How do you raise something really embarrassing with a GP?

[EmptyOrchestra]

I’m waiting on a call from a GP about an issue that’s developed over the last few months, and I know I need to give a full account of my symptoms. It’s gynae related and I have no issues talking about that stuff generally (been having Gynae investigations since my early teens, lots of surgeries etc) but I’m finding it really difficult to even think about how to explain this symptom. I think it probably is relevant and might impact what tests they need to do etc but the thought of explaining it is absolutely mortifying, especially if it’s the usual male doctor who calls (and it will be a male gynae they refer me back to anyway if they think I need to be seen).

I feel really silly being so embarrassed. How do I just get over it and be honest?

Just think if you want it to be fixed you have to tell them what it is, I think over the phone will actually be easier then if you had to go in. Good luck.

When the gp phones asking how can help you today empty you say I've not been too great Dr I've got this ",thing"... If you just come out with facts It will help your embarrassment. I have all sorts of issues that can be embarrassing I just come out with it saves me getting flustered. Good luck

You know that they've heard and seen it all before. Sometimes using medical / clinical terminology helps me because it makes it feel less personal.

Just remember that GPs deal with 'embarrassing' problems all the time !

They'll have forgotten everything you say by the end of the day most likely as you'll be one of many many conditions they handle over the course of a shift.

It's incredibly unlikely that whatever it is is so unique that the gynae hasn't come across it before.

Bodies go wrong sometimes. Just be straight and to the point, and once you've said it, the embarrassment will go because the gynae won't see it as embarrassing, I promise you.

Can you email them first?

Otherwise, maybe you could write down what you want to say and read from the script.

Perhaps starting with, this is difficult to say so I would appreciate if you could let me describe the symptoms first and ask me questions or ask for clarifications at the end.

A few affirmations beforehand maybe,
I can describe my symptoms clearly
The doctor is there to help me
My body is my responsibility and doing this will help

It’s weird - I could talk about periods, bladder and bowel issues all day long with doctors without batting an eye lid, or even about sex being painful. I don’t know why I’m finding this so difficult. It’s only one symptom of a wider issue and I’m worried I will just bottle it and not explain it - I don’t know whether it would actually make any difference to what they decide to do. I’m almost 40 FFS, I don’t know why I’m being so ridiculous.

I'm a GP. Please don't be embarrassed. GPs are used to hearing about these sorts of problems all the time. Actually one thing I prefer as a GP is if patients are as detailed as possible when they describe their symptoms, particularly if they relate to symptoms occurring during sex such as pain or bleeding etc which patients will often leave out of the history unless specifically asked. These are often very important bits of the history to know about. Good luck with your appointment!

What is it?

If you tell us here, it’ll be practice, but also maybe one of us could tell you how we’d explain it. Sadly I’m pretty good at explaining this weird stuff now!

Use the language that you are comfortable with, and a GP should mirror the same language back to you. GPs will be completely matter of fact with you, because it's their job, and your embarrassment should fade pretty quickly.

Before the GP calls, write down what you want to say word for word. Like a script. No euphemisms. Then read from it when they call. Reading it like a script will switch you off from feeling embarrassed and before you know it you'll have said it all. Make sure you state what you would like the outcome of the call to be.

So - "I have been having a gynae issue for around 6 months. I have a lump just inside my vagina/suspect I have a prolapse/have ongoing dryness/a very strong smell and itching. I have tried the following over the counter medications and the symptoms have not gone away. I would like an examination / referral to the gynae team / diagnosis from you and medication."

Trust me the GP has around 30 calls today, and would prefer you just get on with explaining what's wrong - after you they have a call about someone's piles, and after that a call about someone's cancer care. They see / hear it all! Good luck and I hope you get effective diagnosis and treatment soon.

Thanks all.

I have endometriosis and my pain has worsened a lot recently especially mid cycle, which is new. But the thing I’m worried about mentioning is that my pain worsens 10x if I get aroused - I don’t mean actually during anything sexual, but if I think about sex and get aroused I get terrible pain. At first it was like someone kicking me hard in the crotch but now it’s deep pelvic pain, rectal pain and pain in my ovary.

Even just writing it down is embarrassing. I can’t imagine actually saying it out loud. I realise that a grown woman talking about being aroused shouldn’t be embarrassing or a surprise to any doctor, but for some reason it is. And I think it’s probably quite an unusual symptom (been on endo groups for over 15 years and it’s not something that comes up much) so maybe it is something they’re not used to hearing. I posted about it in the sex topic a while ago and that was bad enough but at least that’s an environment where people discuss these things anyway.

I don’t know, maybe it’s not really relevant?

Sex isn’t more painful, no bleeding or anything like that.

Honestly, we’ve heard it all, just say what you’ve said here: “I don’t even know if this is relevant and I’m a bit embarrassed but X is happening too” That’s the way most people approach this situation and suffice to say your doctor will have definitely heard worse and heard it said in a much less delicate way (fondly recalling an opening gambit from a couple of weeks ago).

Ok, in that situation say something like “sex itself is painful but now even feeling aroused hurts”. Then they’ll ask more questions. Honestly, much better to say it than worry. Good luck!

I would struggle too.
I think how you worded it here is fine though and I’m sure they’ve had it before.
You could say it’s more painful with an increased blood flow to that area

I had to explain something to my GP recently and I said 'this is really embarrassing'. I know they honestly couldn't care less and have heard it all before but it made me feel better!

Thanks Taybert. I really can’t explain why I’m so upset at the thought of bringing it up - I feel so silly. I’m sure all doctors know that adults have sexual thoughts and feelings, it’s just not something I really want to talk about openly! Even with my (by now quite extensive!) understanding of gynae issues I don’t really understand why this is happening whereas normally I can at least rationalise to myself that it’s probably x or y, and I think that’s making me more upset and worried about the whole thing.

'the pain is intensified by sexual arousal' wander round the house saying this. say it 100 times til the words lose their power.

I turned up for an appointment as I had bleeding from my bum. I hadn't checked who I was seeing and it was the GP mum from school that I had been out drinking with.

She checked for piles. It wasn't pleasant but she was so nice about it, it didn't matter.

Maybe it won't be so bad over the phone as they won't see your embarrassment.

Good luck!

Ugh, this is so stupid. If the issue was that sex was suddenly much more painful I would have no issue saying that at all. Why is this so much worse?! Honestly I’d rather say I was leaking poo than talk about this - it’s so weird. Am I just being ridiculous or is this an embarrassing thing to have to say? I had my first internal exam at 14, performed by my friend’s dad and honestly i would rather go through that mortifying experience again than say that I sometimes experience arousal, like 99.9% of human beings. What is actually wrong with my brain?

Thanks so much for helping me find a way to word it. Still feels horrible but I need to be a grown up!

I have endo.

I keep getting a pain in my crotch too. Almost top of the pelvic bone! Then pain in ovary.

This isn't due to arousal though and just happens randomly.

I also think it's one of those things I'd feel awkward discussing with GP but generally because it sounds so weird!

I get a feeling in the 'flaps' at times of burning and almost a tightness. Also sometimes pins and needles. I just can't think of a way to explain it that doesn't sound completely nuts

Practice saying it out loud in the house first.

Tip of my pelvic bone.

On arousal the uterus and cervix shift their position within the abdomen - I imagine it like them going up like a hot air balloon! If you've got endometriosis stuff going on in your abdomen, maybe this movement is hindered or aggravated by that.

Image here www.anatomyofpleasure.org/the-womb

You're embarrassed because we're not taught to discuss arousal and there's a deep taboo about it. It's a normal part of being human, this sounds like a consequence of your condition, a doctor can help.

What you have written here is absolutely fine. Just read that out to the GP.