters who lived together their entire life were an amazing model for me. When one became ill and then later died, the surviving sister was a marvel. I mean, we all all rallied around, but I was so impressed by her patient resilience. Again, women of strong faith.

Faith is a great comfort. Not necessarily that we will see our loved ones again (that's not at all clear), but that this life is only part of our story.

babbaloushka · 10/04/2021 18:23

I think a peaceful death at the end of a long life is hard, but sometimes relieving. I lost my friend to suicide at 17 and my life completely changed, it was tragic, untimely and brutal. When my DM died after being ill for a year, I was incredibly sad and miss her greatly, but no where near the pain I feel when I think of what happened to my friend. It's different types of grief, I think.

Whingey · 10/04/2021 18:24

Sorry for all your losses. My Andy died age 33 and I cry every day. 5 years ago now. Will the heartbreak ever end?

Loveisthehope · 10/04/2021 18:25

So many different types of grief definitely

CaesarsDream · 10/04/2021 18:25

As a devout Christian HM believes in eternal life. I believe she is deeply comforted by her faith in God.

babbaloushka · 10/04/2021 18:26

@CityCommuter

I think the Archbishop of Canterbury summed up Prince Philip's life perfectly yesterday in saying "there's something enormously impressive about a life that has been lived well and ended well"...

I used to be quite cynical about the subject of life after death etc until my Dad died a few years ago... Based on the things that have happened since and the signs I know is without doubt him I think it would be naive to say that there isn't some sort of continuation of life / energy in an obviously different format. Science states that once energy is created it can't be destroyed. The body is made up of energy so that energy has got to 'go' somewhere...

I understand what you mean and don't want to rain on your parade, but the energy in the atoms of the body are conserved and dissipate into the environment just like they do in any other dead organism.

I relish in the little coincidences that remind me of my DM, but I know it's not her, and whether it is or not is actually irrelevant, it's the comfort it brings me and the memories that matter.

DareIask · 10/04/2021 18:26

@Shelddd you should hang your head in shame.

She is an elderly lady grieving, above all else. You clearly don't have the experience to know how that feels, or the empathy to even try to.

Hadalifeonce · 10/04/2021 18:29

When my dad died suddenly, my mother was devistated, and told me that obviously she knew they would both die, but almost assumed that one night they would both go to bed and just not wake up.
She never dreamed she would survive him and be on her own.

Notoriouslynotnotious · 10/04/2021 18:29

I don’t believe in an after life. As a Christian I imagine that the queen does and is very much comforted by that thought but even still she will feel a profound loss.

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 10/04/2021 18:31

Sometimes death is the only good outcome in a situation. It's harsh but true. I hope when I'm at that point of no return and my body has run out of fight, I go quickly.

babbaloushka · 10/04/2021 18:33

@Whingey

Sorry for all your losses. My Andy died age 33 and I cry every day. 5 years ago now. Will the heartbreak ever end?

I'm so sorry. I once heard someone say "the ones we love never truly leave us", and even though I'm not religious or spiritual, I think it's true. They're never really gone so long as their influence lives on in us, and that brings me comfort.

Silly as it was, as a teenager, I used to sit and smoke by his grave. He gave me my first fag, and every year on his birthday I smoke. It's the only time I ever do it anymore, once a year, but it helps me feel connected to his memory.

I also found making a box helped enormously. When I was ready to grieve, I would open the box and look at the pictures and letters, cry my eyes out until I felt better. Now it's not so painful, but the catharsis is so relieving. It helped me take charge of my feelings a bit, and cope with the continuation of life, even though I felt like everything had stopped.

Oversize · 10/04/2021 18:35

Yes death is shit. Younger people dying are a tragic loss of opportunity and older people dying take such a lot with them when they go.

Twospaniels · 10/04/2021 18:40

It is very sad when someone dies, of course it is.

But alternatives can be more cruel. My mum had a stroke and now she’s paralysed and even worse, non verbal. My dad looked after her at home for 3 years but then he had an illness, which meant mum had to go to live in a care home.

So now after 60 yrs of marriage they are separated and lonely without each other.

That is far more sad than if she had died when she had the stroke 😢

EveningOverRooftops · 10/04/2021 18:47

She will never get to know what it feels to have lived longer with out him than all those years she did spend with him.

That makes her an incredibly fortunate woman to have loved and be loved for so longer.

I can’t feel sad. Won’t feel sad. She had a very precious gift, still does imo.

Teatreat · 10/04/2021 18:48

We're not very good at dealing with death in our culture. Where religion is strong, or where there are more rituals around death, it seems to be more readily accepted.
We are very death averse too. Trying to medicate death away.
It is always sad to lose loved ones, and I've had my share of loss, but I do think death is part of life.

AlternativePerspective · 10/04/2021 18:49

I think there are two sides to death. For the person who has died that’s the end. They’re no longer here to be sad that they won’t see their loved ones again. But the people left behind are the ones who face the loss and move forward without that person in their lives.

And the sad fact is that death is a fact. We are all going to die, and as well as the grief death often brings a realisation that we will go as well one day, and many people fear death because it’s the unknown, and no-one can imagine their life as nothing.

And sometimes there is a time to go. After a long or debilitating illness there comes a point of relief when that person is no longer suffering.

I had a cardiac arrest two years ago and I literally went from the consultant talking to me to oblivion, and the next thing I remember was waking up the next day in ICU, having had a temporary pacemaker fitted, and spent the night on a ventilator in an induced coma. Had I not survived that oblivion would have just continued, but I have always maintained that when I die I want it to be like that, there one minute and not the next. Or drift off in my sleep.

There are certain conditions which would have me going off to Switzerland, and there are certain conditions I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

Whingey · 10/04/2021 18:50

My Andy came to me twice in a dream. His grandad came to take him to the angels

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 10/04/2021 18:51

I had lost 5 family members by 20 and a further 3 + 1 friend over the last 15 years- death isn’t very nice but I’ve seen tragic deaths and I’ve seen old age deaths. Subsequently I’m hardened to it and can’t get too upset over it.

vixeyann · 10/04/2021 18:53

It is but I think there are levels of sadness associated with death. My dad died at 54 - there are people that live 40 years longer than that, so I feel somewhat cheated. However, when you think of young children and adults who die, it becomes so much unfairer.

Sleepisoverrated150 · 10/04/2021 18:55

I can’t remember the song but it talks about how because there is an end to life it makes it worth living. If we had endless lives I don’t think we would be as happy, courageous or take risks. It sucks but the song made me realise it’s also an important part of living

Iwantcauliflowercheese · 10/04/2021 18:56

My mum and Prince Philip were born within days of one another. She's been dead 31 years. Now that is shit. He had all that time she didn't have, mostly in good health. He was a very fortunate man.

ilovecarbs90 · 10/04/2021 18:57

Yes it is shit, but I would rather die than live forever.

Death is always worse for those left behind.

Wiglio · 10/04/2021 18:58

@endofthelinefinally so sorry to read your heartbreaking post

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