How do you raise something really embarrassing with a GP?

[EmptyOrchestra]

I’m waiting on a call from a GP about an issue that’s developed over the last few months, and I know I need to give a full account of my symptoms. It’s gynae related and I have no issues talking about that stuff generally (been having Gynae investigations since my early teens, lots of surgeries etc) but I’m finding it really difficult to even think about how to explain this symptom. I think it probably is relevant and might impact what tests they need to do etc but the thought of explaining it is absolutely mortifying, especially if it’s the usual male doctor who calls (and it will be a male gynae they refer me back to anyway if they think I need to be seen).

I feel really silly being so embarrassed. How do I just get over it and be honest?

@itsgettingwierd

I have endo.

I keep getting a pain in my crotch too. Almost top of the pelvic bone! Then pain in ovary.

This isn't due to arousal though and just happens randomly.

I also think it's one of those things I'd feel awkward discussing with GP but generally because it sounds so weird!

I get a feeling in the 'flaps' at times of burning and almost a tightness. Also sometimes pins and needles. I just can't think of a way to explain it that doesn't sound completely nuts

It’s horrible isn’t it? I thought I’d lost all dignity talking about my reproductive system but it turns out that there are things I still find embarrassing.

What you describe sounds a lot like other pain I get which has been put down to nerve damage.

This is so strange - yesterday it happened and it was like a lasso of pain from my bum to my left ovary and it lasted about two hours. Also got a constant heavy pain in my pelvis, like someone has shoved a heavy weight in my uterus. Ovulation pain used to be a few hours of sharp ovarian pain but now it’s ten days of period like pain.

I expect it is endo related as I haven’t had surgery for nearly six years and I have only been on the pill sporadically in the last 4 years (ironically because all hormone treatments make me feel like shit and one of the symptoms is completely losing my libido).

When I need to say something difficult to a doctor I first write brief notes of what I need to make sure I say, and have them next to me with a pen and a box of tissues. I tick them off as I say them, and allow myself to cry. I also make notes of what the doctor says, as I know that I am likely to forget anything said to me when I am very emotional.

Almost all doctors have been patient, unsurprised and unjudgemental when I've been obviously uncomfortable talking about something. (Though there have been a couple of dicks.)

I know it’s mortifying, but they’ll have seen it all before.

A friend of mine had to see a specialist about something (to her) very embarrassing.
He started the interview by saying something like, ‘Bottoms are my job. I see bottoms all day, every day, so there’s absolutely nothing to feel awkward about.’

She said it did help. To some extent, anyway.

Empty I have a mirena coil atm. First came out after 2 months and this one has survived 3 months today

I'm still waiting for the cramps to subside or the bleeding to lighten (tampon and pad every 10 minutes by day 5 and 2 week periods still happening ).

I've got to gone it 6 months before they'll decide it's not having an effect.

I'm clinging to the fact many have said by month 4 their periods just suddenly stopped.

Normal and 5-7 days would do me!

I had a truly awful time with the mirena which led to a pretty traumatic experience and then surgery to remove it. I really hope it works for you, I know lots of women it works well for. It just gave me contractions, every single day, and took a year to get the sodding thing removed.

I have endo and have a patch where my uterus is adhered to my rectum. Wasn't operated on during laparoscopy as needed open surgery which I've not bothered with.

Over the last few years the point where this patch is has occasionally flared/been super painful up at night, particularly during ovulation.

In the last year or so it's triggered by masturbation (but strangely not orgasm during sex).

Just telling you in the hope that it normalises what you're feeling and makes you less scared of talking to GP. (I should really go myself!)

Oh, OP, please believe that the GP will just want to help you. Sexual arousal is just another biological reaction, like your mouth watering when you're hungry. Doctors are fascinated by bodies. Remember that, to them, you are presenting an interesting problem that they will do their utmost to solve, in partnership with you.

I've found the best way with embarrassing stuff (labial cysts, anyone?) is just to be very direct and matter of fact. As soon as the words are out into the air of the consulting room, all the fear and embarrassment goes away.
Good luck. Hope it all gets fixed

That’s really interesting, thank you for sharing. I expect I have a lot of adhesions (emergency caesarean four years ago and mostly uncontrolled cycles since). Gynae only really wants to do a hysterectomy though and I really don’t want one yet, not sure if I could convince them otherwise.

Mainly I just want an ultrasound to make sure there are no big cysts or anything. My mum had ovarian cancer so that’s always in the back of my mind but generally I don’t worry that the pain is anything sinister.

@EmptyOrchestra

That’s really interesting, thank you for sharing. I expect I have a lot of adhesions (emergency caesarean four years ago and mostly uncontrolled cycles since). Gynae only really wants to do a hysterectomy though and I really don’t want one yet, not sure if I could convince them otherwise.

Mainly I just want an ultrasound to make sure there are no big cysts or anything. My mum had ovarian cancer so that’s always in the back of my mind but generally I don’t worry that the pain is anything sinister.

Empty.** Hear you about the cancer. My mum has peritoneal cancer so having constant pain around that area freaks me out.

Honestly I never worry it’s cancer but I do worry that if I do develop a gynae cancer I probably wouldn’t know as all the symptoms my mum had are things I’ve had for years. Very likely it would be missed for a long time which worries me. DH worries about it more than I do, especially when I have new symptoms.

Id probably start off by saying that youve been putting off asking as its personal and youre a bit embarrassed, but youve got this gynae issue and wanted opinion and advice......

Just remember those with worse things go on THE TELLY AND SHOW ALL!
Write it in list form op.
Won't feel so embarrassed looking down at your Important Note.

Before you even wrote what it as I had an idea what you were going to say.

I have endo too and like you I can talk bladder, bowel and gyne symptoms no problem. But talking about orgasm/arousal pain is beyond embarrassing!

I’m glad I did though because it was good to know it was a symptom of endo. My gyne told me that it’s the adhesions and the scarring. When you get aroused your muscle contract and that means your adhesions/scarring are pulled taught (which pulls everything they’re attached to).

Isn't it amazing what our bodies do in response to our feelings.

Imagine a man, who on arousal, gets an erection but scar tissue prevents the foreskin from moving. This is the equivalent of what you have described.

The person you speak to, might not have this anatomical knowledge of the female body, despite being trained in gynecology, so please do explain exactly what it feels like is happening and maybe even use a male analogy.

Just remember, you really can't die of embarrassment!! Just say the words, accept that you'll feel a bit of a wally and will feel embarrassed and just focus on getting yourself fixed. You've said it on here now and none of us have needed the smelling salts, so you'll be just fine with the doc 😉

Thank you so much everyone, I feel less panicky now. The point about the uterus and cervix moving during arousal makes a lot of sense - I am sure I have some pretty nasty adhesions from my symptoms generally so that could definitely explain it.

I’m really surprised that I feel so weird about it, I’ve had some pretty embarrassing conversations with doctors in my life but it feels wrong to talk about being aroused other than during sex, obviously it is quite taboo. How bloody sad. I hate perpetuating the idea that there’s something wrong with being a woman and in any way sexual.

I will try to be brave when they call!

When they ring just think to yourself 'in just a couple of minutes this whole hideous conversation will be over' you can do it OP

We are all here in the fictional matriarchy where we talk freely about sex, arousal, and female power and in our women only groups, laugh about our ability to have such an amazing response on weak men, by our mere presence. We also have the wisdom and ability to help each other with ailments due to our deep connection with our bodies and knowledge which we share rather than relying on men with second hand assumptions of what might be going on. (This is a book I read.. can't remember the name..it was empowering and amazing. .shame it was fiction! I added the last bit myself).

There is a twitter posted who attempts to bring discussions about the female anatomy into the open and improve the education provided to medical doctors on this area.

OP, you can do it!! We’re all cheering you on and encouraging you.

If it helps, I’m mid-50s and can’t even bring myself to talk to my GP about a dry, itchy vagina! Pathetic, I know

It’s bonkers isn’t it? I know men generally refuse to speak to doctors but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be too embarrassed to acknowledged they get erections sometimes! It somehow feels like a seedy thing when as someone said it’s literally just a normal physiological response. I feel a right pillock.

No call yet so maybe it won’t come today.

Just remember it's embarrassing for you, but all in a day's work (quite literally) to them.