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Original poster

What does your 11yr old do after school?

43 replies

Annoy · 07/04/2021 22:19

I feel that my 11yr old (12 in Sept, so not yet in high school) is in a bit of a gaming rut of an evening, as in that’s all he seems to want to do. I allow it after homework, then pull him off it before dinner, he’s not allowed on it again for the rest of the evening. But then he just winds his sister up, watches telly or occasionally goes out for a run.

My DH is concerned that he has no variety during the week, but I am knackered from work, dh is knackered, and we get in too late for most after school clubs. My ds hates clubs or teams sports anyway. He tried guitar but wouldn’t stick at it.

Tbh I don’t see an issue with the lazy evenings.

On weekends we’re very outdoorsy, scrambling, mnt biking, climbing mostly so he’s active.

What is it like in your house after school?

OP posts:
Whatwouldnanado · 07/04/2021 22:34

Monday singing lesson then volunteering at Brownies, Tues musical theatre for an hour, Wednesdays sometimes choir/charity thing at school, Thursdays ballet and nothing on Friday. Sounds a lot but all within 5-10 mins of home and they enjoy it. The music stuff ties in with school and stuff we do as a family.

Aimee1987 · 07/04/2021 22:41

DSS is younger but also not into team stuff and prefers things he can do on his own timescale. If hes an outdoorsy kid has he tried scouts? My local rock climbing centre runs clubs for kids and teens? . Have you tried martial arts or swimming clubs?
Does he have a bike it would give him the freedom to perhaps get to some of this stuff himself.
I think theres a balance and he dorsnt need to be doing stuff every night but mabey something on 1 midweek day would break up the monotony.

Frazzled2207 · 07/04/2021 22:42

@Annoy
If he’s not allowed to game until homework then not at all after dinner I think that’s pretty good going. Mine are younger but they definitely do need downtime after school. Ideally they would do more sport etc but there’s a limit to what you can get them to do!

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Kanaloa · 07/04/2021 22:45

In normal times my 11yo would do activities three days then on other days Lego, playing out with friends or maybe having friends over to the house. Later in the evening watching something on telly, reading and just chilling out. At the moment it’s all a bit different although he has one club still running on zoom, but it doesn’t really take up the evening like it would have before - less likely to hang about and chat etc.

Original poster
Annoy · 07/04/2021 22:53

@Aimee1987

DSS is younger but also not into team stuff and prefers things he can do on his own timescale. If hes an outdoorsy kid has he tried scouts? My local rock climbing centre runs clubs for kids and teens? . Have you tried martial arts or swimming clubs? Does he have a bike it would give him the freedom to perhaps get to some of this stuff himself. I think theres a balance and he dorsnt need to be doing stuff every night but mabey something on 1 midweek day would break up the monotony.
He used to do cubs but wasn’t keen when he moved to scouts as there were a lot of older boys. I will try him again once they start up again.

I think the main issue is that we live in the arse end of nowhere and all the clubs are in the nearest town which is half hr away and all seem to start ridiculously early after school. We can never make it!

I’d love for him to join swimming club but it’s too far away.

OP posts:
WeekendCEO · 07/04/2021 22:54

My youngest is a year older so in year 7. She is up at 7am for school and gets home about 3.30pm. She does whatever homework she has but other than that is very happy to just chill. She’ll take the dogs for a walk, do some art, game and chat to friends. She likes to have free time and would hate to be over scheduled at home.

Original poster
Annoy · 07/04/2021 22:55

[quote Frazzled2207]@Annoy
If he’s not allowed to game until homework then not at all after dinner I think that’s pretty good going. Mine are younger but they definitely do need downtime after school. Ideally they would do more sport etc but there’s a limit to what you can get them to do![/quote]
I thought so too but my dh has a real hatred for gaming and thinks it mind numbing so would prefer ds to never be on it.

I think dh just wants ds to be in to the same things he’s in to

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoy · 07/04/2021 22:57

@WeekendCEO

My youngest is a year older so in year 7. She is up at 7am for school and gets home about 3.30pm. She does whatever homework she has but other than that is very happy to just chill. She’ll take the dogs for a walk, do some art, game and chat to friends. She likes to have free time and would hate to be over scheduled at home.
That’s how I remember my teen years, it was great! No commitments and hanging out with friends. I don’t see the issue with this but dh seems to want ds to be full on in to something, anything, have a passion. But not gaming
OP posts:
mrselizabethdarcy · 07/04/2021 23:05

Homework/ training then he's free to do whatever. Sometimes goes out with friends but mainly (esp in winter and dark nights etc) he games with friends. All his friends game most of the evening...they have a group chat or headset to talk to each other.

WeekendCEO · 07/04/2021 23:07

That’s how I remember my teen years, it was great! No commitments and hanging out with friends. I don’t see the issue with this but dh seems to want ds to be full on in to something, anything, have a passion. But not gaming

To be fair, both my kids tried lots of after school activities when they were younger. The only one they both really enjoyed was swimming but they just didn’t like rushing around after school and hated it in winter so they asked to stop.
I don’t think you can force kids to being into something, although my daughter is very good at art and spends hours drawing. Both of my kids are very into gaming, I don’t see it as a bad thing. There’s certainly worse things they could be doing once they get into their teen years. 😬
If your son is happy, I’d leave him to it. When he’s moves to secondary, it’ll all feel a bit more intense, there’s plenty of homework after school so it’s nice to have free time.

Frazzled2207 · 07/04/2021 23:14

Op I get the worry about gaming but dh and I have concluded that playing games especially if collaborating with friends etc is probably better than vegging in front of the tv.

sorryiasked · 08/04/2021 06:30

DS does Scouts (when it's running), might occasionally go out on his bike, he'll read in bed when he's supposed to be asleep but otherwise is plugged into the xbox. Whilst I'd rather he had a few other interests, like frazzled I'm happy that most of the time he's chatting with his mates and interacting even if it's not in person.

FireBelliedToad · 08/04/2021 06:37

DS is 11. He comes home and has a snack, then homework. Then usually goes out into the communal garden to play with the other kids til we eat. If bad weather he will read or play Lego with DD. They also have a large jigsaw (1000 pieces) which they sporadically look at.
He’s allowed tv after 530 if homework is done and he’s done some sport and he’s showered and in pjs.
We don’t allow gaming during the school week.
He doesn’t do any clubs at the moment, but will go to swimming lessons when they start up again.

EeeByeGummieBear · 08/04/2021 06:48

'Gaming' can cover many things, and like you I don't see it as a bad thing per se.
If he's using it to connect with friends, can come off when asked and gives him a sense of achievement and enjoyment then it's ok.
I've seen the downside to gaming with my DS, and also the downside to team sports. Like most things in life it's not what we do, but the way that we do it (that's what gets results Wink)

Original poster
Annoy · 08/04/2021 07:12

@Frazzled2207

Op I get the worry about gaming but dh and I have concluded that playing games especially if collaborating with friends etc is probably better than vegging in front of the tv.
This is what I think. But DH thinks he’ll get repetetive strain in his hand🙄
OP posts:
Original poster
Annoy · 08/04/2021 07:13

@sorryiasked

DS does Scouts (when it's running), might occasionally go out on his bike, he'll read in bed when he's supposed to be asleep but otherwise is plugged into the xbox. Whilst I'd rather he had a few other interests, like frazzled I'm happy that most of the time he's chatting with his mates and interacting even if it's not in person.
It has been a life saver for him over lockdown, keeping in touch with his friends
OP posts:
Original poster
Annoy · 08/04/2021 07:16

@FireBelliedToad

DS is 11. He comes home and has a snack, then homework. Then usually goes out into the communal garden to play with the other kids til we eat. If bad weather he will read or play Lego with DD. They also have a large jigsaw (1000 pieces) which they sporadically look at. He’s allowed tv after 530 if homework is done and he’s done some sport and he’s showered and in pjs. We don’t allow gaming during the school week. He doesn’t do any clubs at the moment, but will go to swimming lessons when they start up again.
He has a couple of friends who live on the same street who he plays with when they’re there... it’s their dads house so not there full time. But my dh has found a reason to not approve of them 🙄... they’re too feral and boisterous!

I think my main issue is dh wanting ds to do something ‘meaningful’ and interesting by dh’s standards.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoy · 08/04/2021 07:19

@EeeByeGummieBear

'Gaming' can cover many things, and like you I don't see it as a bad thing per se. If he's using it to connect with friends, can come off when asked and gives him a sense of achievement and enjoyment then it's ok. I've seen the downside to gaming with my DS, and also the downside to team sports. Like most things in life it's not what we do, but the way that we do it (that's what gets results Wink)
Thanks! Yeah my ds will come off when asked, and doesn’t get angry with it say if he loses. But it does seem to be his default go to.

It would be nice if he chose to do something else instead of that sometimes. But if I suggest something such as a bike ride he’s totally up for it!

OP posts:
beginningoftheend · 08/04/2021 07:26

Reading, gardening, cooking, board games, watch a film, craft, coding. Quite varied and we plan small things to do after school.

Swimming restarting soon, but most evenings are deliberately kept free.

beginningoftheend · 08/04/2021 07:30

I think 11 is too young for many to plan independently all the time, they will perhaps default to the easiest choice. So a bit more guidance from you might solve it.

Sparklehead · 08/04/2021 07:32

My Y7 DD gets home about 3.30. She’ll make a snack, read, mess about with her younger sister and brother, see a friend in the garden or at the park. Mine are allowed on screens (t.v or gaming) from 4.30/5ish until dinner time at about 6.30. DD is about to restart football club and she has a saxophone lesson once a week but other than that doesn’t do organised clubs/sports, which is fine. It sounds like it’s your DH who has an issue with the amount of gaming your DS does. C oh me they perhaps try something new together? Book a badminton pitch or tennis court perhaps? Also, once he starts secondary school, there tend to be many more after school clubs and activities that take place at the school, so it might be easier for him to take part in one/some of these?

Original poster
Annoy · 08/04/2021 07:37

@Sparklehead

My Y7 DD gets home about 3.30. She’ll make a snack, read, mess about with her younger sister and brother, see a friend in the garden or at the park. Mine are allowed on screens (t.v or gaming) from 4.30/5ish until dinner time at about 6.30. DD is about to restart football club and she has a saxophone lesson once a week but other than that doesn’t do organised clubs/sports, which is fine. It sounds like it’s your DH who has an issue with the amount of gaming your DS does. C oh me they perhaps try something new together? Book a badminton pitch or tennis court perhaps? Also, once he starts secondary school, there tend to be many more after school clubs and activities that take place at the school, so it might be easier for him to take part in one/some of these?
This is what I’ve said to dh, that ds is only 11. That when he starts high school he will be more independent and there’ll be more opportunities.

My dh replied saying that he was out on his bmx at 5 on his own or with his mates 🙄... I’ve met his parents so I don’t entirely believe that could be true!

OP posts:
Pinchoftums · 08/04/2021 07:40

Mine are 11 and older. They do an hour's gaming a night and can watch some TV. Friday night is a free for all. Then no screens at all rest of weekend apart from family film.
The 11 does football and scouts.
Apart from that we play some games, take dogs for a walk, meets up with friends in the park or goes on a bike ride with them, art, baking, fight with siblings takes up a good chunk and randomly leaving clothes around the house.

paedoffduty · 08/04/2021 07:42

Firstly I would say it's normal for it to all be a bit "blah" at the end of primary and then for them to be exhausted in yr 7. This was exacerbated for DS because he took the 11+ in September of yr 6.

He did ;
Chess club
Football (1X training and 1X match)
Drama
Swimming (on saturdays)

paedoffduty · 08/04/2021 07:43

So 3X a week something meaningful 2X nights a week chilling. Activities both weekend days.